Flirting???

[carolyn4863]

My boyfriend went on a works night out last sunday. We have been together for 4 years and have one child together and i have one from a previous relationship. My mum had the kids for me that night and where he was going would cost him about £20 to get home in a taxi and we're a bit stuck for money at the moment. I told him to give me a ring and i'd come and pick him up when he was ready (2:30am but i didn't mind, it saved us money and he hardly ever goes out). He came home and everything is fine until Thursday. A video appears of him on facebook. He's not shy and has been prone to get his bum out a bit. In this video however, he is dancing and a woman (his colleagues wife) walks up behind him and lifts the back of his shirt and points to his bum. He smiles at her, just a polite sort of smile i think. Then she comes over towards the person taking the video (her husband) and then goes back and does it again but has a quick tug on his jeans. He reacts by lifting the back of his shirt (still dancing) and starts shaking his bum towards her before pulling down the back of his jeans and sort of girating his bum in her direction, then a bit after that he pulls up his jeans and goes and dances over at the other side. I am not in the slightest bit impressed. Am i overreacting? I've been really stressed out with one thing and another just recently and i dont know what to think.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Sounds like everyone, including this woman's husband, may have had way too much to drink. I wouldn't be impressed either. What does your boyfriend say about it?

[RedDress]

He's not shy and has been prone to get his bum out a bit.

 

LOL! Sorry... but that's really, really funny. I have a few friends who are "prone to get their bum out a bit".

 

Sounds like it's just his personality, no? Sounds like par for the course.

 

Since it was his co-workers wife, the co-worker was filming and he proceeded to go to the other end of the dance floor after the bum-shake, it just sounds like they were egging him on.

 

I wouldn't react to it. It just sounds like the type of guy you are dating.

[HeartGoesOn]

I agree with the fact that he had too much to drink, and I don't think he was trying to hide anything from you, although I can see why you'd be upset.

 

Also, it was in poor taste to have this posted on Facebook.

[carolyn4863]

It was one of his works colleague's leaving do. This was the first time this woman has met my boyfriend. He's explained that.

 

He has gotten his bum out when he's been with a group of lads all acting stupid, although not that i know of with his work mates because he never goes out with them. It was me that pushed him to go out because i'd recently had a night out with my friends and he never goes out.

 

Normally the bum incidents (lol) are when we are round at our neighbours (our neighbour is a 4yr old in a man's body as well). The bum thing doesn't normally happen around town.

 

The thing that got to me about this was that this woman that he barely knows is pulling at his clothes (why she thought this was acceptable with a man she only met a few hours before i have yet to find out) and rather than him telling her to back off or even just move away, he was egging her on. That is my whole problem in this. Why she acted like this, whether he did anything to make her think this was acceptable behaviour (not that i'm actually accusing him of anything, that's just a thought that's flying around in my head - although probably a stupid one) and why his reaction was to practically give her a lapdance.

 

I more mad at her and maybe i'm just venting my frustration at him because i cant have a go at her. I dont actually know her.

[HeartGoesOn]

Since this upsets you, I think you need to direct your anger at your boyfriend, instead of the girl. If he felt that she was acting in an inappropriate way towards him, it was his place to put a stop to it.

[carolyn4863]

Thank you. I just needed to know if i was totally in the wrong. He was looking at me like i'd come from another planet when i was telling him how i felt before. Fair enough, he's not cheated but in my opinion what he did was inappropriate. But to him, since he hasn't actually cheated, he hasn't done anything wrong.

[DN]

I think they were all having fun after a few drinks and that you are totally over-reacting. Did he post this on Facebook?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

If this guy has a habit of doing this then it is just more of the same, different party. Rather than be concerned about this woman making an inappropriate move on your bf, or your bf going down any slippery slope of cheating (which I really don't think is the case), I think I would be more concerned about the fact that your bf doesn't seem to have any sense of what is appropriate behaviour. This kind of behaviour seems to be a standard when he is out with friends and now he has extended it to work functions. Not a very smart move. The woman's behaviour should be a concern for her husband (but clearly he was encouraging it) not for you. Your bf's inappropriate actions are more at issue here.

[carolyn4863]

This is a bit different in that this was something that happened in town. He wouldn't normally do something so inappropriate in town. It was his mate's leaving do, there were no bosses out with them or anything like that.

 

He doesn't have any sense of appropriate behaviour. When i've raised this as an issue he tells me that he's not cheated so there's not a problem.

 

I started the thread because of his inappropriate actions. I dont know the woman and i never want to meet her. I just wanted other peoples advice on whether they thought this was inappropriate as well. I dont know how far to take this issue with him because he hasn't actually cheated. We've just gotten over his last inappropriate behaviour.

 

And yes, facebook and wherever else they've decided to stick it. I've deactivated my facebook account to make sure i dont see it anymore.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You have already expressed your displeasure at his behaviour and he sees nothing wrong with it. There is not much else you can do. No, it is not cheating...the bum waving incident was not meant as a sexual gesture to this woman, nor was this woman's gesture of pulling down his pants. It was simply childish pranks, kind of like the type of behaviour one would see at college frat houses.