Leon91 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 i really need thoughts on this.. it is my only hope i feel i was thinking about texting her mothers mobile and saying: Hi K i havent heard anything since the meeting from anyone im worried about Nevaeh, she was ill last time i saw her.. how is she now? could you also ask T to get in touch and send some photos if she can of Nevaeh asits been a week and im missing her a lot! thanks. her mother may or may not pass on the message, i dont know! but i guess its my only chance of finding anything out at all.. it shows my ex that i am still around and caring about my daughter ( and her ) but it could also go the other way, and boost her ego, the controlling side she has that once she knows im around still will stay just as far away to hurt me more.. i just dont know.. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 If you are the father, you have legal rights to see your daughter and know how she is doing and participate in her life. So if your ex is disappearing with your daughter and not giving you access to her, that is wrong. I'd contact your local social services about filing the paperwork to get visitation with your daughter, and then your ex can't ignore your requests to see her or know what is going on with the child. If you think your ex is disappearing and not caring for your daughter properly, then you need to seek custody of her. Link to comment
Leon91 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 If you are the father, you have legal rights to see your daughter and know how she is doing and participate in her life. So if your ex is disappearing with your daughter and not giving you access to her, that is wrong. I'd contact your local social services about filing the paperwork to get visitation with your daughter, and then your ex can't ignore your requests to see her or know what is going on with the child. If you think your ex is disappearing and not caring for your daughter properly, then you need to seek custody of her. the problem i face is this: me and my ex have a "volitile" relationship we argued a few times and she would always be back and forth..between my house and her parents. eventually the social services became involved and after doing an investigation have come to the conclusion that: me and my ex are not suitable around each other ( we are brilliant! 99% of the time ) so at a meeting to discuss the conclusion of thier investigation they said: although both fit parent, it is simply not safe to be together and they would not be too happy with me and my ex and daughter to live together.. they then went on to say i am not to see my daughter what so ever until THEY set up access if they feel there is reason to. or they will look to take her into care! so i can not actually see my daughter- pathetic! especially seeing as they admit im a perfectly good father!? so i cant go to hers and no one will help me see my daughter because the social have said i cant! so i guess my right to see my daughter is now not valid! just dont know what to do.. do i text her mum? dont i? its all so biased towards her! just simply unfair and wrong! when since day 1.. my daughter has been with me in my house and when my ex would go home with her, she would keep me away.. so now they put her with my ex and tell me to stay away from my daughter!? its hard! Link to comment
Whybother1607308297 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I think sending that message to the mom is okay. It at least shows you're interested. She should appreciate that you're willing to be a father and have the desire to see your child or know what's going on. It may or may not work, but at least you tried. And THEN if you don't hear from them in a bit, maybe it might be time to get a lawyer to help you out with visitation rights. Might be that time anyways... Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Have you spoke to an attorney that handles Family Practice? If you are deemed fit, you have a legal right to visitation. Im baffled how they can deem you fit, yet say you cant pursue your legal right to visitation. Link to comment
Puckdog27 Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I think sending that message to the mom is okay. It at least shows you're interested. She should appreciate that you're willing to be a father and have the desire to see your child or know what's going on. It may or may not work, but at least you tried. And THEN if you don't hear from them in a bit, maybe it might be time to get a lawyer to help you out with visitation rights. Might be that time anyways... I disagree. I would avoid any and all contact with any family member until he consults with an attorney. If you cant afford an attorney, there are pro bono services for family disputes out there. Link to comment
