Dating Questions

[shy2cool]

Firstly, should I just ask somebody that I am initially attracted to (within reason) or should I wait until I get to know them better and am sure they could be the special one?

 

I mean, the purpose of dating is to find out whether we're compatible.

 

Secondly, how would you approach asking someone out on a date as an adult?

 

Thirdly, I don't know where to take a woman out on a first date. This is easy when you're a teen/young adult - movies, coffee, or somewhere simple. Do the same rules apply when you're in your mid-late 20s?

 

Lastly, how should I act on a date? I don't want to come accross like a shy, awkward little boy when I'm a grown man. This may be cute for teens, but is probably a turn off for women.

 

I'm embarrassed to even ask these questions, but I don't have very much dating experience and don't want to seem like a weirdo. I know people say that you should be yourself, but I somehow don't think that the shy, sensitive me is what any women I encounter want.

 

Thank you.

[dancingcolors]

I wouldn't ask someone for a date, I just met like five minutes before. I guess if you just met, andyou might never see them again, I think it would be o.k. to say I'd like to get to know you better. would you like to go have soem coffee or tea, and talk a bit.

 

You don't have to wait till you know they are the special one. how are you going to find out? A date is a way to get to know the better.

 

I would just tel the person I would like to get to know them a little better, and would they like to go out with me. I would keep it more simple. Nothing fancy and extravagent for a first date. Coffee is kind of too cheap and simple. A nice dinner in a modeately priced place could be good, maybe. Or lunch. Or if you have a common interest, like a museum or something.

 

How to act. Just be yourself. Be polite. Be considerate. Talk and listen both.

[Xylitol]

There's no such thing as special, this is an important realisation, because you are dealing with reality here, not some fairy tale story.

 

The purpose is not to find out if you are compatible, you shouldn't go on a date with the idea that 'this is the one', or 'this might be the one', all human beings are different, there's no compatibility whatsoever to begin with. Its much more likely that you have to 'grow' towards eachother. So please let go of that idea.

 

To ask someone out on a date , you first want to be as informal with that person as possible, try to make it sound coinsidental, like hey i wanted to goto the theatre (x performance) do you want to come along, tell how good it is , etc then just wait until she bites or not.

 

You can at least try to be funny, not the type of humor that goes down the drain, but really fun entertainment , this also goes for your casual talking.

[catfeeder]

You can walk right down the middle and ask her if she's free to grab a sandwich or a cup of coffee with you next time you see her. This will give you some relaxed one-on-one face time, and you can pick up vibes about whether to ask her out for something more date-like from there.

[Stay_home]

Don't overthink things, it's a date, not the day of your wedding. Be yourself, try to take her somewhere that doesn't cost any money. Go for a walk or foot a $5 tab for coffee or mochas for the both of you. If you don't know how to act, act like a man that can't fail. Be confident in yourself, sit up straight and speak like you've got an education from somewhere. Ask her questions, but at the same time, think of new ones to ask and pawn your questions toward her interest to get her talking so you can learn what type of woman she is and what she's passionate about. I may alter a few things on each date: maybe in terms of where the date is at and what I decide to wear, but I don't change or alter my character to suit the liking of nobody. You get what you get with me, you don't like it, roll. I tell every woman I meet the same thing, cause there are no games with me and I don't have anything to hide. And if the date don't work out, then it just ain't work out, I look for somebody else to chill with. I never make a big deal out of a date, I just move on to the next. I see a lot of members here do it, the minute you start to take dates personally, you've lost. So don't lose, win, remember you cannot fail at this. As long as there are women on this planet, you will never be a loser, because you always get another try.

[bulletproof]

I disagree that dating is how you see if you're compatible, unless it's a blind date or an internet date. But someone you see regularly should not be approached that way. You should talk to her and get to know her in the context of the situation you're already in. If someone asked me out on a date and I barely knew him, I would wonder why. Is that the situation here?

[shy2cool]

So you're saying that I shouldn't bother asking someone out until I know them? That really limits my opportunities then.

[Batya33]

I think if it's through a dating site you set up a first meet as soon as possible after talking on the phone (which should happen within a week or less, ideally, of the first e-mail. Coffee, something in a public place, something short.

 

I think it's important to be involved in activities events, organizations where meeting people is natural, so that if you ask someone out you're not asking out a random stranger but someone you know through a group, organization or activity, even if you don't yet know the person well. For example, I once met someone on a weekend spiritual retreat and after the weekend he called me to invite me to lunch.

 

I met another guy I dated through his brother who I was friendly with, we started emailing about his brother who was traveling the world with his wife, and at some point we decided to grab dinner. A few days after that he asked me if I wanted to see a movie. We were both in our 30s at the time.

 

I met my husband at work and we'd really only spoken a few times before he asked me out - we never worked together. He called me and asked me to lunch so that I wouldn't feel it was definitely a date since we worked at the same company. After that he asked me out to drinks.

 

As far as activities, events, organizations - I was constantly involved in a number of different things where I met people - it took a lot of my free time (and I had little free time) but it was worth it to make sure I was "out there".

 

good luck!

As far as how to act on a date - 80/20 - listen 80% of the time - people love to talk about themselves and that way you can learn a lot more and not have to worry as much about appearing "shy".

[shy2cool]

Thanks for your advice!!

 

How about these kinds of situations -

 

1. I start talking to someone new somewhere (maybe a bar), can I then ask them for their number?

 

2. I speak with someone whom I know from somewhere/some activity I do with them; can I just straight out ask them out to coffee/lunch/movie?

[shy2cool]

I disagree that dating is how you see if you're compatible, unless it's a blind date or an internet date. But someone you see regularly should not be approached that way. You should talk to her and get to know her in the context of the situation you're already in. If someone asked me out on a date and I barely knew him, I would wonder why. Is that the situation here?

 

In that kind of situation is asking for your number more appropriate?

[bulletproof]

In that kind of situation is asking for your number more appropriate?

 

It's not that it's inappropriate, I would just find it kind of strange if someone I barely knew was asking me for my phone number. If I work with someone and we've had a few conversations about similar interests, maybe I could see that person wanting to get to know more, but if it's merely that he has seen me around the office, I'm going to wonder.

 

I suspect you are trying to avoid the initial conversation with a potential interest and going straight for the date. Trust me when I tell you that you are making it more awkward for yourself. Also, bars should be the last place on your list to find potential mates. Start becoming more active in your life and find situations that will put you together with women. Cold approaches are not realistic.