i'll do anything....

[blgmike2]

i tried it all fellas. i tried going NC, i tried writing her an email expressing my love for her and the mistake i made, and then tried moving on (only been a couple days) nothing seems to work (read my last thread if you dont know what im talking about)

 

i dont want to forget her, i dont want to rid my feelings for her. i want her back. the email thing didnt work, she read it which was touching enough for me. i went through our "box" of memories we had in my closet, the email we sent back and forth during our LDR, then thought about all the memories. i cant go 1 min without thinking of her, what shes doing. i truly, genuinely care for her.

 

my question is: despite me breaking up with her 4 months ago and her having a rebound bf (started dating him 2 weeks after we stopped talking) how do i win her back? how do i remind her of the feelings she has for me? i know she still cares about me and thinks about me from time to time. is there anything i can do to win her back. im desperate at this point and ill do anything....i love and miss her so much.

[Stay_home]

Here's my advice: If whatever broke the two of you is still going to be there when you get back together, then you don't need to be together anymore. If it's that much of a problem, it's likely to cause you break up again. I'm curious what was the reason for the breakup?

[Ms Darcy]

The great sadness in life is that you cannot change another peson's mind. She must decide for herself. If she says no (verbally, in writing, or thorugh silence), then you have no choice but to keep moving on.

[savignon]

Agree with MsDarcy. If she has another boyfriend and has otherwise moved on, you can't spend your time and energy trying to make her feel something different.

[wheatgrass82]

oh what a total and utter sweet heart you are. I WISH my (recently ex) man was sitting around pining for me like that and then I'd probs give him another chance.... eventually anyway. I might bide my time.. She has the upper hand here. And honestly thre is nothing you can do but feel the pain. PAIN IS LOVE. Love is a beautiful thing even when you are not getting what you want.. The depth of emotion you are in right now is beautiful. She is a lucky girl. But it has not been THAT long. really...... not long at all..... i'd give her a wide birth and let her come to you... You've done all you can now..... the more you chasse her the more you could chase her away. She knows you are there and you love her..... you really must practise patience like you were a buddhist monk or youll drive yourself nanas. .patience my friend. let her come to you or not at all..... no harm seeing whawts out there in the meantime.... jsut for giggles and for something to do.......keep busy. And if you're not busy.. act as if you were. Patience patience patience never hurt anyone.

[Wendy_2008]

try snail mail? letters are powerful but email is impersonal. dont give up if you think she's the one but you'll also need to give her time to obsorb what your feelings for her. be patient , keep the faith. but in the meantime. dont put all your energy in gettnig her back. make your own plans. go out and have fun. it's less pressure for her too. good luck.

[stu1973]

Here you go mucker,

 

Have a wee gander at this thread, I feel the same as you, so I thought a letter would be a great idea, so I bought expensive writing paper, an expensive pen, and took about 2 weeks of drafts to put all my thoughts down.

 

Granted the results weren't quite what I wanted, but I don't regret sending it one bit.

 

Hopefully my story will help you decide what to do. But what I would say is don't email it, or do it on a PC, hand write it. But stop short of writing it with a big feather quill and parchment. Cos that'd be weird.

 

 

 

Oh, and can I just say, you need to wait a while. Doing ANYTHING while in a state of desperation isn't a good idea. You need to be cool, calm and collected. Think Sean Connery as James Bond at all times.......

[blgmike2]

guys thanks for all the help. after talking to one of my boys here are the things that are on my side: the fact that she READ my email. anything or potentially everything she has thought about the idea or the things i said, its in her head.

 

i am going to let it take its course and try contacting her in a month or two just to remind her. life is tough without her but i am confident we will be back together again. theres alot i didnt say to her in that email and its stuff that is going to touch her heart (im very good writing out my feelings) i know how she feels about me, she said i was her first love. this is not over. im going to try contacting her again in a month or so again via email.

 

thanks for the help guys. any more advice would be greatly appreciated.

[blgmike2]

shes def gonna hold a grudge bc i hurt her via the breakup (FEB was when we ended talking) so its still new. she started dating this guy 2 WEEKS after we stopped talking. thats a rebound.

 

shes holding that grduge but it doesnt mean what i wrote/sent didnt hit home. thats satisfiying for me all in itself. im looking at it differently now and once that lust settles between her n the new guy, thats where ill be. she will contact me..

