Did i make a mistake in getting married?

[renea]

RECENTLY GOT MARRIED AFTER 4 YEARS OF DATING. I KNEW MY HUSBAND HAD SOME CONTROLL ISSUES, WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THEM ON SEVERAL OCCASSIONS AND HE ASKED ME TO PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH HIM AND NOT TO GIVE IN WHEN HE'S LIKE THAT. MY HUSBAND IS NOT AT ALL HAPPY WITH THE JOB HE HAS, AND HE COMPLAINTS ALL THE TIME OF HOW HE IS OUT OF HIS COMFORT ZONE AND HOW HE DOESNT FEEL LIKE THE MAN HE KNOWS HE COULD BE TO ME. I'M KINDA BEING THE ONE WHO'S HOLDING DOWN THE FORT RIGHT NOW BEING THE SOLE PROVIDER AND I THINKS IT MAKING HIM FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE ESPECIALLY IN A sense THAT HE FEELS NOW THAT HE IS LOOSING SOME OF THAT CONTROL OVER ME. WE ARE NOW ARGUING OVER STUPID ISSUES..EVERYDAY..IT'S LIKE I CANT TALK TO HIM ANYMORE. I FEEL LIKE I'M BECOMING SOMEONE ELSE, I'M NOT ABLE TO BE ME. NOW THIS IS ONLY 1 MONTH INTO OUR MARRIAGE AND I FEEL THAT HE HAS CHANGED ALREADY, AND I ASK MYSELF AM I REALLY WILLING TO CHANGE ME TO MAKE HIM HAPPY? I'VE ALWAYS LOOKED AT MARRIAGE AS BIENG SOLELY COMMITED AND SACRED. I DONT BELIEVE IN DIVORCE..BUT I'M NOT AT ALL FEEILING HAPPY. I THOUGHT MARRIAGE ATLEAST THIS EARLY INTO IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE MY HAPPY AND IN LOVE FEELINGS. FOR THE LAST 6 MONTHS WE HAVE BEEN LIVING 100 MILES APART, IN TWO WEEKS WE WILL BE BACK LIVING TOGETHER, AND I'M NOT AT ALL EXCITED ABOUT HAVING TO DEAL WITH THIS REGULARLY YET. I'M CHANGING JOBS AND PUTTING MY SCHOOLING ON HOLD FOR THIS TRANSITION..BUT I'M SCARED NOW AS TO THE DECISION I MADE.I KNOW THAT A WIFE HAS TO BE SUBMISSIVE TO HER HUSBAND,AND I AM BUT I'M HAVING PROBLEMS WITH EXPRESSING HOW I DONT HAVE TO AGREE WITH EVERY DECISSION HE MAKES BUT I WILL MAKE MYSELF AGREEABLE..I DONT THINK HE RESPECTS MY DECISSION AND ARGUES THAT THINGS SHOULD BE DONE HIS WAY..AND JUSTIFIES THE REASONS AS TO WHY...-PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO MAKE MY MARRIAGE WORK..I LOVE HIM WITH ALL MY HEART AND KNOWS HE LOVES ME TOO, BUT WHAT DO I DO OR SAY TO A PERSON WHO'S NOT WILLING TO CHANGE OR REFUSE TO SEE THE FLAW IN THIER CHARACTER?..PLEASE HELP ME

[avman]

Please do not post in all caps on our forum. It is seen as shouting and is very, very hard to read.

[Dako]

If you feel this bad after one month I can't imagine how this could be fixed.

I disagree that women should always be submissive, especially since you've already made sacrifices to be with him. His comfort zone, his job and his anger are all his problems that he should confront. Maybe his comfort zone is too small for a grown man.

 

If it hurts to be with him, consider living apart until he finds his comfort zone.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

How are you the sole provider when he has a job? Is it a very low paying job? A woman does not have to be submissive. A marriage should be a partnership with a give and take. How was your relationship when you two were dating? How long did you date before getting married?

[Speranza]

Are you religious? If that is where you are getting your view from, remember that it comes from the verse where wives are told to be submissive and husbands in return are told to love your wives as Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself for her.

 

It sounds to me as though he isn't keeping his side of that bargain.

 

Nobody should feel for any reason that they ought to stay in a relationship against their better judgement and common sense when they are being damaged by staying. You obviously know this is your heart and I urge you to do what you need to get out before he is violent (if he hasn't already been violent).

[doityourself]

I to dont believe that you have to be submissive, you should be able to have your own thoughts, feelings, opinions and so on. You have that right as a person to speak up when you feel or think something.

 

Have you told him how you feel? Have you always let him make all the decisions?

[creaminthecoffee]

Part 1 of your message not in caps:

 

I recently got married after 4 years of dating. I knew my husband had some control issue, we’ve talked about them on several occasions and he asked me to please be patient with him and not to give in when he’s like that. My husband is not at all happy with the job he has, and he complains all the time of how he is out of his comfort zone and how he doesn’t feel like the man he knows he could be to me. I’m kinda being the one who’s holding down the fort right now being the sole provider and I think it’s making him feel uncomfortable especially in a sense that the feels now that he is losing some of that control over me. We are now arguing over stupid issues everyday. It’s like I can’t talk to him anymore. I feel like I’m becoming someone else. I’m not able to me me. Now this is only 1 month into our marriage and I feel that he has changed already, and I ask myself am I really willing to change me to make him happy?

[creaminthecoffee]

Part 2

I've always looked at marriage as being solely committed and sacred. I don't believe in divorce. But I'm not at all feeling happy. I thought marriage at least this early into it was suppose to be my happy and in love feelings. for the last 6 months we have been living 100 miles apart! In two weeks we will be back living together.And I'm not at all excited about having to deal with this regularly yet> i*m changing jobs and putting my schooling on hold for this transition>>but i*m scared now as to the decision i made>i know that a wife has to be submissive to her husband>i dont think he respects my decission and argues that things should be done his way>>and justifies the reasons as to why>>>_please tell me how to make my marriage work>>i love him with all my heart and knows he loves me too>please help me

[kombatarts99]

He needs therapy. It will be good for him and make him a better man even without you, if he can't see that it's over.