Deleting ex's best friend today from FB...need advice on how to do it respectfully

[Live-N-Learn]

i sent a similar to my ex's mum! i felt i had to, you know them better than anyone so its your call.

 

all depends however if you are expecting a reaction from her and to give you info on ex?

 

I am looking for nothing in return. I do not expect a response nor do I want one. I do not care what the ex is doing and do not want to hear anything about her. I just want to be respectful to her friend who has been good to me throughout this breakup.

[Cheeks18]

And it wouldnt be more obvious with a longer then needed explanation??

 

I highly doubt the friend would go to scott's ex upset about him deleting her off his FB...Thats kinda childish...dont ya think?? And theres no way thats an ego boost for the ex.....I would second guess my friend if he/she was upset my ex deleted them off FB...Kinda weird..

[katyg79]

then your a good person, do it. her friend has caused you no harm, thats my opinion anyway - just how i felt about my ex mum

[Live-N-Learn]

Ok I will go with this one.

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. Take care...

[Etoile]

How about replacing healing process with: It is just what I need to do to as part of moving on from my relationship with ***

 

or just: It is just what I need to do as part of moving on.

 

Otherwise I prefer no.2 see below

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. "Sorry, I know you understand"...Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

 

You could change the "Sorry, I know you understand" to "Sorry, I know you will understand" or "Sorry, I hope you will understand".

 

Sorry I don't mean to bombard you with options but this is obviously very important to you. Only you can make the final call.

[katyg79]

fair and to the point!

[Live-N-Learn]

Ok, now I am undecided again. Sorry for beating this up so much but yes it is important to me. Which of these sound best?

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. It is just what I need to do to as part of moving on from my relationship with *** Take care...

 

or

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. "Sorry, I'm sure you understand why"...Take care and I wish you the best in your life.

 

or

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Please do not take this personally, it is not about you. Take care...

[Cheeks18]

3..........

[Mustachio]

3 and do it before you second guess yourself again. You will feel better.

[Etoile]

1 or 3 but if you choose 3 I think you should add "I wish you the best in life". I think that shows more that it is not personal against her.

 

In the end we are all going to give you different opinions but you should choose your answer based on your gut instinct. I definitely think you are doing the right thing by sending her an email.

[uncomfynumb]

Quite frankly, I would do it without an explanation. If were in her shoes, I would totally understand and it would not need to be mentioned.

 

If she happens to contact you, then you can explain why. I know you are a nice person, sending the message or not doesn't change that.

 

But if must, do this one.

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Take care...

 

(I edited it)

[Cheeks18]

Quite frankly, I would do it without an explanation. If were in her shoes, I would totally understand and it would not need to be mentioned.

 

If she happens to contact you, then you can explain why. I know you are a nice person, sending the message or not doesn't change that.

 

But if must, do this one.

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Take care...

 

(I edited it)

 

Been trying to say that the WHOLE TIME!!! LOL....

[somberchic]

I think you're making this a bigger deal than it really is. Just delete her and don't explain anything. If you send her an email with an explanation, she will actually be more hurt than if you simply deleted her. Some people off of facebook and I have done the same too...and nobody really notices anything...we have too many "friends" to notice one missing.

[uncomfynumb]

To further add, anything more than that sounds driven by emotion and over dramatic and I am a woman!

 

Just delete the lady and quit overthinking it. She may not even notice for months that she is.

[Live-N-Learn]

Quite frankly, I would do it without an explanation. If were in her shoes, I would totally understand and it would not need to be mentioned.

 

If she happens to contact you, then you can explain why. I know you are a nice person, sending the message or not doesn't change that.

 

But if must, do this one.

 

Hey .... I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Take care...

 

(I edited it)

 

uncomfynumb,

 

You know I really regard your input. Can you please help me to understand the logic behind this statment verses the ones I had? I really want to learn from these experiences and would appreciate if you could elaborate.

