The ex has come back...now what?

[1st timer]

Hi all,

 

It has been a few weeks since I last posted. I have been using the NC durring this time and have found it quite useful. I have had the wonderful support of my brother who told me to call him everytime I want to call my ex. It has been a wonderful way of dealing with my breakup, and I would recommend it to everyone.

 

Here is my new problem. I realize that I really shouldn't call it a problem, but I just don't know what to do. My ex and I were together for 3 years. She needed space and initiated the break-up. Once I started to not contact her, she began to call me. We made plans to see each other and had a great time. After seeing each other for 4 days in a row, she had to leave for work. She was very affectionate 3 out of the 4 days we spent time together. The third day was a little less flirtatious than the other 3, but we had a good time anyway. The day she left for her trip, was the morning after we last hung out. We last hung out a week ago today. She called to let me know she was getting ready to leave and that she wanted to make sure I got home ok. She then asked to call me when she got in. I said fine because I love to hear from her. Let me cut to the chase. She called Monday while I was working. She said that she loved me and missed me. She told me that she wanted to come home. I explained that she would be coming home in few days and that she would be fine in the mean time. She then explained that she wanted to come home to me. We've never lived together, this was a figure of speech. I told her how good it felt to hear her say this. She asked if she could call me more often than she has been. I said absolutely. She has called a few times since that conversation.

 

Ok this time I am really going to get to my "problem." I don't know if I should call her. I don't know how often is appropriate to call. I don't want to make her feel smothered like she did when she broke up with me. Does anybody have experience in this type of situation? Any help, whether you have gone through this or not, would be appreciated.

 

I feel for all of you out there. Hang in there. Find a person who will be as supportive as my brother was and know that this too will pass.

[hurt and confused]

Wow I'm so happy for you! I'm curious how long you were split up?

 

The only advise I have for you is to be cautious about how much contact you initiate. People who get smothered once, get smothered again. I would just continue to be there for her when she calls you for now. If she leaves you a message, by all means call her back. Don't just call to say hi or think of some excuse or question you need to ask her. If you do initiate a call, keep it short (less than 10 minutes). If she wants more, she will tell you, she is female Then you can slowly give her a little more and gauge it by her actions. If you start to see her fading or going into a cave, let her. Don't question it.

 

I hope that helps. I was just in the same situation but unfortunately, I couldn't maintain enough restraint and continued to make contact and now the love of my life is gone for good.

 

Congratulations and good luck.

[1st timer]

To answer your question, we have been apart since the first week in March.

[IamAlone]

just curious...what is "NC rule"? is it No communication rule

[1st timer]

yes.

[smiles314]

Hey, im curious to know how long you were doing the NC rule for?? Since the March?

[1st timer]

Sort of. We always had some contact. What changed was who initiated the contact. At first the contact was started by both of us. My brother, my younger brother, pulled me aside one day and said that I needed to follow his advice now because my way of handling the situation was not working. This was about the end of April. I stopped calling her at all. It was tough not calling her when a week or ten days would pass. My brother has been an amazing asset durring this time. He demanded to hear from me everytime I wanted to call her. The night he told me what he expected, he said that if he didn't hear from me at least three times the next day. He said that if he heard from me any less then he would assume I called her and come over to my home to "beat me up." Having his support has been incredible. I wish I could loan him to all who are hurting. I am still struggling with initiatig contact. I am excited about her coming around, but I just want to be cautious. Does this seem normal?