Should i be worried?

[hmmNO]

My girlfriend is sometimes flirting with a co-worker. they work in the same office, they go together to work sometimes with his car sometimes with our car. sometimes they talk on YM (very rarely) and they did some innocent flirting which i read because i was a curious * * * * * * * .

She sometimes complains about how badly he treats his girlfriend and how badly * * * * * whipped he is. since his girl doesnt know he is driving my girlfriend to work and he is afraid to tell her. thing is i know how important flirting is for women and i just know how good it makes them feel about themselves since i flirt(a lot) myself.

We have been faithful to eachother for the past 6 years since we are together but she is curious about what it would be with another man altho i dont think she could cheat on me based on how i know her. And another thing she is an engineer and works in a male dominated territory so most of her co-workers are men. they ask her to join them at the local bar after work hours but she never went because i said i dont really enjoy the thought of 5-6 men around my girl. Should i just give her more freedom?. Was i stupid to invade her privacy like that(my guess is yes)?!

[Sparkly Eyes]

Yeah, I don't think you have to worry about this situation, specially if it's just innocent flirting. I wouldn't like my boyfriend limiting me, but it is acceptable in some relationships.

[AJEDrew7]

She works in a male dominated feel so it comes with the territory that guys are going to give her attention and she's going to flirt to get the attention. If you worked with all females wouldn't you be doing the same (especially when you say you already flirt a lot)? Your wife's co-worker should be able to tell his wife about carpooling, which is economical and a good way to be friendly with co-workers. I wouldn't exactly be worried about her hanging out at a bar with 5 guys or her messaging anyone. I would be more worried about her telling you she wants to know how it is to date someone else (and being very serious about these statements). But, seems to me you have no reason not to trust her if she's been completely faithful to you for that long.

[nutbrownhare]

My experience in the past of working in a male-dominated environment is that, after a while, they start to view you as 'one of the lads', especially if you share the blokey humour and really muck in with all the practical tasks. Including if you're physically attractive.

 

Also, with flirting - especially if both people are in committed relationships already - paradoxically, it de-sexualises relationships in that it keeps them within strict boundaries. If your girl is complaining about how badly her flirtatious co-worker treats his girlfriend, she's VERY unlikely to want to get involved with him.

 

Years ago, I had a wonderful friendship with a colleague - he was wonderfully supportive, we were really close, had great fun together. For a time, we shared a house when I'd sold mine but couldn't move into my new one yet. But I would never have got involved with him because of the appalling way he treated his actual girlfriends. Looking back, I think I probably had the best relationship possible with that particular guy - again, within strict boundaries.

 

If your girl works with men all the time, she's going to have a better handle than most on how they operate. She's certainly not going to have any unrealistic romantic ideas about them!

 

Does she actually want to go to the bar with these guys? If so, is there anything preventing you from joining them? Maybe, if she's been working with them all week, she's happy to get away and back to you.

 

If she wants to join her colleagues after work, then I wouldn't stand in her way. You say you don't like the idea of 5 - 6 men around your girl. But she's had many more men than that around her all day! Honestly, I don't think you've got anything to worry about.

 

However, I am a little concerned that you regard 'her freedom' as something you have the right to give or withhold. Perhaps you don't mean it quite as baldly as that, and it's just your choice of words, but this is an attitude which you might want to look at more closely!

[hmmNO]

by "should i give her more freedom" i mean should i just say i`m okay with her going out with them

Anyway as i said she has been faithful for the past 6 years and we were close friends for 3 years before that. i`m 99.9% sure she is faithful. the thing that worried me is that she deleted that convo after a few days like she didnt want me to see. it felt like i`m being lied to. I have never ever been jealous or suspicious about anything idk why i got like this now.

Anyway ur comments are very much appreciated. Thanks for taking your time to post an answer

[nutbrownhare]

the thing that worried me is that she deleted that convo after a few days like she didnt want me to see. it felt like i`m being lied to. I have never ever been jealous or suspicious about anything idk why i got like this now.

My guess is that she deleted the convo because it might look more worrying than it actually was, taken out of context. After all this time, it seems highly unlikely that she's going to do anything untoward. However, if you've already said that you didn't like the idea of her going out with her colleagues she probably thought you wouldn't like the innocent flirting either. After all, if it was anything serious she'd have deleted it immediately!

[OptomisticGirl]

by "should i give her more freedom" i mean should i just say i`m okay with her going out with them

Anyway as i said she has been faithful for the past 6 years and we were close friends for 3 years before that. i`m 99.9% sure she is faithful. the thing that worried me is that she deleted that convo after a few days like she didnt want me to see. it felt like i`m being lied to. I have never ever been jealous or suspicious about anything idk why i got like this now.

Anyway ur comments are very much appreciated. Thanks for taking your time to post an answer

 

While the rest seems okay, I would have a serious talk with her about deleting the conversations. It could have been an automatic thing or she could have just not wanted to upset you. Idk. But there is no harm in talking to her about it and asking her why.

 

The only time I'd become worried in this whole situation, is if she keeps deleting the conversations.

[hmmNO]

Anyway...2 months later and i finally get it out of her, they kissed TWICE, i confronted the guy after she told me but the bastard is too wimp to even admit it(probably scared he would loose his 4 y relationship). So ofc when i tell her thats the end she cries,begs, says that this made her realize i`m the one etc. etc.

 

So the "elders" just laughed and said don`t worry its just a kiss there will be far worse things happening in your couple life but i just cant stand the fact that she cheated...especially since i was faithful for 6 years . plus i tend to think that if u do it once, its on the menu from that point on.

 

Bottom line is i`m out..too bad we`we wasted 6 years .

[pl3asehelp]

Lesson learned, there is no such thing as 'innocent flirting'. For those that believe there is, well, they can't get inside of the mind of the other person involved, so they can't truthfully say that it is innocent on both sides. Dont' flirt when you're in a relationship. This is how it ends.

[sweetpea03]

by "should i give her more freedom" i mean should i just say i`m okay with her going out with them

Anyway as i said she has been faithful for the past 6 years and we were close friends for 3 years before that. i`m 99.9% sure she is faithful. the thing that worried me is that she deleted that convo after a few days like she didnt want me to see. it felt like i`m being lied to. I have never ever been jealous or suspicious about anything idk why i got like this now.

Anyway ur comments are very much appreciated. Thanks for taking your time to post an answer

 

I would say it's fine if she goes out with a group, but wouldn't be ok if she went out one on one with one of her male coworkers. And I do think that flirting is not ok when she is in a relationship with you. I don't think there is such a thing as innocent flirty. I would not be ok if my boyfriend was flirty with other women, and I would not flirt with men. I already have the man I want, so why flirt.