Is she using me or love me?

[JTS]

My Ex and I have a complicated relationship. We still love eachother very much but we know that it is best for her not to have a bf right now. She wants to become more independent. She calls me approx. every other day to say hi or talk. It is now long distance because she moved back home, the west coast for the summer. I know that she really still loves me because of the way that we talk to eachother. We always talk as if this is only temporary however sometimes her actions do not allign with her words.

 

We broke up about 3 months ago. For awhile we were talking but it became too hard so i said that we should stop. We did however see eachother everywere because our school is small. It was kinda weird but i decided to ask her out the week before she left. It was one of the best nights we ever had together. The following week I expressed intrerest in seeing her again. It worked out that we hung out and had a great time like 2 more times but only after her friends plans fell through. I helped her move all of her stuff out of her apt. and am letting her store her things at my apt until she gets back. I also brought her to the airport.

 

From when she left about a week and a half ago she has been calling regularly and she even offered to fly me out over the summer to come and visit. I am now realizing it probibly wont happen though she did throw it into converstation about 3 times. She called me yesterday at about 4:30pm and sounded so happy to hear from me but I was at the doctor and asked if I could call her back, and before I got of the phone she was like I Love you and I said it back ( we still say I love you and I miss you).. I called her back at 6:15 and after she didnt call back by 12:30am so I left her a message saying if she was okay(I knew she was) and that I wanted to talk to her. She finally called me at 2:30 (12;30 her time). The conversation was good but I added in "so am I commin to see you or no."

 

She gave this excuse that she has to get her life in order ie.get a job etc. before she can worry about it. Then she complained she had a headache about it and said that we would talk about it tomorrow. My question is, Did she just offer because I went through so much hassle to help her out with moving out or did she really want me to come out. (We had been planning forever for me to come out there even after we broke up but I was reluctant at the time.) Does she still love me or am I just a source of quick comfort for her. If so what should I do about this situation? She wont be back for two more months. I love her so much and I know we are perfect for eachother but is it worth me going through her mixed signals.

[roo1oo]

My take on the visiting her situation is that she really wants you to come out, but realized later it wasn't a good idea if she wants to "get her life on track" out there and become more independent. Also, maybe because you didn't respond as ethusiastically as she had hoped when she first mentioned you visiting, she prepared herself for you declining the invitation. I'm guilty of that.

 

As far as the quick comfort issue, I doubt anyone that is not in love with a certain person vies for quick comfort from that person. Unless theyre out to hurt you too. I'm sure she's extremely confused. She loves you but knows she needs to become more independent incase your relationship doesn't work out until after college (I am assuming). She's doesn't want to be dependent on you for the rest of her life.

 

If i were you, I'd take this time to become more independent too. Go out with your friends. If your not together, maybe go out on a date or two. Make sure it doesn't go further than a date (and also make sure your ex is ok with it). If she's taking the summer to find herself and maybe find out if your the one she wants to be with, shouldn't you use this time to do the same?

 

Good luck!

[kuhl282000]

Hello

 

Sounds like love to me...........Just stay busy and the two months will be a breeze. You also have the ace in the hole, you have her stuff at your place. Just give it some time, and take off the pressure. She is making some changes in her life, and she needs support and not pressure. As far as the trip, she will let you know. and don't forget the important issue of the cost. She may be offering and may not be able to afford it at this time. It is a nice thought though.

 

Stay Positive

 

Kuhl

 

8)

[Alec]

Hey man I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm in a VERY similar situation so i'll give you some help. She's not using you end of story. She's right, she needs to get independent. She probably decided to go against the coming out there part because she realized it might not be such a good idea, either because of the independence issue or maybe the costs/your reaction. But anyways stay positive, stay supportive, and keep the love. You'll be fine, why do i say this? Because if you don't end up being fine I'M NOT GONNA END UP BEING FINE. Cheers m8 any other things come up just drop me a private message.