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Deleting ex's best friend today from FB...need advice on how to do it respectfully


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I deleted my ex and blocked her yesterday from FB. I did not notify her in any way and am fine with it. Her best friend became friends with me through her. I do not hang out with her or talk unless the ex is around so I doubt I will ever speak to her again.

 

She does comment from time to time on my status but that is about it. She is a nice person and I don't want to just delete her without telling her. I was thinking of sending her this short email. What are your thoughts? Should I just delete her or tell her? I can not keep her on FB because I will be tempted to look at the comments my ex puts on her page.

 

I know she will share whatever I write with my ex and want to be careful not to send the wrong message.

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. It is just what I need to do to continue my healing process. Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

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Scott,

 

I believe there is no harm in being civil, I think it is a very dignified email. i don't think just deleting people from facebook for no reason is the way forward, but that's just me! I try not to be bitter about these things, and from your story, this girl has done nothing to harm you.

 

If you need to delete her to assist your healing process, I think your email is a very respectful way to do it.

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Yea, I would think that would be the best, like you said whatever you write she will relay to your ex...So theres really no point in an explanation its quite obvious ya know....??

 

I hear ya but I am just not the kinda of peson that hurts people intentionally. I assume she will know why I did it but maybe she won't. She is just a pawn in all of this between my ex and me. She has always been nice to me and respectful. I just want to return the same courtesy.

 

If it is not necessary then I will just delete her without saying anything. I just don't want her to think I don't like her and am mad at her.

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Hi

 

If I were you I would tell her because she obviously cares about you. I mean she is your ex's best friend and yet even though you and your ex have split up she is not siding (for want of a better word) with your ex, she is not ignoring you and sees you as a real friend.

 

Are you worried that if you send the email she might tell your ex what you wrote? Well if you just delete her she will still tell your ex - it would probably still be obvious to your ex that you deleted her because she is a reminder of your ex. I personally think you would look weaker if you just deleted her without saying anything.

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Scott,

 

I believe there is no harm in being civil, I think it is a very dignified email. i don't think just deleting people from facebook for no reason is the way forward, but that's just me! I try not to be bitter about these things, and from your story, this girl has done nothing to harm you.

 

If you need to delete her to assist your healing process, I think your email is a very respectful way to do it.

 

Stu,

 

I want to send it but I don't know about the part that says I am doing it so that I can continue my healing process. I don't want the ex to then think I am still hurting and that is why I deleted her as well. Maybe she already knows that is why and it does not matter. I do not want to look weak and pathetic.

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Hi

 

If I were you I would tell her because she obviously cares about you. I mean she is your ex's best friend and yet even though you and your ex have split up she is not siding (for want of a better word) with your ex, she is not ignoring you and sees you as a real friend.

 

Are you worried that if you send the email she might tell your ex what you wrote? Well if you just delete her she will still tell your ex - it would probably still be obvious to your ex that you deleted her because she is a reminder of your ex. I personally think you would look weaker if you just deleted her without saying anything.

 

Is what I wrote OK? Or is it sharing too much of why and giving my ex one last ego boost? If so, I need to change what I am saying. Any ideas how to say it better if need be?

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I hear ya but I am just not the kinda of peson that hurts people intentionally. I assume she will know why I did it but maybe she won't. She is just a pawn in all of this between my ex and me. She has always been nice to me and respectful. I just want to return the same courtesy.

 

If it is not necessary then I will just delete her without saying anything. I just don't want her to think I don't like her and am mad at her.

 

I just think your making FB out to be more then it actually is.....But I see what your saying...A simple sorry will do....Just dont make it out to be more then it is...Its just a social Network!!!

 

So a message like "Sorry, I know you understand"...I'd leave it at that if I were you.

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Does this sound better?

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. "Sorry, I know you understand"...Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

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Does this sound better?

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. "Sorry, I know you understand"...Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

 

If thats what you thinks right then go for it...You know your situation the best....When you write that much and put that much thought into it...it looks kinda desperate in a way...like your expecting a response.

 

In my mind its not like your deleting them forever, there always a click away....

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Is what I wrote OK? Or is it sharing too much of why and giving my ex one last ego boost? If so, I need to change what I am saying. Any ideas how to say it better if need be?

 

I think what you wrote originally is fine, spot on. You don't betray any weakness in my opinion and the last sentence about wishing her the best for her future shows that you genuinelly care for her as a person.

 

As for giving your ex an ego boost I personally think your ex would get more of an ego boost if you just deleted this friend without saying anything. Your ex would guess quite easily why you did it. Also your friend could well be more upset if you just deleted her without any explanation and then would possibly go to your ex and complain about you to her. Then that would give your ex even more of an ego boost and a reason to disparage you.

 

I think sending the message is the mature thing to do. From your post I can see you don't want to hurt this friend. To be honest if it gives your ex an ego boost so what! Stay true to yourself. You are the bigger person and I think you would come accross as such if you send this email before you delete the friend.

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I don't mean to beat a dead horse here but I only get one chance to do this right and it means a lot to me to do it right. Which one sounds better?

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. It is just what I need to do to continue my healing process. Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

 

or

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. "Sorry, I know you understand why"...Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

 

or

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. "Sorry, I know you understand why"...Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

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This one

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. It is just what I need to do to continue my healing process. Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

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Well you seem concerned that the first message would make you appear weak, which might get back to your ex. In that case I would go with the second, and if she doesnt understand why, well then thats really none of your concern (although im sure she does). So I guess I would go with the second.

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When your ex or her friend looks back on there past and thinks of you...There not gonna be like "He was a jerk he totally just deleted us off of FB for no reason!" There gonna think of the good times and who you were when you were with your ex....And from what it seems you were a really good guy....Theres no reason to take this as serious as you are.

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What concerns does he have if he just deleted her??

 

Well for a start it would be very obvious to the ex why he just deleted her - hence massive ego boost for her, which Scott doesn't want. Secondly, the friend who has been deleted without any explanation may be upset. Especially since she has continued to be friendly to Scott even after he has broken up with her best friend. If she is upset about this she will probably go to her best friend and tell her. This would mean even more of an ego boost for the ex and also a chance for the ex to disparage him or belittle him.

 

Only Scott knows the friend and is able to predict her behaviour. In my opinion if I was friends with a friend's ex and I continued to post comments on friend's ex wall and then he suddenly deleted me without any explanation. I would be a bit upset. If I received an email explaining why then I would fully understand.

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I did delete my ex yesterday without any explanation so I hope that did not give her an ego boost. It just was something I had to do for me. I have been NC for 7 weeks with her and do not want to be tempted to look at her updates.

 

As for the friend I just am not sure about the line stating I am doing it to continue my healing process. It is true but does it give the ex anther ego boost? If it might then I should go with number 2 or 3. Agreed?

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I did delete my ex yesterday without any explanation so I hope that did not give her an ego boost. It just was something I had to do for me. I have been NC for 7 weeks with her and do not want to be tempted to look at her updates.

 

As for the friend I just am not sure about the line stating I am doing it to continue my healing process. It is true but does it give the ex anther ego boost? If it might then I should go with number 2 or 3. Agreed?

 

I would go with number 2, or just end your message at the part where you say its not personal... she should understand.

 

As for the ego boost part, your ex is your ex, it really doesnt and shouldnt matter how it makes her feel, its about how it makes you feel. Also, to be honest I think you should just pick one and go through with it, you will feel a lot better if you just get it over with.

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