How do you let emotions pass?

[Celadon]

Hi all ... I tend to be very attuned to my emotions -- way too much, unfortunately. I've always been sensitive and there's no changing that. Meaning that I feel things pretty deeply and am often "thrown" by what people say to me or do. (This is good for creative pursuits; not so good for day-to-day living...)

 

I could go through the day getting upset constantly. I'm learning to be more "hands off" and not react so much, but it's still hard. A few months ago I vowed not to have any expectations of anyone, but I guess I get thrown by what people do so that it's hard to live by that rule. After all, I can't control other people.

 

Do any of you have practical skills that you use to vent emotions or let them pass without your feeling like you must tell someone about each and every one of them? Do you take 10 deep breaths or something? Do you go for a walk? Do you say something to yourself that allows you to not dwell on upsetting things?

 

Would appreciate tips that work for you. Thanks.

[IntotheWild]

I usually find overly heightened emotions come from tunnel vision. If I find myself feeling too much about one particular thing, then I try to take a mental step back and look at life in a bigger picture. I think about all of my goals, books I've read, people I know, different possible challenges for the future; I do everything I can to see life in as broad of a portrait as possible. That helps a lot. Then it's like whatever was causing my trouble is really just a tiny spec on a very large painting... and it's no big deal.

[Catdancer]

Yes! I get tunnel vision too. I am focused on one emotion or one situation and I cannot see outside of it. Alot of times I dont even realize that the tunnel vision is on.

 

I have to take a step back and do something else to get my mind off of whatever I'm obsessively focused on. If I'm feeling sad and melancholy, everything makes me sad or makes me cry. So, I have to do something to get my mind out of that zone. For me, I'll watch a funny movie or TV show. Babies and puppies and kittens bring me immediate joy and happiness. So, ride to a pet store and play with the kittens and puppies. Go the dog pound and walk a couple of dogs.

[inthearmy]

If you get internet on your phone, goto link removed and look at funny/cute cats and such? Could take your mind off it long enough to move on.

[Taikero]

1. Use your head. Logic trumps emotion if you use it.

 

2. Take a deep breath, put your feeling into that breath, and as you release the breath, release the feeling with it.

 

3. Try to see the situation from another point of view. Gaining perspective on a situation can be extremely valuable not only for gaining control over your feelings but also for working toward solving the situation.

 

4. Get in the car, drive around randomly, blast music optionally. I also occasionally like to sing out what I feel as I drive. It's surprising what you can find out about yourself when you just let your feelings flow.

 

5. Sometimes beating the living tar out of a pillow can really really help with a particularly frustrating time. I rarely do this since I don't often become angry but there have been a few times where it was good to let my strong emotions come out through my fists in a non-destructive way.

[Hermes]

I like that, Into the Wild.

 

I usually find overly heightened emotions come from tunnel vision. If I find myself feeling too much about one particular thing, then I try to take a mental step back and look at life in a bigger picture. I think about all of my goals, books I've read, people I know, different possible challenges for the future; I do everything I can to see life in as broad of a portrait as possible. That helps a lot. Then it's like whatever was causing my trouble is really just a tiny spec on a very large painting... and it's no big deal.

__________________

 

 

H

[itsallgrand]

The single most helpful thing for me to learn in regards to this was that not every feeling needs to have an action following it. Practice just being aware of what you are feeling without doing anything.

 

Some people might meditate or go to church or something for this. I tend to use physical work/exercise. But you can do it during anything and anywhere; the reason that I use physical exercise and work is bc that is a naturally calmer place for me to work from emotionally. You could start at some place that feels calm for you - something that you find it easy to give full attention to.

 

And to take care of oneself. It's amazing what taking care of oneself, and taking full responsibility - can do in regards to managing emotions. It's like a load lifted when the body and mind don't have stress and worries constantly feeling like they are taking over.

 

It's practice I guess, a skill some of us have to work harder at by nature.

