i dont know how to let go of my ex, or if i should, i cant seem to find the strength

[odd_one]

 

My ex and I broke up last year in November. we broke up basically because hunting and fishing is his life and i wasnt. and since then weve been on and off having sex just to have sex... and he tells me he loves me and misses me and still cares, but i started dating somone and he found out, and once he found out he wanted me back. he seems to only want me back when im with sumone else. im not with that guy nemore. but i found out my ex only wants me back cuz hes lonely at his apartment by himself..... he likes to play this game with me.. he doesnt talk to me for a month. we got into it 2 weeks ago, i said im gonna keep fighting with him, til he gives me cloessure, so he told me he never wanted to see me again and i walked out and left.

 

i love him to death, and it kills me inside to not be talking to him, i want to talk to him, but shouldnt i also let him go, he obvioulsy doesnt care, he blocked me on msn, and wont talk to me thru text or call me, or send me an email or facebook message... so i feel like i should just not talk either if hes not putting any effort towards me. i personally want to talk to him cuz i miss him a lot, i have urges to just give in and talk first........ idk if i should just wait ... i feel like a person shouldnt have to wait a month to talk to sumone. love isnt a game or competetion, but thats what he makes it. and it kills me cuz he said hes never do this to me again.

idk what to do, i love him....... (hes also the guy i gave my virginity to, can sumone tell me if thats a main factor why i cant get over him, we were together for a year)

 

 

PLEASE NO RUDE ANSWERS, I JUST NEED SUM GUIDANCE, CUZ IM FEELING ON THE SUICIDAL SIDE... i miss him so so so so so so so so so so so so so much.

 

 

He told me, just cuz we got along for a year, doesnt mean it would last for forever. And he said our personalities dont match but they use to. I bend over backwards for him, but he does nothing for me, all he says is that hes not perfect and i expect too much from him....

[Sunny1607307996]

Welcome to ENA!

 

It's always hard to get over your first love, the first person you thought was special enough to give your virginity to, the first person who you really cared about and saw a future with.

 

But sweetie, look back over the bolded words in your post. Those are you words, not mine. You already know he doesn't care about you. You know that he doesn't want you in his life, and he's being manipulative and selfish by giving you false hope whenever he's "lonely".

 

You deserve so much better than to go chasing after an immature guy who obviously doesn't care about your feelings. He was very clear when he said it was over, that you were in compatible, and that he didn't see a future with you.

 

Here on ENA we recommend No Contact. It means that you don't answer his phone calls or text messages (go ahead and delete his number!) and you don't contact him on IM or facebook (go ahead and delete him from there too. You're never going to heal unless you let him go. And if he comes chasing after you again because he's "lonely" don't let him. Don't contact him. Realize that when he's "lonely" and he calls you it's not because he misses YOU...but because he's bored, or horny and you are familiar and receptive.

 

You need to get him out of your life, and focus on you again. Just you. Give yourself time to really get over him before you jump into to dating pool again and when you do, jump in with both feet!

 

I'm sorry this happened to you. Like I said it's especially rough to get over a breakup with your first love. But this guy is toxic and will only make you miserable. He's not worth it, and you deserve to be treated so much better than this jerk is treating you.

[odd_one]

i apprecaite u writing back. idk, life without him just sucks, not seeing him or not talking to him kills me, and makes me cry and want to kill myself. so the way i see it, as long as were talking im atleast happy.

[Sunny1607307996]

But look at how miserable he makes you. He makes you feel worthless when you are together and he makes you want to kill yourself when your are apart.

 

That is not love.

 

Repeat after me: That is not love!

 

You deserve so much better, you really do. And it's tough to see it now but things will get better and you will move on. You'll be happier without him.

 

Additionally, you can't be in a truly happy, healthy relationship if you are depressed and suicidal. You need to get some real help for yourself. Call a suicide hot line, get yourself in to therapy, focus on you right now. I've been there and I know from experience you will never be truly happy unless you learn how to stand on your own two feet and make yourself happy. You don't need him to make you happy. You need you to make your life worthwhile.

 

He's only dragging you down and playing games with you. As hard as it is you need to stop contacting him and move on with your life.

[odd_one]

I dont know how to do it myself. my parents dont support me, i dont have any friends. my ex is my only friend. he knows everything about me. idk where there is therapy for me where i live, and i only make 8.00 an hour so i cant really afford it. (in case u were wondering im 20, and hes 20) hes the only person i got.. but when i saw him yesterday i was happy but when we werent talking i was sad and depressed, i honestly dont know how to do it, i really dont. hes the type of person where he doesnt like when people are mad at him or hate him.. i was his first real girlfriend basically. he said hes confused and doesnt know where he is going in life and he doesnt wanna get me involved or something.

[Sunny1607307996]

Do you go to school? Many campuses have free health services. Heck even if you aren't in school call them anyway and ask if they know of any free mental health services in the area.

 

Many therapists work for scale. Just google some therapists and call them, and ask how much they would charge you. Even if they charge too much they should be able to point you in the right direction of where to get some free or nearly free therapy.

 

I'm sorry that your parent's aren't very supportive. It's a lot harder to crawl out of depression without the support of your parents, but it can be done.

 

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This website has a number to call if you're suicidal so you can talk to someone. It's not as good as talking to a professional but it's something. And even if you're not feeling suicidal right now it would be helpful to talk to someone and they may be able to point you in the right direction of some free therapy.

 

Do you have any friends at work? A job is a great place to meet new people.

 

Do you volunteer anywhere? Volunteering is a great way to meet new friends, and it builds up your self-esteem because it always feels good to help others. If you like animals, for instance, you can volunteer at an animal shelter. Petting dogs and cats is a known de-stressor. Plus you'll be able to talk to the other volunteers because you already have something in common with them. If you don't like animals then pick something else you're interested in and start volunteering.

 

You can also always join a club, a bowling league, become active in your church, become a "Big sister" in the Big Sib program.........there are literally hundreds of ways to meet new people.

 

You just need to talk to a professional and focus on you for a while. Forget about your ex, he sounds like bad news anyway.

[odd_one]

no im not in school. my parents dont want me to go to school, they dont want me to be in debt/ i do talk to sum ppls at work, wouldnt call them friends

[Sunny1607307996]

Well, you don't need your parent's permission anyway to go to school. There are plenty of scholarships available, as well as financial aid, and you can always apply for loans.

 

There are a lot of 2-year degrees as well, which is not as much debt. For example you can go to school for 2 years and train to be a vet tech.

 

Sorry for all the animal advice but they are my passion so I know mostly about careers with animals.

 

Did you look into volunteering anywhere? Did you ask around for free mental help?

[odd_one]

my parents wouldnt sign my financial aid papers, they want nothing to do with me in school.

i do volunteer at the humane society.

and i have no idea where to begin looking for the help i need. for cousneling or therapy

[Sunny1607307996]

Call up the local community college/university. Ask to get a meeting with a financial adviser. Once you're there try to find out about FASFA, how much financial aide you can receive from the government, any scholarships you qualify for, and how you can get a loan without your parent's signature.

 

I gave you lots of suggestions on how to find counseling. Call therapists and ask if they'll work for scale. Call hopeline and see what free services are available in your area. Call the university and see what they suggest.

 

I can only help you if you're willing to pick up the phone and try to find some help for yourself. There's only so much I can advise you to do over the internet, but at some point you need to find the motivation to start helping yourself.