"Protecting" your gf

[thathoopla]

I know there will be a variety of responses in this thread.

 

Would you (men) "protect" your gf if someone was bugging her or hurt her feelings? Let's say she was also a bit in the wrong (i.e. telling someone to F off), so she was retaliated by someone else. HOW would you respond?

 

Imo I'd like to at least be spoken to nicely by my bf even if I also did something wrong. I don't know how he'd be able to watch me cry. I wouldn't want the guy to just jump in but if I show I'm upset I'd want him to get somewhat protective otherwise I'd feel like he doesn't care

[aldridal]

If my girflriend does something she knows is wrong, I'd expect her to handle herself in a mature way, and take care of her own business. That's not to say I wouldn't step in if things were getting ugly and say something like, "Alright, let's all not get carried away here, let's act like adults."

 

I suppose if she told a guy to "F off" and the guy started berating her, I'd probably do something, but I'd also expect her to be an adult and be more mature than that.

 

Now, if she's just minding her own business and somebody starts trouble, then I'll do what I have to do to be protective. It's just how I am. Nobody is going to hurt the people I'm close to.

[savignon]

If I told someone to F off, my husband would be so embarassed he'd probably leave the room. I'm confident he'd defend me if I were in danger or something but with an inter-personal conflict, it would entirely depend on whether or not he condoned my behavior and/or thought it was any of his business. We both have decent personal standards so I don't imagine an inter-personal conflict would require anyone's intervention.

[russ978]

I'm sure she could handle herself.

 

The second it got physical, nearest blunt object is picked up and it is caveman time.

[KG]

If she brings trouble on herself, she should fix it. If it starts getting out of hand, I'll intervene. But I don't see it happening.

[DN]

If someone got physical or really abusive verbally I would intervene but I would expect her to handle herself appropriately. It is also worth remembering that it is better not to escalate a situation.

 

There was a case not so long ago where a woman got into an altercation with a guy in the checkout line-up when she pushed in front of him. She went to find her boyfriend who came back with her She indicated who the guy was and her boyfriend hit him - causing his death. To top it off he hit the wrong man. Both the woman and her boyfriend were charged with manslaughter.

[Car Chick]

I'd be mad too. My ex was like that. But his sorry arse is gone now and I am with a wonderful man who his willing to stick up for me. You deserve that too.

[Car Chick]

It would help if we knew more of the situation too. What was it that was going on that you feel he didn't defend you in?

[hexaemeron]

I'd think it would be extremely offensive if my partner stepped in every time I needed to handle something myself. I mean, that's basically telling me he doesn't think I'm capable of handling things on my own. That would irritate me to no end. I'm not an invalid and I'm not a child.

 

And I would provide the same respect in kind. However, if he was in any serious danger, yes, of course I'd step in and assist.

[thathoopla]

Ok what I mean is not that the woman pushed someone else first. Something happened where she said F off to someone. Then the person retaliated with personal attacks which made her upset. What would you guys do as men if you see your gf cry from something like that. What would you say or do.

 

Obviously I don't expect to hear answers where the guy will beat up someone else. This isn't a physical fight or anything.

[savignon]

If you're looking for how someone would react in your personal situation, can you outline what happened?

[DN]

Ok what I mean is not that the woman pushed someone else first. Something happened where she said F off to someone. Then the person retaliated with personal attacks which made her upset. What would you guys do as men if you see your gf cry from something like that. What would you say or do.

 

Obviously I don't expect to hear answers where the guy will beat up someone else. This isn't a physical fight or anything.

 

If she started it she should deal with it. She's not an infant - if she were she would get in trouble for instigating the situation in the first place.

[thathoopla]

If you're looking for how someone would react in your personal situation, can you outline what happened?

 

Not my personal situation

 

If she started it she should deal with it. She's not an infant - if she were she would get in trouble for instigating the situation in the first place.

 

Ok so what would you do. Not asking for what you think she should do. Would you lecture her

[Up and Down]

I'll weigh in on this, as I have a story that somewhat relevant. About a month ago, I was out at a bar with my gf and hanging out with some friends. Guy walks in who apparently knows one of the friends I am with but then slaps my gf on the arm.