[Celadon]

I usually find overly heightened emotions come from tunnel vision. If I find myself feeling too much about one particular thing, then I try to take a mental step back and look at life in a bigger picture. I think about all of my goals, books I've read, people I know, different possible challenges for the future; I do everything I can to see life in as broad of a portrait as possible. That helps a lot. Then it's like whatever was causing my trouble is really just a tiny spec on a very large painting... and it's no big deal.

 

Yes! I get tunnel vision too. I am focused on one emotion or one situation and I cannot see outside of it. Alot of times I dont even realize that the tunnel vision is on.

 

I have to take a step back and do something else to get my mind off of whatever I'm obsessively focused on. If I'm feeling sad and melancholy, everything makes me sad or makes me cry. So, I have to do something to get my mind out of that zone. For me, I'll watch a funny movie or TV show. Babies and puppies and kittens bring me immediate joy and happiness. So, ride to a pet store and play with the kittens and puppies. Go the dog pound and walk a couple of dogs.

 

You know, this is great advice. I have actually never thought of my problem as tunnel vision. I mean, I have considered myself "focused" and "accomplishment oriented" but it never dawned on me that those tendencies could contributing to my "jumping" on every emotion and dwelling on them. You've really given me something to think about and figure out. If I realize it is tunnel vision when I'm getting upset, then I can back away more easily, try to think "big picture," understand that there's nothing "WRONG," even though it may feel that way.

 

Thanks to everyone else for the very practical tips. I'm going to try those as well, and hopefully I'll feel more in control of myself in the future.

[Celadon]

Ugh, setback this morning. Good opportunity to practice these skills!

 

Last night one of my roommate's friends dropped by unannounced while my roommate wasn't there, which she knew. It was not good timing for me. She wanted to leave something for my roommate, but proceeded to invite herself in, use the bathroom, fiddle with the thing she was leaving. She was probably over for 15 minutes. This morning I mentioned it to my roommate, who didn't apologize but just said, "Oh well, that's the way she is!" I felt like, Gee, thanks a lot. First my evening's interrupted by someone who is not considerate of what I am doing (she could have just dropped the thing off at the door but she wasn't prepared to) and then my own roommate is not considerate of my feelings either.

 

If anyone would like to help me let go of this or talk me through this (nicely), that'd be great. Yes, I'll hopefully let it go when I get to work and get busy, but it bothers me that I'm bothered even this much, you know? (Breathing in, breathing out...)

[Catdancer]

What's the big deal? If you truly didnt want to deal with people, why did you answer the door? remember you always have that option.

 

So, her friend came in, peed, adjusted what she left and then she left. She didnt try to stay fur hours.

 

Look wider than your tunnel vision...you did your roomate a favor.

[Celadon]

Guess I was caught between not opening the door (even though I was clearly visible through the front window) and being rude when I opened the door. Actually, I would have been fine taking an item from her and shutting the door. Or if it were one of my neighbors in desperate need, I would have dropped everything to help her. But those weren't my options, especially when she says she needs to use the bathroom. And then, oh, she needs to do one more thing before she leaves the package.

 

I'm not trying to defend this like my constitutional rights have been violated or something, lol. I guess sometimes things that happen just trigger something else for me.

 

You're right that I did my roommate a favor, even though she hasn't acknowledged that.

[Rosee]

I'm very sensitive too and it definitely has it's drawbacks.

I think the tunnel vision thing is accurate and I so wish I had looked at the bigger picture in a recent situation because I focused on the thing that bothered me and blew it way out of proportion..if I had just taken a step back..but have you noticed that the emotions really cloud your thinking and it's hard to be logical until later (too late sometimes).

[Celadon]

Hi Rosee. Oh yes, I agree that emotions/strong reactions cloud the thinking. It's easy for things to grow out of proportion in those situations. That's why it seems important to find ways to let the emotions pass, and without getting deeper into them, but it's hard to do so. I mean, it can take HOURS, which is a pain.

 

I've noticed that one recurring situation that triggers my emotions is when I feel my "space" is being violated -- not physically, like someone standing too close to me, but in other ways, like the one I posted about earlier. Or when I'm at a movie and someone keeps talking throughout the movie. Or when my boss slacks off and leaves me and others to fix his messes. I know logically that these are not life-and-death matters, but we all have our weaknesses...