[annie24]

What I've done is just remove that person from my facebook feeds. So I don't defriend them, but i don't see what they are up to either.

[Live-N-Learn]

Yeah, the more I think about it the more I am starting to think that sending something might send the wrong message. I think I am just going to delete her and say nothing. If she reaches out to me I will explain.

 

She's a big girl, she will get it. I don't want to look in like I am reaching out to her to somehow reach the ex. I have fought too hard in my NC to send a message that will beat in my brain for the next 48 hours.

 

Better to do nothing, I can't screw that up! lol

[Live-N-Learn]

What I've done is just remove that person from my facebook feeds. So I don't defriend them, but i don't see what they are up to either.

 

You can still go to there page and that is what I do not want. I do not have the strength to stay away from her page and see the ex's comments. No Thanks!

[Live-N-Learn]

Ok, closer. I deleted her without sending an email. In my heart I know this was the right thing to do... Thanks for all the advise, it helped me process it.

[Cheeks18]

Way to go Scott!!! Just keep on moving on now!!

[lady_deer]

I hear ya but I am just not the kinda of peson that hurts people intentionally. I assume she will know why I did it but maybe she won't. She is just a pawn in all of this between my ex and me. She has always been nice to me and respectful. I just want to return the same courtesy.

 

If it is not necessary then I will just delete her without saying anything. I just don't want her to think I don't like her and am mad at her.

 

 

I say there is nothing wrong with being civil and sending her the email. What transpired between you and your ex should bear no influence on how you interact with her best friend. While it is true that she would be able to figure out the reasons and you are not obligated to be nice to her. I think if I was in her shoes I would still appreciate you taking the time to be considerate and polite.

[Cadence44]

I say there is nothing wrong with being civil and sending her the email. What transpired between you and your ex should bear no influence on how you interact with her best friend. While it is true that she would be able to figure out the reasons and you are not obligated to be nice to her. I think if I was in her shoes I would still appreciate you taking the time to be considerate and polite.

 

I concur. This woman still went out of her way to be nice to you (commenting on your page) and keep in touch. I think you were absolutely right to just delete the ex without explanation, but a short little note to the friend would be a nice gesture.

 

You can still message her if you haven't blocked her. Keep it classy, short and nondramatic (since you don't want to give the impression that Facebook is the center of your universe) -

 

"Hey ____, I don't know if you noticed yet, but I deleted you. It's not personal, just something I had to do I wish you the best"

 

That way you're not rude to the friend and there's nothing there to boost your exes ego. Plus it shows that you're not taking this too seriously.

[Live-N-Learn]

Ok, so I sent her a message. I wish I would have seen Cadence first. Anyway, below is how it went. She text me immediately after I sent it. How do you think it went?

 

Scott

Hey Tina, I hope your doing well and just wanted to let you know that I will be removing you from my FB friends list today. Take care... .

 

Tina

Mmm k..Weird u have a good one scott

 

Scott

Hey Tina, please do not take this personally, it is not about you. "Sorry, I thought you would understand why"...I wish you the best in your life. .

 

Tina

nuthin personal...its cool...

[Cadence44]

Tina

Mmm k..Weird u have a good one scott

 

Well, her reply strikes me as a little tactless. Anyone with an ounce of maturity would understand why you needed that space.

 

You did good Scott. You had good intentions and you acted upon them!

 

I don't think any of this was damaging at all, so take a deep breath and keep moving forward.

[fuddiduddy]

Chiming in because I can't believe this went to 5 whole pages.

 

When my ex broke up with me, he immediately defriended me and all my friends. The thing is, NOT one person was offended. In fact, it was sort of expected without the need for any explanation. One of my friends messaged me on FB and said, "Looks like I'm a casualty of you guys' breakup, because he defriended me too! LOL".

 

Sorry, but Tina's first response was weird. I took it as common knowledge that when a breakup occurs and exes start defriending each other, it naturally follows that some mutual friends will defriended as well. I guess it all depends on the maturity of some people.