LDR Gone Wrong..?

[Radeon]

Soooo she continued with the "I love you" texts today, and I just asked her * * * was really going on.

 

She broke down and told me that she wants me back, and that I'm never going to take her back because she's been sleeping with someone for the last week. They've hooked up 7 times, and she's slept over at his house, but misses me and isn't attracted to him. She's begging me to take her back, saying that she sleeps there and dreams about me, etc.

 

Emotionally I'm still attached, and I want to take this opportunity and run with it, and live happily ever after.

Logically i'm slamming the brakes on this because it's throwing up flags all over the place.

 

Someone on the outside, please shed some light!

[jellysandwich]

Soooo she continued with the "I love you" texts today, and I just asked her * * * was really going on.

 

She broke down and told me that she wants me back, and that I'm never going to take her back because she's been sleeping with someone for the last week. They've hooked up 7 times, and she's slept over at his house, but misses me and isn't attracted to him. She's begging me to take her back, saying that she sleeps there and dreams about me, etc.

 

Emotionally I'm still attached, and I want to take this opportunity and run with it, and live happily ever after.

Logically i'm slamming the brakes on this because it's throwing up flags all over the place.

 

Someone on the outside, please shed some light!

 

Whatever you do, DO NOT SAY THAT YOU WILL TAKE HER BACK.

 

If you don't want her back, then it's obvious. If you do want her back, or at least create a good chance for getting her back, say something like, "I don't know if we should get back together right now. It's too soon after the breakup. Maybe we should take it slow and see how it goes."

 

This is key, as you will need to make her work her ass off to get you back. At the same time, you can take the time to see if you really want her back or not.

[Taikero]

Soooo she continued with the "I love you" texts today, and I just asked her * * * was really going on.

 

She broke down and told me that she wants me back, and that I'm never going to take her back because she's been sleeping with someone for the last week. They've hooked up 7 times, and she's slept over at his house, but misses me and isn't attracted to him. She's begging me to take her back, saying that she sleeps there and dreams about me, etc.

 

Emotionally I'm still attached, and I want to take this opportunity and run with it, and live happily ever after.

Logically i'm slamming the brakes on this because it's throwing up flags all over the place.

 

Someone on the outside, please shed some light!

 

Dude, don't be a stupid fish and take the bait. Ignore the lure of her false words, and don't get reeled in to be gutted again!

 

She broke up with you to go have sex with random guys. She obviously doesn't give a crap about you!

 

Tell her to enjoy her life, but she made her choice and because she wasn't able to sort out her feelings for you enough to remain out of another man's bed, she can sleep in it, and never yours again.

 

Then never talk to her again.

[Radeon]

Whatever you do, DO NOT SAY THAT YOU WILL TAKE HER BACK.

 

If you don't want her back, then it's obvious. If you do want her back, say something like, "I don't know if we should get back together right now. It's too soon after the breakup. Maybe we should take it slow and see how it goes."

 

What's that going to do?

[jellysandwich]

Sorry, busy at work so I have to update it slowly lol. Check the updated version.

[Radeon]

Gotcha, makes a lot of sense now.

I ran with the emotions at first and told her that I really want to try to make things work... Now I'm hitting the brakes on her. NO she's not happy, but hey, was her choice.. right?

[Taikero]

Gotcha, makes a lot of sense now.

I ran with the emotions at first and told her that I really want to try to make things work... Now I'm hitting the brakes on her. NO she's not happy, but hey, was her choice.. right?

 

You're not some "catch & release" fish. You're the 20 pound trophy that's supposed to get mounted on the wall and bragged about, her saying you were "this big!" as she holds her arms out far apart and exaggerates the story of how she landed you.

 

I know, it's a fishing metaphor, but she doesn't just get to drop the relationship, go have random sex, then come back once she's gotten her fill of the local hotties she could entice. You're not some reliable dog that's happy to see her no matter what, you're a person with dignity, self respect, emotions, needs, and desires. She spit on what you two had. Now she can live with the consequences of her actions instead of worming her way back in just to hurt you again.

 

Ditch her and stick to it or mark my words, she'll hurt you again.

[Radeon]

Ditch her and stick to it or mark my words, she'll hurt you again.

 

I believe it.

 

Thank you guys so much.

[Radeon]

She keeps trying to reach out to me as if the relationship never ended. Put me in this situation a week ago and I would have thanked all things holy for bringing her back to me, but now I can't get the image of her sleeping with someone else out of my head. She tells me its over between them, but that's not enough for ne. I don't think anything will ever make that okay, and I don't think I can ever love her like I used to. Is this wrong??

[Taikero]

She keeps trying to reach out to me as if the relationship never ended. Put me in this situation a week ago and I would have thanked all things holy for bringing her back to me, but now I can't get the image of her sleeping with someone else out of my head. She tells me its over between them, but that's not enough for ne. I don't think anything will ever make that okay, and I don't think I can ever love her like I used to. Is this wrong??

