Who Is In The Wrong? What Do I Do?

[shakinharlem05]

Quick History: I am dating a girl I broke up with last year. We broke up last year because of a few things but the way we broke up was she just avoided me altogether. It really hurt me. We got back together this year because after a month-and-a-half of pursuing me I finally let her in understanding things have changed.

 

NOW:

My girlfriend is a bit of a pessimist. I am the positive one in the relationship. We have been dating again for three months. I am usually the one who keeps the mood afloat sometimes. She's not always negative but a lot more than I am.

The past two weeks she has been really really negative, though. The other night I was on my way to cook dinner for us and another couple we're good friends with. I was running late and so were they. Well she texts me saying to expect her to be in a bad mood. When I get there her mood is sour. The whole time she just is negative negative negative.

As the night went on it became more personal attacks on things I did... things I liked...etc... I got quiet. I was hurt by it. She noticed something was wrong, I said nothing... didn't want to cause a scene.

Well the next day she asked me what was up and I finally told her that lately she's always in a bad mood and the night before I didn't speak because she'd shoot me down and make me feel stupid.

She then turned it on me for not mentioning it and I apologized for that... I should have. But now...

SHE'S IGNORING ME...

It's been almost a day and she won't call/text back with me. We have Memorial Day plans but she's ignoring me.

I'm really scared this is going to end up like before. I don't want her to run in conflict and I hope that's not happening.

But am I in the wrong? I don't know what to do.

[savignon]

I wouldn't be comfortable in your situation. Doing all the appologizing and getting ignored for saying how you feel is a drag and not really signs of an equal partnership. Looks like things haven't changed the way you had hoped when you got back together.

[Eclipse11]

I was thinking the same as Savignon...I would think things through again after getting back together with her...I wouldn't feel comfortable either...it doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong...Eclipse x

[shakinharlem05]

yeah.. i accepted the blame to her on not bringing it up sooner. i accepted it and apologized.

but she hasn't apologized for any of her words and just decides to ignore.

[Celadon]

Um ... and why do you like this girl? Her behavior is inexcusable. She is in a bad mood because you and the others are late? So...can't she find something to do or read or think about while she waits for you guys?

 

I used to be in a relationship where the guy (like your gf) wouldn't take responsibility for his actions, and I would never do that again. It's not worth it. You can't have a good, loving relationship unless both people are willing to take the blame, apologize and try to improve understanding. The saying goes: Conflicts can either bring you closer together ... or drive you farther apart.

[misssmithviii]

You're not in the wrong for one, and it sounds like what savignon was talking about.

 

She's trying to push and pull you to her whims and desires by ignoring you, making you think about her, driving you crazy. This is ridiculous, and she has obviously not changed one bit if she thinks she can force blame on you, never apologize, and then ignore you.

 

I'd sit her down and tell her that the way she's acting is unattractive and off-putting because she shows no regard for your feelings. If it doesn't work out, then you've got to respect yourself and stop letting her treat you like this.

[ariesgirl]

Honestly she sounds like a really miserable person. Other people are running late and she tells you to expect her to be in a bad mood? Why would you even want to have a dinner with someone who acts that way. I think it's best to find someone nicer to be around.

[RedDress]

Ooooh... this is one of my pet peeves in life. Why if she is in a bad mood is it suddenly your problem and the problem of those around her??? I mean... really! In life, we are supposed to be able to deal with our own emotions. Imagine if she had done this at work?? This is grounds for firing someone.

 

She's completely emotionally stunted. I mean... and then she starts ignoring you??? How about discussing what is bothering her? Again. She is hurt -> it is your problem.

 

Yeah... I totally can't deal with that.

 

What was the original question again? Oh. Yeah. You are not wrong.