InvisibleWound Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 Yesterday during supper my boyfriend told me that he told his friend Jack (we will say) that he could move in if need be. So Jack moved out of his parents place lives with other friends we have, he works and is losing weight and improving his life. So that is great... We were enjoying supper and he threw that at me and did not even ask what I think. So instead of getting upset over it I asked him a pile of questions. What I found out was that our other friends may want him to leave within a year or less. I understand he will need a place to come until he gets back on his feet, but this apartment is not big enough for 3 people... and it just means a lot of changes.... And I honestly don’t want to drive the both of them work every night... I am seeing a lot of negatives, and if his friend moves in me and my boyfriend might as well not be together, because he will stop spending time with me. I know I might sound whiney and this may not even happen. But my mood has been very down since he told me... I don’t want anyone else living here, and our relationship has enough problems as it is. So it seems like if his friend moves in we will drift apart a lot more... There are other things he doesn't ask my opinion about but this one has me down the most so I wanted to share it... I am not sure if I am in the right to be upset, but I can't help but feel that way. Link to comment
DN Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 Of ccourse you have a right to be upset - this is your home. I would not tolerate this if I were you. Link to comment
KG Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 It'syour place, you make the rules.. I'd understand if you had the space, but you don't. You can only work with what you've got. Link to comment
geekgirl4 Posted July 19, 2010 Share Posted July 19, 2010 Yikes, if you two are living together, then YES, he should be clearing this with you first! Link to comment
alli Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I would tell your boyfriend that he should have discussed it with you first, because if he had he would have been able to avoid an awkward conversation with Jack withdrawing the offer, which is what he is going to have to do now. Immediately, so Jack is aware that he doesn't have you guys as a backup plan. Link to comment
lostnscared Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 why would you have to drive them everywhere? Does your bf have a car? Does Jack have a car? Will Jack be paying rent and helping out? If so, would this help out your financial situation? And yes, I think that bf needs to have a talk with you about his friend moving in... Ultimately it's not just his place... Link to comment
DN Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 In another thread you said you were thinking of leaving him anyway to take a job with your dad - is that still an option? Link to comment
faithful14 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 He should have brought it up with you and asked if you were okay with another roommate. you should share your concerns with your boyfriend and tell him that you worry that your relationship will change and take a backseat to his friendship with jack. Tell him your other concerns too. p.s. I hope Jack is going to paying rent....... Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 why would you have to drive them everywhere? Does your bf have a car? Does Jack have a car? Will Jack be paying rent and helping out? If so, would this help out your financial situation? And yes, I think that bf needs to have a talk with you about his friend moving in... Ultimately it's not just his place... I have a car, they don't. I drive my boyfriend to work and pick him up, plus drive myself to work and to everywhere else we need to go... As far as I know my boyfriend would not be lettign him pay for anything though it would make sense. and help us slightly... My boyfriend was living here before I moved it but he told me it was both of our apartment though it does not seem that way. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 In another thread you said you were thinking of leaving him anyway to take a job with your dad - is that still an option? Acctually tomorrow morning when I go into work I am giving my 2 week notice at the store... And going to work for my dad. We are still together but I will be in my hometown for weeks at a time so we will be around each other less... I am having trouble leaving him or knowing what to do. So I keep staying wanting it to work Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 He should have brought it up with you and asked if you were okay with another roommate. you should share your concerns with your boyfriend and tell him that you worry that your relationship will change and take a backseat to his friendship with jack. Tell him your other concerns too. p.s. I hope Jack is going to paying rent....... I think I will share my concerns with him tomorrow after work perhaps. There is no real way of knowing if Jack is moving in or not, but it could happen.... As far as I know h would not be paying rent, but even if he paid 100 that would be great Link to comment
faithful14 Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 If he does end up moving in, I do think he should contribute in some way- whether its helping with rent, or groceries, or something else. Link to comment
DN Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 Acctually tomorrow morning when I go into work I am giving my 2 week notice at the store... And going to work for my dad. We are still together but I will be in my hometown for weeks at a time so we will be around each other less... I am having trouble leaving him or knowing what to do. So I keep staying wanting it to workThen what is the problem with his friend moving in if you are more or less moving out for weeks at a time? Link to comment
cazmoore Posted July 20, 2010 Share Posted July 20, 2010 I haven't read your other posts, but do you contribute to any rent? If not, I can understand why your boyfriend wouldn't ask your opinion on if it was OK for his friend to move in since he calls the shots.. even though I don't agree with that way of thinking. And I have to add to DN's question just so there's clarification.. why would it matter if this guy is moving in if you're not living there? My boyfriend had his best friend move in last September and it was an absolute nightmare. We've broken up so many times over it - it was a joke. Nothing but video game playing, pot smoking, drinking 5x's a WEEK, up to 36 beers between them a night.. oh my god. We live together now and everytings been great but... the reason why I was upset with this guy moving in, was because his room mate was around constantly.. always there. Always hanging around. We use to just hang out in his house alone together for a solid year and a half.. and then his best friend moved in and everything was pretty much crap for 8 months. It's hard to set ground rules if you don't live there, but I wouldn't stand for any nonproductive and what I endured. I think I waited way too long to see any changes. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 If he does end up moving in, I do think he should contribute in some way- whether its helping with rent, or groceries, or something else. Yeah, that is how I would want it to be too, although I am hopeing it does not happen Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 Then what is the problem with his friend moving in if you are more or less moving out for weeks at a time? Well acctually if he was the move in it could be now or later, no time really set...Well I will still be living here just not while I am working. It doesn't make sense to me to drive to my parents place every morning at like 5-6am, when I could just stay with them and have a shorter drive... They both work at the same job, so the days Jack has off my boyfriend works. I would not have anymore privacy... I will go batty without some alone time here. And the work with my dad is only going to be for 6 weeks or more... so I will be back and coming back and having to feel resposible for driving them everywhere is going to get a tad annoying. Unless I ask for gas from the friend I suppose. There is good and bads to him moving him... He does pick up after himself, however if he could pay even 100 bucks for rent that would be great. Link to comment
InvisibleWound Posted July 20, 2010 Author Share Posted July 20, 2010 Yes, I have been living here for over 3 years and I pay my 305.00 every month plus other bills. wow that story sounds awful... The worst thing I can see happening is him and his friend spending WAY to much time together and forgetting I exist... We will lose our privacy. They will play video games and watch movies. And his friend has no family here so he will be here most of the time, aside from work. I pay rent to and my half of bills plus my own bills so imo, I do have a say in this to... I have not really told him how I felt yet but I plan to today or tomorrow hopefully. Link to comment
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