Change

[Tethryn]

Well, if any of you have read my previous posts, this may just sound like a broken record to you. Please don't just tell me to "grow up" or "get a pair", that's just like saying you think I'm a worthless idiot, and that reading this frustrates you and isn't worth your time. "Growing up" isn't something you necessarily do, it's mostly something that just happens. It's easier said than done...

 

I've been looking at my life again, it's not all that great, and I know there are people out there with worse who would find this a paradise. It make me feel guilty to think of it that way sometimes, but this IS the way my life is.

 

I'm 22, I don't have any hobbies, or very mature interests I suppose. I don't think there is anything I am particularly good at, or truly skilled in. I live with my mother, neither of us has a job, and there are always expenses to be paid, if it's not one thing it's another.

 

I'm not all that bad looking, most people would call me handsome. I don't lack a sense of fashion, but I don't really have a particular style, I believe this is mostly because a lack of money has never really allowed me to expand on it.

 

The town I live in has a few small stores, I don't think I could really work at any of them, as I believe they are run by families, and I don't really WANT to work at any of them either. The place and people are... A bit depressing. It doesn't help that I really don't leave my room/house all that often. I don't have anywhere to go.

 

I don't have any friends, nor have I ever been in a relationship. I don't think I am ready for a lover, as I don't have anything to "show off", I'm not interesting, and I have no income. My room is wreck, even if I cleaned it up it looks terrible and depressing. My furniture is handed down, there really isn't any sort of theme, it's all junk, handed down, broken, collected, or it's simply all I have to work with. (I DO intend to, and am going to clean it!)

 

You could ask anyone and they would tell you I am a nice and caring guy. That I want to help and even lead people. There just isn't much to me is all. I don't really have the best luck, and it seems to run in the family. (There are stories about my grandfather on my mothers side getting cursed, we always joke about it, but we also really have to wonder sometimes.)

 

I WOULD like to move out, I WOULD like to have a job or career that I enjoy, I WOULD like to have a Girlfriend to treat to things and have fun with, I WOULD like to live in a better place. But, the world just seems to be against me for the most part right now, I don't want anyone to think I'm not putting any effort in anywhere, because I am. But I'm also trying to figure out what to do. For some things I am waiting on others to pull through for me, because these are not things I can do on my own. But I DO feel like there should be more that I should be doing...

 

I do want to better myself, I am trying to find interests, I want to start working out and exercising, to get out of the house and all that.

 

I will greatly appreciate any advice anyone is willing to give. Thank you!

 

(Please don't suggest the army or something like that. It REALLY isn't for me.)

[savignon]

You seem like the average guy in most respects. It seems, though, that you have a belief system that other people are responsible for your well-being (like when you say you're waiting for them to come through as you "can't do x, y or z by yourself"). There are 2 things I think you can do right away that might help start making you feel better. One is to actively look for a job. Even if your first job is at one of the stores you don't want to work at in the long run...it will get you out of the house, you'll meet new people, you'll generate an income, you'll have a routine....all of those things will work towards building esteem, pride, self-respect, confidence, etc. The second is to start exercising. Even if it's just going for a walk every morning. It will get your blood flowing, endorphins moving...all of the things we need for energy and good health. It might also help your pride and esteem to keep your room in a presentable condition. Even if you don't like the furniture you have now, taking pride in your living space will start to spill over into other areas.

Once you start doing those things (which can be done starting right now), the interests and hobbies will follow. You'll be out, meeting people, earning a living...with that kind of exposure, you're bound to find something you like to do in your free time whether it's taking a class, hanging out with some new friends, going to see a local band.....once you get out there you'll see there's a lot more to do than you think.

Best wishes!!

[Cheetarah]

You need to start out small. You are going to overwhelm yourself swiftly when you start thinking about all the changes you want to create for yourself, and you'll get discouraged. It's all about baby steps.

 

Why are you adverse to working in those stores? With limited employment opportunities to start, combined with the economy as it stands right now - I'm sorry to say that we can't afford to be picky. Working will give you a sense of accomplishment, the start of a purpose - Even if it's not IDEAL. Gives you something to get up in the morning for. I certainly am not where I thought I would be, career-wise. But I am paid well, have job security, and like what I do(sometimes). I have worked what many would consider 'peasant' jobs, too. Crappy, low pay, dirty jobs. But again, it gave me a purpose. And without that job experience, I certainly wouldn't have been able to climb up the ladder.

 

How close are you to a major metropolitan area? How is the public transportation system where you live? Also, what are these things that you are unable to do yourself?

[Tethryn]

It's not that i can't do them, it's that financialy. For instance I am trying to see about becoming a Masseur, if i find that it's something I really am interested in, then I can try to get money to go to school for it. So I am waiting for these people to reply basically.

 

I used to feel that others were responsible for my well being, but right now, even though I want to take care of myself for once, I have to wait, bide my time, and gain what i can so that CAN take care of myself on my own and become more independent.

 

I'm not too close to anything, the nearest "big town" is Meadville, and even there it's not all that great... I did try to find out about public transportation, but It didn't seem like it was going to work out for my situation currently.

 

I AM thinking about getting a job at one of those places (basically it's the only place I know of in town that I might be able to get a job), but almost every time I go in there people seem really depressed. They also seem to have hired on more people, so I'm not sure if there are any openings right now.

 

Thank you for replying!

[savignon]

If you re-read through your paragraphs, your response has "I can't, I can't, I can't" written all over it (not literally). Start thinking about what you CAN do. You CAN apply even if they don't hire you. You CAN go in with a good attitude even if everyone seems "depressed" (I wonder if you're a bit depressed and maybe projecting that onto them...the whole town can't be depressed!). You CAN earn some money and then pay for the schooling to be a massuse.

Your sentences that go "I would.....but..." "I tried...but..." I could... but..." suggest a negative inner voice on your part which often creates a self-fulling prophecy.