 

She is not a timid girl and starts giving him a piece of her mind. In my mind she's handling the situation and sticking up for herself. I was at the bar and when I turned around I guess he figured out I was the boyfriend. He came over to me to apologize and buy me a drink, mostly because I am a lot bigger than him, that said I told him he's lucky I am a generally nice guy but that he needs to go apologize to her. Which he did.

 

I don't think me punching him or going after him would really make the situation better. If he grabbed her or punched her, it would be a different story...

[DN]

Ok so what would you do. Not asking for what you think she should do. Would you lecture her

No. If she asked me why I didn't intervene I would say something about why I didn't. But if she's an adult she gets to make her own choices and deal with the consequences.

[thathoopla]

No. If she asked me why I didn't intervene I would say something about why I didn't. But if she's an adult she gets to make her own choices and deal with the consequences.

 

So you would just look at her crying and say nothing. Ok.

[DN]

Crying is manipulative under those circumstances. It's a way of someone who is wrong trying to make out that they are right because they got all upset.

[savignon]

So you would just look at her crying and say nothing. Ok.

It would be helpful to know what you're getting at. "Would you console your gf if you saw her crying" is different from "if she told someone to f-off, would you intervene"

Can you give us more info??

[thathoopla]

Crying is manipulative under those circumstances. It's a way of someone who is wrong trying to make out that they are right because they got all upset.

 

Yea okay. Manipulative. Some people are just easily apt to cry. And myself in that situation would want the bf to ask what happened and be supported by being told to let it go and not allow it to get to me, instead of just saying nothing while I'm there crying.

 

So you would just look at her crying and say nothing. Ok.

It would be helpful to know what you're getting at. "Would you console your gf if you saw her crying" is different from "if she told someone to f-off, would you intervene"

Can you give us more info??

 

I just made some kinda situation, what more info would you like?

[DN]

I think someone who is comfortable telling some one to 'f-off' should also be comfortable dealing with the consequences. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

[thathoopla]

I think someone who is comfortable telling some one to 'f-off' should also be comfortable dealing with the consequences. If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen.

 

I got your point. You would not say anything if your gf was crying.

[savignon]

I got your point. You would not say anything if your gf was crying

Do you think you might be assuming too much about a possible reaction to a situation that you've made up in the first place? Anybody's reaction would entirely depend on the situation. If I were crying after *I* told someone to f-off, most of my friends and my husband *might* say, "deal with it...that's what you get for mouthing off". But who knows? Maybe they'd all rally around me...?? I don't think I get the point of this discussion so I'll bow out, but I hope you find the guy you're looking for and that he's does right by you.

Best wishes.

[thathoopla]

I got your point. You would not say anything if your gf was crying

Do you think you might be assuming too much about a possible reaction to a situation that you've made up in the first place? Anybody's reaction would entirely depend on the situation. If I were crying after *I* told someone to f-off, most of my friends and my husband *might* say, "deal with it...that's what you get for mouthing off". But who knows? Maybe they'd all rally around me...?? I don't think I get the point of this discussion so I'll bow out, but I hope you find the guy you're looking for and that he's does right by you.

Best wishes.

 

I don't think I'm assuming. He said that himself. That's all there is to it. I just want to know how people would act in the situation.

 

But thank you.

[Up and Down]

I got your point. You would not say anything if your gf was crying.

 

I generally agree with DN but could see how it could be situational.

 

If sed girl starts the fight, tells someone to F-off and then gets mouthed back to and starts crying, it's her own fault.

 

If someone is bothering her and she tells him to F-off, (not instigated by her at all) and starts crying it's a different story.

[FathomFear]

I'd be wary of desiring that you be "protected". Classic chivalry presumes a kind of inequality, that women are "the weaker sex" and need to be sheltered or protected from harm.

 

Obviously, there's nothing wrong with sticking up for a partner and showing you care. But that applies for men and women, gay or straight. There doesn't need to be a unique dynamic directed at straight women. They are more than capable of sticking up for themselves in every way that a straight man is.