Why do i still love?

[FreeAgain]

Not sure what the point of this post is going to be, but im literally sick to my stomach right now and just need someone to vent to. My friends are probably sick of hearing it so thank you all for being here to listen.

 

To sum it up, it was a year and a half relationship, we lived together for over a year, and its been over 3 months since she broke it off. At first she said she didnt feel like she use to and needed space, but a week later she admitted to cheating (with someone I know) and shes still with him now. He would actually come by and hang out while we were still together, and while i was clueless!!

 

Ive been working hard at NC, but sometimes we'll run into each other, or she'll call out of the blue, but its always very short and well... almost meaningless. She still has a bunch of stuff she needs to get and called the other day to come get it. Yes, I answered but told her i was busy, maybe another time. Well, im going out of town today so i figured id call and see if she wanted to get it before i left (mistake?). She was about to go to work and couldnt come and i started telling her about my sisters wedding this weekend, but her cell phone disconnected. Didnt want it to end like that so i called back. When she answered i heard her new bf in the backround *****ing about something (either cuz the phone kept ringing or I was on it .. dont know) but i immediately said i gotta go, pick it up some other time, bye.

 

immediately after that I ran to the bathroom and was hugging my toilet. Fruity Pebbles have never tasted worse . Just the thought of them two together, and him waking up cussing about whatever was what did it.

 

I know, I know ... I shoulda stuck with NC and never even bothered to call. But with NC or not i still feel the love for her (even after all the cheating crap!!!) Now im thinking next time I see her I should just ask all the wrong questions im not suppose to ask (why didnt you want to work out whatever was wrong? what happened to those thousands of 'i love yous'? You said i was the greatest guy? Do you really love him more than you did me?) Just all the stuff thats bottled up that i know im not suppose to ask. I know we'll both probably end up getting pissed off at each other, but i dont care anymore. I doubt we'll ever get back together. I doubt we'll ever be good friends again. I know it may sound horrible, but i'd rather replace my love for her with anger if it means i wont feel as bad as i do know.

 

Tell me im wrong, tell me it wont work, just tell me something ...

[redsuede]

I feel so bad for you that you are going through this. You know what. You need to start by establishing NC. This woman cheated on you, brought this man in your home while you were clueless. She is not good. She is toxic to you and you deserve better. Focus on you and what makes you happy.. hearing from her and after what happened is bound to make you feel scattered. Try to focus on you and not what she thinks. She is not thinking of you. She has moved on and even if she did come back, she has ultimately betrayed you. You deserve better. Once you establish NC, you will have urges that are strong to contact her.. Wait it out. The feeling will go away. If you can be strong and retraining your brain to be healthy, it will cut down this tramatic time for you. You derserve better.

[philo]

Granted it would make you feel a bit better to get some of that off your chest, BUT do you really want to sound sad and pathetic doing so. Do yourself a favor and MOVE ON!!!! She is obviously not into you anymore, so why cause yourself more pain. Her stuff? RETURN IT to her or have her come and get while your NOT there! Breaking up isn't pretty and she feels as uncomfortable as you do. Just go out with some dignity. And if all else fails, go out to a strip bar and get drink with some buddies 8)

[AB38]

I like your profile name, "free Again" Need I say more? Great advise on the other posts.

[woobiegirl]

I'm so sorry for what your going through and you've certainly come to the right place to vent! As far as your friends, that's what good friends are for. It works both ways...and at some point they will count on you to be there for them too.

 

Regarding the title to your post "Why do I still love?" It's because when we are the one who uncondionally loves someone, and that love is literally whipped away (like a rug from under our feet) we are left with trying to figure our what happened. Yes, right now you are full of unanswered questions as you mentioned in your post, but be prepared not to get all the answers, especially honest ones since she wasn't honest with you about why she needed space. As hard as it is, I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of asking about "why"...I don't think she deserves your time and effort any longer. I understand how confusing it is when they tell you all these wonderful things about how your the best and greatest person alive ...and in the meantime their actions say something different. And you know what? You STILL are that wonderful, special & caring person she was bragging about because YOU were the "honest" one in your relationship. Cheating is so hard to forgive because it's the most hurtful violation one can do in a relationship...all else can be worked through. Give it some time, pack up her stuff and get it out of your sight....and you may be surprised later that she may contact you because life isn't always greener on the other side. Here is a perfect example...

When she answered i heard her new bf in the backround *****ing about something (either cuz the phone kept ringing or I was on it .. dont know)

Sounds a bit unreasonable to me that he's yelling in the back groud already as a new b/f in her life. After all, it's not unusual that she may still have to have contact with you to sort out a few things. He's either a very jealous guy or on the controlling side to make a scene while she's on the phone. So, ...he may not be as special in those quality areas that you were, and she'll find that out in time....but hopefully you will have moved on and/or have met someone who recognizes all your special qualities that will be appreciated.

 

As hard as it is, try to change your thought process and not let your mind play tricks by visualizing things that can ruin something as good as Fruity Pebbles You will see with time it all actually worked out for the best...be thankful you didn't invest more years or even worse by getting married. I've realized that when negative things happened in my past relationships there was a good reason....it made it clear that this wasn't the person worth investing time and effort into and definitely didn't deserve my love. The choice is yours, do what's best for yourself!

 

Wishing you the best,

Woobiegirl...

[Princess777]

Greetings,

 

I know exactly what you mean by one of your last statements: I wish I could replace the love with hate. I would love to be able to do that too. If I didn't love him, it wouldn't hurt so much, and the guilt of causing him pain would not be there. I would then be able to stop going back to him and get a divorce instead of accepting all of his crap.

 

I wish I could help you, but maybe just knowing that you are truly not alone, you'll find some comfort.

 

She sounds like she has fallen out of love with you, unfortunately. I, as a female, would not say those things to a man unless the chemistry was absolutely not there. I realize and know your pain, believe me. I am so sorry.

 

Come here any time to vent, cry, or ask for a shoulder.

[FreeAgain]

Sorry to bump this back up but i was out of town. Thank you for all the words of advice and shoulders to lean on. After reading this board for a few months i do know what I need to be doing, but i guess im just a bit stuborn and need to hear it again and again to stick with it.

 

NC is where its at and i will not call about her stuff. Eventually she'll call me about it and i'll just tell her to come now and grab every last bit so i can be done with it.

 

Im not sure what brought it about that day. It's probably better to not even think about it and just stick to NC as much as possible. Their are times when we bump into each other when were out, but i have been good about that. I just say a quick hello and keep walking to the other end of the bar without looking back. And when i leave, no goodbyes.

 

About the confrontation thing, I doubt I'll do it. Not that i dont think it will work, but im just too damm nice of a guy i guess. I cant remember one thing we fought about when we were together and even after she did what she did, i was still nice as can be and never got sobby with the 'miss you' stuff. I'm probably just still in the anger stage and dont think its fair that im the one still hurting. As much as i hate thinking this way, i feel she is more deserving of the pain i feel than me. Eventually it will all go away, its just the meantime im stuck in, and time isnt moving fast enough

 

oh, and aloneagain was already taken so i had to settle for freeagain It does sound a little more uplifting to me 8)

 

Thanks for all the suport, this place is the greatest