interesting article i found for all you out there dealing with heartbreak

[lostninsecure]

Why they cut ties

 

To every girl who has been broken up with (Guys, read too and nod your heads in agreement)...I have found that, as a guy, the simplest part of a breakup is cutting off ties to your significant other. It's also the hardest and most painful because nobody wants to do it.

 

As rough-and-tough as we appear, we guys are all pretty sensitive. Yeah, we hated watching "The Notebook" on the big screen, but we cherished that moment in the movie theater when you rested your head on our shoulder. So hopefully, you'll believe me when I say that when we cut off ties with you, it hurts us too.

 

Every phone call we ignore eats at us. When you text us and say how you made a mistake and want to get back together, sometimes it's all we can do to hit delete and not text you back.

 

Even after a month, after you finally realize that we're not getting back together and that we're not going to talk for a little while, we still hear rumors from our friends how you're still hurting and it hurts us too. (And yes, we do have confidants whom we talk to, but they're sworn under an unbreakable oath of brotherhood to never tell anyone else.)

 

So why do we cut off ties to our ex-girlfriends?

 

1. To help you : With breakups, especially when there was no huge problem between the two people (e.g. cheating), it takes time to heal the wounds that come with a breakup. Lots of time, and that time needs to be spent not thinking about you. The more you think about us, the less you'll be able to get over us. Seeing us every day is going to make it worse. So is looking at old photos, checking us out on Facebook and sifting through our stuff that we left at your house/apartment.

 

So have a friend send that stuff back to us. Give your old photos to that friend to hold onto for a while until you're better. Delete us from Facebook; we won't take it personally. It's going to hurt at first, but it's like ripping off a Band-Aid -- there's a lot of pain at first, but it goes away much quicker than if you cut us off slowly.

 

2. To help us: Again, we're hurting after a relationship. We invested almost as much time into it as you have (maybe even more) and we're losing someone that we still care about. We need time to ourselves to get into new routines. We have friends to reconnect with (you'd be surprised how many friends you don't hang out with as much because a girl gets involved). The more we think about you, the harder it is for us to get on with our lives. On top of that, a breakup should be final, and we don't want to give in and get back together with you only to break up and open up old wounds a week later.

 

3. So that we can be friends when it's all said and done: I have never been able to be friends with an ex- girlfriend who I haven't cut ties with for at least a short amount of time. Actually, I need to clarify: I've never been able to be friends with an ex that I've had lingering feelings for. From a guy's perspective, those feelings need time to die so that there's room for a substantial friendship to form, and even after that, there's no guarantee that a friendship will blossom.

 

It's hard to be apart from someone you were involved with, but we know that the less contact you have with us, the better off you will be. While some of our tactics for keeping away from you may come of as mean or inconsiderate, for the most part, we do them because we care.

[abigheart]

Are you male or female?

 

It says you're a female but you're speaking from a male's perspective (which I'm assuming you gathered from your ex)?

 

But whatever you said sounds like what my ex is trying to do, minus the part about ignoring calls...I haven't reached out to my ex in more than 2 months but I know if I did reach out, he wouldn't ignore it at all. I just know my ex - he is a good person. He may not initiate but he won't ignore me completely either.

 

However, all that you said about our exes reconnecting with friends...I'm happy he is doing that. I hope one day I can surely dispose of all romantic feelings for him, and we can be friends. I want him in my life one day.

[lostninsecure]

Are you male or female?

 

It says you're a female but you're speaking from a male's perspective (which I'm assuming you gathered from your ex)?

 

But whatever you said sounds like what my ex is trying to do, minus the part about ignoring calls...I haven't reached out to my ex in more than 2 months but I know if I did reach out, he wouldn't ignore it at all. I just know my ex - he is a good person. He may not initiate but he won't ignore me completely either.

 

However, all that you said about our exes reconnecting with friends...I'm happy he is doing that. I hope one day I can surely dispose of all romantic feelings for him, and we can be friends. I want him in my life one day.

 

I am def female...I was always wondering how my ex of 6 years could cut me off cold turkey after a really intense loving relationship, he changed his cell number/email, I had no way of having contact with him. He acted like I was the dumper. So in essence, this makes me understand that maybe it did hurt him too, maybe he did care for me. He hasnt talked to me in 7 months, although I reached out to him as a friendly Hello on facebook a month ago, no response but he didnt block me either wheich I expected. I did nothing wrong and he still wont speak to me.???

It's over and its way too late to go back. I am healing still and this has helped me a bit and wanted to share

[mca1975]

I left my boyfriend because I was very unhappy. I don't contact him at all and haven't since we split. It was a hurtful split and it was very hard, as I'm sure it was for him.

 

I have hurt over it and sometimes still do. I don't contact him because of the reasons above. No contact is the best way for him, for me, and to avoid further hurt and properly heal.

[Shineon]

I found your post interesting - esp from a guy's perspective. What does this say about the guys (my ex) who break up with you and 2 weeks later expect you to be "buddies" because you were so "close"? He hasnt done that this time but he has in the past. I've always been the one to go NC and it drove him crazy.

 

I'm hoping that this time he will respect me enough to stay away and expect nothing from me. I hope.

[sahasupa]

In all instances when I was the dumper I indeed cut all the ties. However, helping myself was my only consideration. Restoring friendship at a later time was definitely not a factor: I never got in touch with my exes. When I was the dumpee I acted very much the same.