I can't figure her out

[MR.B]

Lets just start with a little background info I'm 22 she is 21 we have a 15 month old son and we are engaged and live together.So the problem is when we first started dating we humped like bunnies prob around 4 to 7 times a week she couldnt get enough and we would try so many "NEW" things we've had 3 ways with other girls hell even had her sister with us, they didnt touch eachother just me.Before our son our sex life was wild and even after he was born we still kept it pretty strong but as time goes by she seems less and less into sex. Everytime we have sex it is because i'm the one who has to get the ball rolling on it, and most times when i try to get some so to speak she will always say she is tired or doesnt feel good, also she seems to always be on her monthly girl trouble i think she lies about that one cause she knows i have no intrest in going into a covo about that also she has told me that sex is sometimes painful for her now i'm not braggin but i am hung well but we've never had a problem with sex causing pain before the worse part is i use to have an ego like i was top dog when me and her first met now after how many times i've been turned down i feel as if she doesnt think i'm sexy or whatever so my ego is almost gone even tho i wont show it. i know what so of you will say "talk to her" and trust me i have but she says the same ol stuff time and time again. "yes i find you sexy" "yes i like having sex with you" "no there isn't someone else" i just dont know what to do anymore the cherry on it all is she always ALWAYS will promise me something amazing ex: tonight she got a sitter and came down to the bar i work at 4 a night out with 1 of her friends and after i closed up because it was a slow night she said we'd all go to the strip club which sounded good to me we get all ready and are at her friends house picking her up when her friend changes her mind and doesnt wanna go which makes my girl not wanna go cause its to "costly" and her friend says well i hope he wont be mad (meaning me) and my girl says no he wont i'll give him a taste of the strip club at home,(sounds good so far right?) well we get home she says she isnt feeling to well the 5 min car ride made her sick even though she had 5 drinks tonight not nearly enough to make her drunk and or sick so while she is doing only god knows what downstairs i'm in bed waiting for her she comes up stairs and gets into her bummy pjs not sexy at all! lays down next to me and says "i'm not feeling good the car ride made me sick you still want me to get you off?" i say "well i wanted what you promised me not just some simple hand job or bj" she hugs me says she is sorry and rolls over and goes to bed now what is going through my mind rignt now is * * * and tomorrow i'll be quite to her all day until she keeps pushing and i tell her what pissed me off and she will say "i offered to help you get off" yeah but its not what she promised me now i just need some help from you ppl to tell me if i'm crazy or if she is.

[MikNomis]

That does sound pretty frustrating. How about you try to take control of the sex? This might be really tough to pull off, but try turning her on all week or 2 by like being the one to pull away from making out and basically just keep leaving her wanting more, but make sure not to go all the way. Try to resist having sex with her until she wonders why you're not going for her. It might make her feel less sexy, but could cause her to try make you want her.

[civilservant]

As relationships mature and age the flame that is there in the beginning just flickers slightly. It's the natural cause of events. You have a son, and I'm sure he tales alotnout of both of you. I would say talk to her but you're clearly already tried that tack. I agree that the above is a possibility but if she then dosent respond it's clearly going to make you feel worse.

 

Can you recall when this really started? Or has it built up?

[Jenney621]

Okay, I'm brand new here, but I'd like to weigh in on your situation.

 

You fairly recently had a baby, and I'd wager that your gf might be having some self image issues. Do you frequently tell her that she's beautiful/sexy? Do you convey that when you want to have sex with her it's because she turns you on and you can't get enough of her? If she feels unsexy, she may need a few compliments that she doesn't want to fish for.

 

Here is my interpretation of the event that you described:

 

She wanted to go to a strip club with you and her friend to observe women who are professionally sexy, perhaps to learn something new that she might try. Her friend backed out - that means that if she goes with just you, she has to watch you ogle women she finds sexier than her (which she doesn't want to do). So she says that she'll give you a strip show, and you possibly do not outwardly react (or do not react in the manner that she hoped). During the 5 minute car ride she thinks that you didn't react excitedly because you don't really want to watch her do that. She backs out of the idea, and you do not protest and say that you really wanted her to do that. She goes and puts on her frumpiest pjs because she is not feeling sexy. She then offers to "get you off" because she knows you have needs, and you reject even that, so she goes to sleep.

 

I know that this may sound a little off the wall, but that is how some women think. No matter how beautiful or sexy you think a woman is, she will never think so highly of herself and always have some self doubt.

 

You say that you've talked to her, but it seems that you are simply getting out your concerns and not asking what's wrong with her. Have you ever explicitly asked if she's having any problems or feeling down?

 

If you have, perhaps you could physically and verbally show her how attractive you find her. Tell her at random how beautiful she is to you. Come up behind her, give her a hug and kiss on the neck and tell her how much she turns you on. Try a little romance that may be lacking recently with all of your new responsibilities with the baby. Find a babysitter for a night and take her out and then to a hotel for a one-night getaway.

 

Sorry this post is kind of long. Good luck!

[Puckdog27]

Has she gained any weight due to the baby? Does she make any comments about how she thinks of her outward appearance? I know alot of times women relate their own self opinion of themselves to sex. If they dont feel sexy they lose the interests. Even when we reassure them we find them sexy, its not enough. This may explain her lack of interest.

[OptomisticGirl]

having a baby changes A LOT. She could have her whole focus on the baby and tired from that, or as the poster above said, gained weight and doesn't feel as sexy.

 

She is a woman though, you can tell us how sexy and beautiful we are, but even we want to be SHOWN it sometimes. Have you tried romancing her to try to get her in the mood?

[capilot]

... we have a 15 month old son ...

 

I think that pretty much covers it. She's exhausted.