How long is a reasonable 'break' in getting back together??

[H20]

This is a question for those who are having problems communicating..or slight bumps in the road...NOT those where abuse has occurred or anything crazy.

I have seen where some 'breaks' go on forever or indefinetely. When is it fair to say...enough is enough????

[jimbojones100]

You could ask a thousand different people and you'll get a thousand different answers. I personally wouldn't want a break to go on longer than a month. After that, I'd be asking for some answers.

 

But there are so many variables, that it's really hard to say.

[Flint_Wood]

I think its important to get as much information about a break as possible when it's being announced, this is tough because this obviously going to be a very emotional time. So after maybe 3 or 4 days of no contact, it would be good to set up the ground rules when hopefully heads are a little clearer and each person has a little bit of a better idea what their motives and expectations are.

 

Just call and set up some ground rules, if that makes you uncomfortable, just imagine you met someone new and wonderful (BUT DON'T SAY THAT) and approach the discussion from the mindset that you don't want overstep the bounds of this break.

[jellysandwich]

For me, 1 minute. She would have from the moment of telling me to the moment I walk out the door. Then I turn around and say something like, "I guess you're breaking up with me. Goodbye then."

 

Same for "I need space".

 

Extreme huh?

[Flint_Wood]

Actually Jelly... Thats pretty damn good, I pseudo broke up with my gf and she just said "Fair enough" and walked.

 

I was apologizing within minutes. Which didn't get me anywhere.... Relationships are a million ways to be cruel.

[1guygirl]

yeah this is what im wondering...in break with ex, he said to sort our stuff out, its been about a week now. i said i hoped we could be friends but no reply, so i disappeared off face of earth again. then he emails me after 2 days of me disappearing saying yeah he wants us to not cold shoulder each other and that he loves me.

 

so past few nights ive always had an email off him and its been short but sweet with xxx's .....but now im wondering about bringing up the break timeline thing, we havent discussed it other than he says we came up against some obstacles and hes sure we can overcome them ??????

 

im also wondering about going NC ...im not gunna hang around for months on end, and im even pissed about a month because im swinging on a dodgy shoe lace suspended above limbo land

 

arrrrrrrrrrrrgh

[Wicked_One]

I was wondering this myself, as my boyfriend and I are currently on a break due to his depression.

The first person I asked was my mum. She and my step-dad went on a break in the early stages of their relationship, they got back together and have been together for 19 years now.

So, the advice she gave me 'give it three months, casually talk during those months (when you're ready) but don't talk about the relationship or any heavy subjects, keep things light and don't talk too often, let them miss you. Then after three months ask about the relationship and where it stands, if you get an 'I don't know' or 'I still need to think' give it another three months and ask again. If you get the same answers or a flat out it's over, then move on.'

I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to move on before six months, or that six months is too long or not long enough for you, this is just a guide. Do what feels right.

Hope it all works out for you.

[1guygirl]

well last night i sent email asking about our break. i asked if we were gunna agree on dating or not dating others and what timeline did he have in mind.

 

he replied with something like "you wanna date others babe? you are a free divine being and you can do anything you want, you know i wont judge you for it"

 

i replied immediately "no. i dont. do you? and about that timeline?"

 

he was online and got no response.

 

i then sent another email two hours later.. "okaaaaay, so from your non reply i take it you are open to dating during this break"

 

again no response, and he didnt go offline til 3.30am this morning

 

 

i think its time to give him his break in full entirety and move on dont ya think??

 

advise pls

[marshmallito]

Yeah 1GG, you have given him open communication, he didn't respond. That's disrespectful and cruel. You don't owe him anything from here in. He gave you permission to be your "free devine being" time to take it.

[MalibuOne]

Yeah 1GG, you have given him open communication, he didn't respond. That's disrespectful and cruel. You don't owe him anything from here in. He gave you permission to be your "free devine being" time to take it.

 

I'm with Marshmallito. He was mean not to respond to you. Move on and be your divine, bad self! Good luck!

[Radeon]

In MY own personal opinion, true love never takes breaks. Always remember that when he chose to initiate the break, he CHOSE to not be with you. When he doesn't contact you, every minute of every day that he spends "on a break", he's choosing not to be with you.

 

For me, no one chooses when they feel like loving me and when they don't. You're either in it with me, or you're gone!

[thedude27]

Day or 3 after a blow up, I can see a "break" if you are in a youngish relationship and are still feeling out how to resolve conflict in that particluar relationship. If you've been together for a few years and you still need a "break" you are with the wrong person or both of you REALLY need to learn some relationship skills and how to resolve conflict.

 

From the "I'm on a break" posts I have seen here a HUGE % of them end in breakups, sorry if this is not what you want to hear but its what I have seen.