Leon91 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 1. i do have a lawyer - her PA was at the meeting with everybody, i have an appointment with my solicitor on Monday 2nd July 2. This is what i cant understand - as you pointed out, they have admited i am a capable parent with suitable housing! so why didnt they just sort access there and then rather than dragging their heels? ................................................................................................................... i chose NOT to contact anybody... because ill just get hurt. but, everytime my ex has gone home with my daughter and cut contact before: it was always ME who would re-connect with her i would literally have to go to her parents, hope that it was just her at home and try talking to her.. which, 9 times out of 10 worked! but i would need to be so so sure that it was just her at home. and i dont know who would be in on so and so days/times anymore! i cant call the house phone, they check the number first and then call the person back if they want to talk. i know for a fact she wont get back in touch - she has said before a few times that if it wasnt for me going there, she would have slowly dissapeared and moved on as she had no intention of contacting me another reason she uses is: " i was scared. i wanted to, but didnt want to find something out i didnt want to know " its ALWAYS HER cutting the contact never ever ever me.. my phone is always on! im just so so scared she will live up to her word and WONT ever get in touch... this is destroying me. being left in the dark as to how her and my daughter are nobody has even ended this relationship,before the meeting we were together, and nobody said... its over.... its messed up on every level! Link to comment
Leon91 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Share Posted June 25, 2010 I Just saw on my exs mothers facebook "out the back feeding my grandaughter" now im worrying- my heart is racing and i know im about to cry my eyes out does this mean my ex is out with a guy as none of her friends have heard from her! i bloody hope she isnt i couldnt deal with it.. no way! there is a lump in my throat and im so scared.. i would do anything to be able to talk to my ex.. im so scared... i know its her life and that, but i couldnt ever deal with the fact that someone else could be there.. help me Link to comment
Leon91 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 Finding it so hard to get out of bed. i just dont want to! its now been 8 days of NC.. no possible contact.. still no phone/facebook/anything i feel just as bad as day 1-7 .. im starting to think she might not be coming back now i cant let her go.. how can she not wanna get in touch, with anybody i wish i COULD get hold of her, i know that if her phone was on.. if i knew i could text her. that this would be alot lot easier for me. but not knowing anything at all besides that shes at home - is killing me. i couldn't isolate myself like that for 8 days - how is she not missing me, our family and life?? i just dont get it - why should she be allowed to have 100% controll over my life and my daughters life too! shes been home before, longer than this but we stayed in contact! im nowhere near ready to start seeing new people! i just hope shes not ready or doing it either - i hope she still wants me like she said to the social services 8 days ago! i know for a FACT that unless i go to her house, she will not get back in contact that is what it has taken everytime before! but its never taken me THIS long to do that.. i have just done it and hoped! but now that i have been told not see my daughter im scared to go there.. i would need to know it was just her at home.. i know her mother works all day monday so if her dad is working that day, that is my best chance of getting to talk to her. should i just do it if it is her just in? because otherwise im gonna be waiting a ery very long time before anything gets sorted! dont know what to do! im missing her so much and missing my daughter! how can she just block me from my daughters life 100% Link to comment
Casperlady Posted June 26, 2010 Share Posted June 26, 2010 Hun this is a horrible situation for you. I personally cannot stand social welfare people well in this country anyway they are so bad at protecting what they should. I would agree with others though that you should wait and talk to your solicitor, I know its hard to fight the urge to contact and I cannot even imagine what you are going through when it comes to your daughter. I think it is so unfair, their are many many guys who dont want anything to do with their kids and here you are trying to see yours, your ex really doesnt seem to get how lucky she is. But anyway talk to your solicitor, ask them if it is safe for you to contact the mother, also see about getting this pushed through court, because the socials are failing on your part and that of your daughter, its her right to have her dad part of her life. And try and keep your chin up I know its hard, but you need to fight for your rights as a father. Maybe even contacting fathers rights group they maybe be able to give you advise and support http://www.fathers-rights.co.uk and their seem to be a number of groups in the UK that maybe able to help Link to comment
Leon91 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Share Posted June 26, 2010 it is extremly hard to deal with i have no friends around this town no family nobody even she is 30+ miles away back in my hometown. i have my solicitors monday and was going to see what she says and what i can do about this all. we have the next meeting with the social and everybody involved on Friday she probably doesn't care how lucky she is.. shes never cared about much! we have a court date set for the 12th July it is actually for full custody.. i just dont know how many months that will take, probably a few! just hope either by court or in court, that something is set up so i can see my daughter! she has never ONCE ever left me alone with my daughter, not for an hour! so she has no idea how its like to be away for weeks at a time! i wish she would get in contact! its not like her to avoid everybody.. i dont know what shes thinkin/doing i hope shes missing me though - but if she was she would have contacted me! its so wrong! i just want this to get sorted.. now! Link to comment
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