sex therapy.."Pandoras Box"

[Gage]

My wife and I have been married for over 10 years..we have young kids, great jobs, very nice home..but our intimacy has fallen off a cliff. We are now in that "routine" where sex is something to do, more for me..too relieve "stress"..my wife could take it or leave it. I could get ito more details but my main question is this...Im thinking of signing us up for a sex therapy workshop..its one on one(no funky stuff) designed to work on issues of intimacy, hangups, spiritual connection etc... I did notice in reading the course outline that they discuss past relationship issues in detail as it is often a root too many current problems. My only concern is hearing things about her past which I may not know that may make things worse. Has any one had an experince with such a thing?? and could I be openning up "Pandoras Box"...thx for the input

[denise_14]

maybe you can ask those who have actually undergone the sex therapy workshop. you can also inquire directly to the organizers/therapists.

regarding the stuff in the past, well, i think it should be a minor issue. after all, you love your wife and your life now. whatever it is that she did or encountered before, it's already in the past and should not affect the way you handle your present. good luck and kudos for your efforts in keeping the fire in your relationship!

[Catdancer]

I would think that past relationships would be with parents, family members, etc. because a traumatic event can cause sexual repression and fear. I would def sign up for and take the class. Good luck.

[Gage]

All very true and thx...I guess its more of a fear of hearing something negative from your partner about you sexually that only a therapist could bring to the surface. At the same time you cant just sit idle if theres an underlying issue that can be fixed by simply discussing it. I love my wife more than anything and I want that unabashed desire for sex to come back, where its fun and becomes "a" priority again.

[Catdancer]

I would think that a sex therapist would know that past sexual relationships would cause tension in a couple. So, if anything like that is mentioned, I would assume that a therapist would know how to diffuse it and bring about peace, instead of resentment. I still think that the class is a great idea and I wish more couples with sexual issues would do the same thing.

[Gage]

I think a big issue for some couples and I know it was for me is actually taking the step...my wife and I are, according to our friends and acquaintances a "very good looking" couple..we are extremley fit etc...so becomes hard to imagine that you could have issues like this. I dont mean that in a shallow way at all.

[Catdancer]

I think a big issue for some couples and I know it was for me is actually taking the step...my wife and I are, according to our friends and acquaintances a "very good looking" couple..we are extremley fit etc...so becomes hard to imagine that you could have issues like this. I dont mean that in a shallow way at all.

 

Hey, it happens. I've talked to countless people on this board alone, who are beautiful, fit great looking people, with a big house, perfect jobs, perfect kids, the perfect dog, the perfect life...but the sex sucks and there is no intimacy. I think that sometimes we concentrate on what we think we need and we forget about what we already have.

[Gage]

wise friend of mine told me "Life is a long lesson in humility"...so to your point, I guess a marriage is no place to "be proud".

[lostandhurt]

You should be commened for seeing this and wanting to take the step of doing something about it.

A qualified therapist should be able to make sure things aren't made worse by the sessions. I wouldn't just spring this on your wife though. Talk to the therapist about the best way to broach this subject with yourt wife and see what happens. I think you have more to gain than loose don't you?

 

Lost

[Hermes]

Gage:

 

Reading your post.

I think it is a great idea to go for sex therapy. However, you mention a "workshop". Does that mean other couples in the same room too, who are there for similar therapy? I am not so sure I would really like that. It is a rather private matter. Would you both maybe not go directly to a sexologist, ijust in private session?

 

H

[Gage]

Its actually one on one....no "Group" therapy sessions...its a weekend course...so you go for the day...then they send you back to your Hotel, Inn...to uhm...practice what you learned.