 

No, it's not wrong. She left you to go sleep with these other men. Plural. This wasn't like some drunken accidental fling or she was drugged or something. She's gone out and done this multiple times, and probably far more than she's told you.

 

There is no way I'd take back a woman who left me to go get some, then once she got her fill wanted me back. To me, it's the same as cheating. You don't get to take a break and spread your legs for slobbering drunk guys and expect I'll want something to do with you after. Once you've done that after we're together, you're tarnished and ruined for me. I lose all respect for you and I have no desire to have sex with you anymore because I look at you as selfish scum.

[orillia]

Personally, I think she is feeding you a line with the "I don't REALLY want to date, but I feel like it's what I should do" thing. I think she's trying not to hurt you. The fact she put you on limited status on her FB is a red flag to me - she doesn't want you seeing her photos of her and other guys.

 

Then if and when she finally admits to you that YES she is seeing other guys, she will have already laid the groundwork of "well, it's not like I really want to do it, but I feel like I should"...etc. See where I'm going with this?

[orillia]

Oh sorry, I posted my reply before I saw this post.

 

Well all this post does is confirm what I said in my original reply.

 

Dude, she is playing games with you! You don't sleep with someone 7 times who you're "NOT REALLY ATTRACTED TO."

 

I agree w/the guys who said, lose this chick. Something is wrong with her upstairs.

 

Maybe she is one of those people who has low self-esteem and therefore holds onto her exes. Or maybe she wants you as a back-up. Whatever, this is in no way shape or form good for you. I'd go NC immediately and forever.

 

Soooo she continued with the "I love you" texts today, and I just asked her * * * was really going on.

 

She broke down and told me that she wants me back, and that I'm never going to take her back because she's been sleeping with someone for the last week. They've hooked up 7 times, and she's slept over at his house, but misses me and isn't attracted to him. She's begging me to take her back, saying that she sleeps there and dreams about me, etc.

 

Emotionally I'm still attached, and I want to take this opportunity and run with it, and live happily ever after.

Logically i'm slamming the brakes on this because it's throwing up flags all over the place.

 

Someone on the outside, please shed some light!

[Radeon]

She's changed a LOT since I've seen her last... Not in the way she looks, but in who she is. Most ways not for the better, either. Talking to her in the last few days has really, really shown me this. I've decided that I don't want to go through life with a "what if;" what if I gave her another chance...

 

As we stand, we are NOT in a relationship, but I told her that I don't mind talking to her, to see if we still click. I'm willing to give us another chance if we do, but if we don't I'm going to walk. For the most part I'm over her: I can't trust her anymore, I don't like who she's become and I've seen how selfish she is and I don't see a future between us anymore. But it hurts no one to see if we click.

 

So I asked her to blow off the other guy, and she said that she would (She said she has, now). I'm kinda just waiting to see how much effort she'll actually put into this. There is one thing that concerns me, however... She told me that her entire family knows about the new guy, and that she's been sleeping with him (obviously, cause she doesn't come home some nights). However, when I asked her to tell them that she was trying to work it out with me, she REFUSED. She said she's not opening up her life to anyone until she knows what's really going on. When anyone in her family is around she talks to me in yes/no responses, and short laughter. It's pretty obvious that she's hiding something.

 

Does this raise red flags for anyone else? You can announce that we're over, that you're having sex with someone else, but can't tell anyone that we're trying to make it work. Is she ashamed, and afraid of their reaction? Or is it something else?

 

I know for a fact that her sister put a lot of pressure on her to break up with me and "get out there" if she wants to get over it (sleep around). I don't know if she's feeling pressured by her family not to get back with me, or if she's just afraid of making herself seem like she's cheating on me.

 

You guys have been so helpful, and I look forward to your responses! I know I should NC and walk away forever, but I don't have much to lose by giving it another shot and treading lightly; my hearts already been broken.

[jellysandwich]

To be honest, I do not think you are ready yet. I think that you are still in denial: you really want to get back with her, but you try to convince yourself that you only want to see if the spark is still there.

 

The bolded parts above are what worry me the most. Why do you want to get with someone who you have such a low opinion of?

[Radeon]

You're probably right about me being in denial, and holding onto false hope. She wants to be with me, but there are so many things that just worry me about her end. It's long distance, so that's the first problem.

 

She's become borderline alcoholic, signed up for pole-dancing classes, bar hops at least 4 times a week, tells me about every guy that hits on her, etc. That's why I have such a low opinion of her. and as to why I want to get with her? I guess I want to prove to myself that I can't be with her... She got to decide that I wasn't right for her, until she went out and slept with someone else and didn't like him. By "looking for the spark," I guess I feel like now I get to choose.