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basically, for the last 8 months I've been seeing this girl (we're both 19). its not really a 'relationship' but when we go out we always hold hands, hug and kiss each other. the problem is, ever since I met her, she has been extremely indecisive and will randomly just tell me its not working and we should stop seeing each other then cut off all contact with me. then, about a week later she will get back in touch saying how much she misses me and wants me back. however, I have started to notice a pattern forming. it seems that every time we start to get close and it looks as if we might actually get into a proper relationship, this is the time that she backs out. its not like I'm even pressuring her into it, we never talk about getting into a relationship its just that sometimes when we're out there is a really strong connection between us and it feels as if we should take the next step. this is when she breaks it off.


now it gets even more complicated. last week, one week after one of the nights when we were really close, we go out again and she is unbelievably distant from me. she wouldn't even stand anywhere near me which is really strange considering the week before we spent all night holding each other and kissing (probably the closest we have ever been). its not like we even fell out during the week (we don't see each other any time other than our nights out cos I live in a different city), we were texting each other loads and she was always saying how much she missed me. anyway, after about an hour of not really saying much, she tells me that we should stop seeing each other cos it just doesn't feel 'right'. she also says that even though we always get back together, this time there is no chance of it at all (something she has never said before) cos we're both just gonna keep getting hurt. before telling me this, she told me that she used to be on anti-depressants and that her ex boyfriend had hurt her both emotionally and physically, which could explain why she is scared to re-enter a relationship. but, she also tells me that she feels really lonely and needs someone to be there for her.


i'm so confused, I really need to let her know that I would NEVER hurt her and I just wanna be there for her and make her happy but she just can't seem to trust me. there is definitely something there between us but she keeps convincing herself that there isn't, she even told me that when we're getting close its cos she is really trying to make it work but it just isn't real which is definitely not true cos I can see that she is genuinely happy when we get close. she keeps telling me to move on and I can do a lot better than her. I don't want to move on though cos I really like her, dare I even say love her but she just doesn't see this. how can I make her trust me and let me be there for her? is there anything I can say or do to make this better? this time she hasn't cut off contact with me so I don't know what she wants


thanks for reading this, i hope you can help cos i'm really confused

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She was in an abusive relationship. The damage she has, you are not able to fix. The damage she has is nothing to do with you.


This girl is right now, too damaged to be in a healthy, trusting relationship. She needs to work on herself. She uses you as a snuggie, but is incapable of actually having a proper connection with you.


I second DN.

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