Not serious enough

[Kinkz]

So I have this problem where I can't take anything seriously, be it relationships, life, death, pets, work.

 

Everything comes accross as a joke to me, this isn't really a problem but it does become a problem much when the person on the other end is serious and can't see the joke side to it, its awkward and i really have to surpress my giggles and act serious, but inside i know im not serious at all. This outer and inner conflict is becoming a bit of a problem now.I just want to be the same person from within and outside without society pointing fingers at me or reprimanding me. If a serious matter makes me laugh, i express it by laughing or making a joke of it, it doesn't mean im being evil/mean about it or can't be sympathetic towards whatever the serious matter is.

 

Share your thoughts on this.

[Kinkz]

Can someone read and comment on my thread please, I have to log out soon, im starving!

[Nixee]

In serious matters.... you never feel serious at all? Even matters of emergency or death?

 

Have you experienced this first hand?

 

Can you describe how you would feel if you were experiencing something like this in your own life and someone close to you were laughing/making jokes about it?

[Kinkz]

In serious matters.... you never feel serious at all? Even matters of emergency or death?

 

Have you experienced this first hand?

 

Can you describe how you would feel if you were experiencing something like this in your own life and someone close to you were laughing/making jokes about it?

 

Yeh..I have experienced it first hand on several occasions, I think thats why it has somewhat become a joke to me, I dunno.

 

Well I believe people have the right to behave/express themselves, in any way they choose to do so in, providing its not directlty harming them or the other person. If I was at the funeral of a close one and someone decided to make a joke of the situation or laughed.. I would not think badly of them, they have to a right to feel happy or sad, laugh or cry. However, yes it would be awkward and not appropriate to make jokes in times of sadness so it would make me think 'How odd of you'. But that is all. I wouldn't really feel hurt, or angry at the person.

 

Like I said before.. Im not totally un-sympathtic to whats going on around me, neither am i being mean/evil.

[Nixee]

I guess my interest isn't so much in the appropriateness of jokes at funerals,etc (although I do very much believe in trying to extend empathy, particularly in such times). But rather for this case my interest is in YOUR feelings, or ability to feel and empathize.

 

The fact that your first response is to make light of things I would guess is a coping or defense mechanism. That is to say - it is often easier to joke and laugh than it is to feel hurt, empathy or to cry. I can understand this quite easily, and I'm not really judging you.

 

But .... I can't say that others won't judge you. And I can't say that there won't come a time when you want feel deeper rather than joke. And obviously it IS already affecting you - or else you wouldn't be thinking about it and posting about it here.

 

Have you ever considered talking to a counselor about things you have been through in the past?

 

Just as it is ok to laugh and joke, it should also be ok to cry and feel - and there is also a happy medium between the two for most healthy people.

[Kinkz]

I also agree about extending empathy during hard times, its just the way i go about it, it doesn't meet other people's tastes much, i.e They rather be hugged or have your shoulder to cry on ..than hear a joke or see the lighter side of the situation. My problem is my internal conflict, 'behaving the way i want to' versus 'behaving the way one is expected to behave in such a situation'. It isn't me, it goes against myself, but if push comes to the shove - and to avoid any awkwardness, I guess i would shed a tear or give a hug but inside.. even though i recognise the situation is a sad one and my sympathies are with everyone.. internally i still would be giggling to myself and making my own private jokes.

 

Yes, maybe it is a coping mechanism. And it is a problem, not for myself personally, but for others. I never want to cause anyone any unecessairy hurt...and obviously when i don't take things seriously it does hurt others.

 

Crying, hurting or feeling sad is not something i shy away from, if and when i do feel such emotions, i do let them take their course. I think that differs though from my initial problem, which is, not being able to take things seriously.

[Kinkz]

Its midnight here! I have to go

 

Bye all byeees.

 

xoxo

 

 

[Nixee]

Well then ultimately your problem still comes back to you in a sense though, because it is a problem with others - how YOU are relating to others, an empathy problem.

 

It is easy to say that maybe they just don't 'get' you, or don't get the joke (and perhaps to an extent that is true), but only you can change yourself, and your perceptions.

 

That is why I suggest looking deeper into why you feel the need to joke - why it is you aren't serious. Do you feel things you have experienced are in any way MORE serious/more deserving of serious attention than things that happen to others? And therefore perhaps it is easier to make jokes/make light of their situations? Are you simply trying to lighten the mood to lighten the burden? Understanding yourself can help to understand your relations with others.

 

And I do understand the feeling though. I'm a pretty jokey and even sarcastic person myself, often even in the most dire times. But I've also learned the value of empathy. How *I* relate may not be at all how another relates, and while I don't ever want to be someone I'm not, learning to see through anothers' eyes can teach you a lot.

[Kinkz]

Yeh I think as time goes on... this problem is coming back to me as im beginning to realise.. that my not taking things seriously is having a negative effect on others round me, in all seriousness if I was not empathetic towards them and didn't give any concern to what others around me (my close and loved ones) were feeling because of my not so serious behaviour... then I would have not made this topic. I made it, because im at a point now where I do recognize it is a problem.

 

I agree, only i can change myself and my perceptions - I don't really want to change the way I behave/already am - but I will try for the sakes of my own sanity,to not get so involved into being too concerned if others (as in random everyday people, not close or loved ones) don't and can't see the lighter side of things, just like they can't make me be 'serious', I, can not make them be 'un-serious' about some things in life. As for loved and close ones, all i can do is try harder to be sympathetic and really understand them so that i can behave appropriately when it is expected of me.

 

I feel that everyones situation/feelings/experience is unique to them, I can't and never have compared my own experiences with anyone elses, neither do I think you can measure one burden against anothers. I feel a need to joke, because I see it as a joke, a joke to me is something which is funny and makes me laugh, sometimes lifes irony does make me laugh, so it becomes a joke to me. I don't feel its up to me to lighten anyones burden, unless they ask for help or its obvious they need a helping hand. I do what i do, to lighten my own burden, burden which their situations have put on me.

[Celadon]

I do what i do, to lighten my own burden, burden which their situations have put on me.

I remember one time, a long time ago, when I was on the phone with a friend, and everything she said I kind of chuckled about. I was feeling lightedhearted, but she was telling me about something that was bothering her, I guess. I remember her asking me point blank: "Why are you laughing?"

 

Now that I'm older, I realize that it's kind of pointless to be talking with someone if I'm not going to be empathetic. It's not about "what's expected" or what's "socially appropriate." It's that talking with other people is about meeting them where they are. It's a give and take -- you empathize with me, then I empathize with you. We take turns. It's not two independent people, with one saying, "I'm happy," "Well, I'm sad," "Well, I'm happy," "I'm still sad."

[AZGeo]

I'm curious... how do you respond when others don't take you seriously?