Starting to feel smothered.

[mattsi07]

This is more of a rant than anything. For those of you that feel the same way, feel free to respond.

 

My girlfriend is all around me. The only place we are apart is when we are at work. She's home before I get home in the evening and she leaves after I leave for work in the morning. I used to have an hour or so in the morning after she left for myself, but now she got a new job and works almost the same hours as me. We live in a 800sq ft apartment and are mostly in the living room.

 

If I retreat to the bedroom with my laptop she asks what is wrong and gets upset. Anytime I try and relax she is always running around and cleaning, folding clothes, vacuuming, etc. and it makes me uneasy with all her moving around and I can't relax. Or she will text or talk to her friends on the phone real loud and I have to turn down the TV/laptop or put earphones in. She nags me about cleaning up, eating the right foods, doing laundry, washing the dishes, all this stuff I do, but at a slower pace. It's like I am living with my mother again.

 

I love my girlfriend, but I'm starting to get smothered. If I tell her I need some space she will get pissed off and we'll get in an argument. If I want to go out on my own she will get upset and then start getting pouty and not want to hang out or talk at all until I usually "apologize".

 

We live in such a small space that I can never have time to myself. I relish the times she goes out with friends (rarely) or works late (rarely). Some of her friends are shady or live far away so she doesn't hang out with them much. Sometimes she asks me to meet her somewhere with her friends and I'm like no I have to work late when really I just want to go home and relax and unwind before she gets home.

 

On weekends sometimes I just want to sleep in late or do nothing ALL DAY. My job is stressful and I do like to go out for drinks, movies, hiking, etc. But sometimes I just want to RELAX. But she cannot sit still for very long. She wants to go grocery shopping, clean the whole freaking apartment, do all the laundry, go out every weekend to the bars. If I say I want to stay in then she stays with me and wants to play games, or asks for me to keep her busy. All I want to do is watch TV and sit my butt on the couch or sleep once in a while.

 

Wow, that feels better. Any thoughts?

[waveseer]

You need to find a fishing buddy and go out with him on a boat for a few hours on the weekend.

[stay_positive]

I smothered my ex and it got me where I am today. You need to tell her. If it get's in an argument then O well. My ex didn't tell me and he just broke up with me instead. I wish he would've told me so I would've gone out more and given him his space. We had a very small apartment and it did get quite cramped. You need to confront her. Good luck!

[Diablo7000]

My stories similar but we don't live together. I'm a touring musician for a country artist and gone Wednesday through Sunday morning. I like her but she's afraid of committment so she broke up after two months and says let's just date.. But she always asks what I'm doing, gets pissed if I go hang out with a girl friend of mine, if I dnt pay attention when I let her use my phone she goes through every txt and email. Nit to mention she thinks it's ok to spend the night at a guy friends house that throws a party, of course other girls r there to but it's sorta sketchy for me but idc but yet I can't go see a girl friend one on one? She freaked cas I took sumone to hang out and window shop at the mall, and sadly enough (even tho we aren't together) I've been messing around with another girl and that's bad to say but she hates when I'll go to a friends and play call of duty after I just spent 5 hours with her! Cmon! She's just getting to clingy and it's really starting to make me uncomfortable and just break up with her...

[Fudgie]

I do agree with the others, you need to tell her. Tell her in person and write her a letter too so she can read it on her own and think.

 

You guys may live together and be couple, but you do need your own space.

[FathomFear]

I love my girlfriend, but I'm starting to get smothered. If I tell her I need some space she will get pissed off and we'll get in an argument. If I want to go out on my own she will get upset and then start getting pouty and not want to hang out or talk at all until I usually "apologize".

 

I see this is a major problem. She needs to be reminded, politely but firmly, that she's an adult--not a pouty little mommy's princess who gets mad when the whole world isn't revolving around her.

 

Ultimately, she needs to hear that you 1) love her, but 2) also need healthy space. It will only make your time together more worthwhile.

[geekgirl4]

Living together brings these sort of problems up, I think. You should talk to her. First, reassure you that you love her very much, BUT you think its also healthy to have space at times and be your own person. She seems like the attached to the hip sort of girl, did you know this before moving in? You're a more independent person. It's not like both can't work out, you just have to get her to understand. For her, I would stress very deeply that you do love her.

[mattsi07]

Well I told her about wanting a little healthy space and some privacy and she freaks out calling me out on all the mistakes I made, how I keep everything private and says she can do the same thing and not want to talk anymore. All I have to say is WOW.

[hexaemeron]

Well I told her about wanting a little healthy space and some privacy and she freaks out calling me out on all the mistakes I made, how I keep everything private and says she can do the same thing and not want to talk anymore. All I have to say is WOW.

 

Flush her. Next.

[Notreadyet87]

Well I told her about wanting a little healthy space and some privacy and she freaks out calling me out on all the mistakes I made, how I keep everything private and says she can do the same thing and not want to talk anymore. All I have to say is WOW.

Sorry... i wouldn't be able to deal with a relationship like that. She seems way too clingy, not understanding and immature. If she can't deal with the fact that you need your space every once in a while and ACTUALLY has the nerve to get upset then I don't know how you'll survive the relationship. This is a large incompatibility that will not go away overtime--and in many ways could get worse.

It's time for you to have a real heart to heart with her. Let her know that it's gotten to the point that you don't know what to do anymore. That it isn't that you don't want to spend time with her, but you need "me time" and you think it's healthy and VERY much needed. Tell her that if her behavior continues then you could very well see the relationship ending because this is NOT something that you are willing to deal with.

 

Once she hears that, either she'll get the point or she won't.

 

And if she doesn't tell her to exit.