[baxxter]

Mike, you are very positive today.

 

I don't want to encourage you to hold onto hope and wait for her, but at least you are sure that you wrote what you felt like you have to write.

 

Hope this will bring you further ahead to acceptance.

[blgmike2]

Mike, you are very positive today.

 

I don't want to encourage you to hold onto hope and wait for her, but at least you are sure that you wrote what you felt like you have to write.

 

Hope this will bring you further ahead to acceptance.

 

thanks baxxter. i am trying to be positive. the fact that she has yet to delete the email and has kept it makes me think she is "thinking" about the whole thing, that what i wrote got to her.

 

what can i do to make her think of me more? to win her back? i know how to get to her heart and i know she loves me still. i have faith we will back together...but i need to show her ive changed and that i can make her happier than her current rebound bf.

 

other than the hand written letter, what else can i do electronically? i was thinking song lyrics, video, a powerpoint of our memories. something lol i know that sounds corny but im desperate. i have a weird feeling that she is thinking about me and until she tells me other wise im going to keep my faith of us.

[Ms Darcy]

How do you know she hasn't deleted the email?

[baxxter]

I thought you heard from her sister that she deleted it?

 

Anyway.

 

There is nothing you can do now. OK, this is I know. When 2 people are meant to be, they will be together. No matter what one does, or doesn't they will be together.

 

Funnily enough I still have faith, a small faith, that my ex will come back. I have been dumped so many times, and I think I know when guys are gone for good, and my gut feeling tell me that it's not done, yet. And what I do? Just wait. Being absence is the strongest presence. Really. (Plus it helps me to move on if he doesn't come back.)

 

How many times did we talk about dead celebrities in such fond way? Dead people can make no mistake. Same applies to NC. When you do nothing, you can't do more harm.

 

I tell you this. All my scum exes left me in terrible ways. Did I miss any of them? Yes, I sure did. Did I do anything? No! Did they ever come back? Absolutely!

 

Mike, I feel for ya, I so wish my ex was thinking in the same line (!) Just sit tight. If she really is the one she WILL come back!

 

Good luck x

[blgmike2]

UPDATE: According to a close friend of mine (who is also close friends with my ex) texted me today to see how i was doing. i said fine why, and she said my ex had told her and another friend that i emailed her and told them what i said in it but she wouldnt tell me anything else.

 

does this mean anything? the fact that she told 2 of her friends, 1 of them being my friend too. she had to have known she was going to tell me.

[baxxter]

Doesn't mean much, I don't think. I know guys do that to be the winner of 2, tho.

 

I tell you when I tell my friends;

 

1. because I am fed up with my ex and want to seek advice on how to stop them coming back.

 

2. because I was happy to hear from my ex but was uncertain how he felt and not sure what action should follow.

 

So, can be anything, Mike. Don't fret over it too much, tile will tell, it will.

 

Good luck x

[lucylogan]

blgmike2 - If you truly truly want to get her back, you need to do more than just stop having contact with her. You need to stop contacting her for at least 4 weeks solid. 4 weeks solid with no communication. During that time, start to rebuild your self esteem and happiness. It's definitely not easy, but it works! But you can't let her see you feeling desperate, insecure or needy. You need to appear to her that you've moved on. I'd be happy to jump on the phone and talk to you about this for a bit, I've totally been there before!

[blgmike2]

blgmike2 - If you truly truly want to get her back, you need to do more than just stop having contact with her. You need to stop contacting her for at least 4 weeks solid. 4 weeks solid with no communication. During that time, start to rebuild your self esteem and happiness. It's definitely not easy, but it works! But you can't let her see you feeling desperate, insecure or needy. You need to appear to her that you've moved on. I'd be happy to jump on the phone and talk to you about this for a bit, I've totally been there before!

 

giving it a shot. going NC for about 4 weeks and im gonna see if she contacts me, if not, then i know that its done and over.

 

ive been better the past couple of days. trying to stay busy and talking to this girl at my work. shes nice but just friends right now but definitly an attraction there.

 

still having weird fantasies and dreams about my ex tho. someone knocked on my door and i didnt answer and then i fell back asleep, dreamt i heard her keys jingling, and she came into my room and climbed in bed with me. but again, just a dream...o well.

 

doing better though. i just hope i can keep it up. but man do i miss her...