My girlfriend broke up with me but still wants to see me every day and be friends

[mitch8484]

Hi all, i'm new to this and hope someone can help.

 

My girlfriend (ex now) recently split up with me after 2 years and said she just wanted to be friends. She has depression and when she started taking different medication thats when she broke up with me.

 

I started a new job about 18 months ago which drained me and I had no energy to do anything when I got home so we ended up sitting in my parents house watching tv so now realise it must have been quite boring for her. Before I started my new job things were great we went out all the time and done things couple should do.

 

A few times we werent getting on I noticed she was texting someone and read that she was telling another guy I was an a*** and I got jealous, I know I shouldn't have looked at her phone but she wasn't happy and we sorted things out but I kept getting paranoid about other guys that were texting.

 

Anyway the night she split up with me she told me she didn't want anyone else and explained the texts she was getting were innocent and I believe her and can't believe how stupid i've been.

 

She has split up with me and I asked her when she will change her status on a social networking site and she changed it to "its complicated", she says she done this so noone would think she's single and looking which made me believe her even more when she said she didn't want anyone else. She says she wants to lose weight and be herself again and look how she did when I fitst met her, I love her no matter what she looks like.

 

I know I can make things better in the relationship ad she even said the night of the breakup that part of her was saying to give it another try but then she said she couldn't and had to sort herself out.

 

After we had got everything out in the open we actually had a good laugh and got on better than we had in the last 18 months, I know most of what I done didn't help her depression but I know I can do it if she gives me another chance. I told her it was hard for me and tried to get her back the followin day but she says I was making it 10 times harder for her. We got some sleep and I texted and said sorry for pestering her earlier and asked if we could still be friends, I called and she answered, we got on and when I asked if I could see her the next day she said she would come over now (10pm) which she did and we got on and there was no tension. I will see her agin today as she agreed and she said she would still do things with me on a daily basis just as friends for now. I want more and know I can fix this. I know she cant go on with us bickering all the time and doesn't believe me when I tell her it will stop and I'll be more supportive, maybe becuase I said that to her once before and it didn't happen, I know I pushed her in to this but now that i've not got her i'm a complete mess and will do naything to get her back, She says in the future after we've built a good relationship then she might give things another go but that we'll need to wait and see.

 

Is she doing this to see if I do change and will she gain trust in me again and fall in love with me again? She's not pushing me away or cutting me off as she still texts and sees me, this is a good sign?

 

Does anyone have any feedback or thoughts? I would appreciate it very much sorry for it being so long.

[Adge]

Yeah. I was in a very similar situation to you. I started blaming myself for everything and said I needed to change. In actual fact it was her that needed to change also for the relationship to work. In the end we realised we just weren't compatible.

 

If you want things to work, and you both have enough feelings for each other to make it work, then change needs to come from both sides, not just one. Trust me on this!

 

At the moment it looks like she sees you as a friend. Commonly known on here as being "friend-zoned". I may be wrong and perhaps things might get back on track, but be cautious my friend...

[In the Dark]

She wants to be friends because she can not handle what you should be feeling as she did dump you.

 

You did say that you did things to make her more depressed whatever they are.

Just make sure they are truly valid things and not things which she came up with to make the break up sound like the right thing to do.

 

What your ex said sounds similar to mine about the weight and the vague answer of "sorting herself out".

 

Just remember in that time.....she will most probably be "dating" other men.

And that WILL hurt making friendship painful for you.

 

My advice is to just walk away once you see signs she is dating someone else and what she said about not wanting to see anyone new becomes a lie.

 

Because I feel mostly likely she will.

[mitch8484]

thanks for the replies, am i kidding myself on thinking it could be the anti depressants? She is really depressed and numb, she cries when i tell her my feelings for her, she did say that a part of her wanted to give things another chance but she couldn't and i just thought she was donig it to spite herself cos of the anti depressants, she is still going out of her way to see me and says it might work out when shes better, is she pushing me away becuase she thinks i'll slpit with her is she gets too overweight maybe, although i wouldn't. I just have hope cos she says there might be a chance in the future and that she did have second thoughts to give things another go

[In the Dark]

Since when has she started taking the anti depressants?

 

She maybe crying when you tell her your feelings because it says that you love her.

She knows because you have these feelings that you really hurt since she has decided to dump you.

 

I doubt the break up is about anti depressants.

 

BTW welcome to eNA.

[mitch8484]

thanks she has been on anti depressants for a year and it has been hard for her but i've helped her through some of it, she even said the only things she lived for were me and her parents.

she keeps changing medication and each one works differently, if she feels happier we get on great but some make her worse and we sometimes argue, I know its not all my fault.

I took the same antidepressant she is taking now a few years back and I know from experience they just make you feel numb with not a care in the world, like certain things I would usually care about, like freinds etc I wouldn't care because of the antidepressants, I just felt numb and so laid back and didn't bother what anyone said so that why i'm thinking it could be them but she is only taking them another few day with her other tablets the she will be coming off them tomorrow so that might help getting her real feeling back insted of blocking the feelings out?

[mitch8484]

She just calld asking if I want to site at her parents house and she said she wanted to have a good friendship and prove to ourselves we can get alon with each other again and the have another go after that

[DN]

Tell her she's either in a proper relationship with you or she's not. If she's not - you are moving on.

[Dixi]

Nobody knows what is exactly going through her mind, it may be the anti depressants but then it may not! If you really love this girl then you need to give her the space she requires in order to sort herself out because until she has done that things will not change. Yes you can be there for her if she wants you to be but you need to stop making her feeling guilty by telling her your emotional feelings, that will not help her or you, I know that that isn't always easy but you have to be strong for both of you and respect the way she feels to have any chance of a future with her. Even if after all that you don't get back together at least you know you did your best by her and hopefully she'll realise that too

[iJester]

Tell her you're not able to be friends with her now. Ask her not to contact you for any reason other than getting back together. If she's as unstable as you say she is, she'll be blowing your phone up by the next day.