How to get my ex back after becoming more confident

[Sam _]

My ex, Lou, broke up with me last february because I wasn't exactly stable. I didn't have much confidence and, in four months, I didn't make much of a move at all and didn't see her very often. Plus I was basically letting family dictate my relationship. No car so basically everything involving me and her was all on her. It hurt pretty bad but we've stayed friends.

 

In the next few months I started breaking off from the people who continued trying to control me after I had talked to them about it. I've managed to gain independance where only I really have a say in what goes on in my life. I've got a car, a better job, and my confidence has pretty much skyrocketted.

 

We've hung out probably 4 times in the last few months. I've dated this one girl for about 8 months and have been single for a little under a month. My sister (who is also my best friend) came to me and told me she had something she wanted to talk to me about. I've known that she is friends with Lou and talks with her a lot. Well, she told me that she and Lou talked last night saying not to tell Lou she told me about it.

 

My sister apparently told Lou that I was thinking about breaking up with the girl I was dating not too long ago. I don't know the details but she said that Lou eventually admitted that she has regretted breaking up with me ever since she did because I am the only guy thats treated her right and still sticks by her without wanting anything despite all her problems. She's mentioned she has noticed how independent and confident I've become.

 

The last thing she told me about the conversation was:

 

Sis- So if he asked you to hang out and he starts trying to make it more into a date while you two are hanging out, what would you do? Or would you rather him just be a friend.

 

Lou- lol idk honestly

 

Sis- So you don't know what you would do if he pulled you over to a corner "with a surprise" and kissed you?

 

Lou- lmao haha no i don't know

 

I still like her and want to start our relationship over again from the beginning. How much of a chance do I seem to have? And what exactly would I need to do to be able to get things started back up? Just need some tips since this is the first time I've gone back to an ex.

[Ivory_Tower]

Honestly, once you have improved your self-steem and done things that make YOU happy you won't even want your ex back.

 

You need to forget your ex completely and go NC.

 

People always want what they can't have, and that may be the case here. If not, start from scratch. Improve yourself and your life. That is the beginning.

[Sam _]

Honestly, I don't really blame her for breaking up with me in the first place. I stopped liking her a little while before I met my last gf. I've been hanging out with Lou more often after probably only 2 conversations in 8 months and I'm starting to like her more. I've actually seen a lot of very positive changes in her. Stopped smoking, stopped drinking, went back to school, going to college this fall, got a job and already a promotion. Before it was the opposite. Thought she was too smart for school so she ditched it, constantly smoking and drinking. Her own self esteem has improved and is actually taking a lot better care of herself. She has really matured and seems to have changed a great deal since we broke up.

 

I'm willing to give it a try if she is. She always tried to be the best friend she could like I do for her and we've been on good grounds with each other since probably 3 months after we broke up. Plus, we started off pretty fast by jumping into a "BF/GF" relationship on the first date. By starting at the beginning, I want to at least court her for a bit and go slowly while getting to know each other again.

[MikNomis]

So it's been 8 months since Lou and you have broken up? And you guys have been on low contact? Call her and ask her out on a date. But leave the past behind, meaning try to date her as if it's the first time. Flirt with her, make it fun.

[bwhite00]

Great advice all the way around. One thing I'll add is don't make my mistake: I.e try to get too far, too fast. These things take time and patience. So don't jump at the first positive sign that things are going well. Just go with the flow and if she's interested, usually after a handful of nice times together shell give you subtle and sometimes not so subtle hints. Good luck!

[Sam _]

I started dating the girl I broke up with recently about 8 months ago. Lou and I broke up last february so it would be almost a 18 months since Lou and I broke up. I don't plan on moving too fast too soon. I kinda did that before while not really trying to actually make any moves, if that makes sense. Basically tried to rush things while being too scared or nervous to kiss her.