Dilemma

[Tbit]

So I relocated to a new home and an individual whom I have known for a few years is requesting to be invited over... The problem is that I don't want this person coming over because they can be a slob and are disrespectful of any requests placed upon her by others (for example: I had asked her to not eat in my new vehicle because I knew that she would get food everywhere and... she ate in my vehicle and had food everywhere in my car.) There is more to this story but I just wanted to cover the basic question...

 

How do I confront this problem?

[rosephase]

DO you mind me asking what you think might happen if this person comes over?

[Speranza]

Well if you know her /him well enough, you could say regretfully, "You know I would just LOVE to have you over, but I'm being really careful with all the new furnishing and flooring and whatnot, and I think it would just irritate you cos I know you don't really go along with all that."

 

If you DON'T know them that well - nothing lost, really! If the friendship isn't important enough for you to want them over anyway, I'd guess you will end up going your separate ways in any case.

[RedDress]

Since the summer is basically upon us, why not invite them over for a BBQ outside? (Providing you have a backyard).

 

You can give them a quick tour of the house and then head outside for drinks and food. She can make ALL the mess she wants there because it is biodegradeable!

 

That's what I would do...

[catfeeder]

Why not just a quick tour of the house and then entertain in the kitchen or the patio?

 

Also, I'm stumped. Did she borrow the car and then eat in it, or did she eat right in front of you?

[alli]

Tell her your house is still in boxes & you'll have to wait til some other time. Then just never make any further plans. You are always busy & whenever she pushes for it, give a vague "some other time when you aren't so busy".

[eggplant47]

Why not offer to show her the town? I'm sure you're really excited about your new surroundings- so share that with her. Inviter her over, do a quick tour of the house so she feels like she's seen it & then take her to your new favorite restaurant, bar, whatever.

 

Unless she lives so far away that she would need to be put up for the night...

[Tbit]

I believe that she would not respect my requests around my home. I understand it is great to feel comfortable and welcome in someone else's home but I, at least, respect certain facts like... take shoes off at the door, don't eat anywhere but the dining area, etc. I just don't believe that she would pay any attention and since it's already happened... I am attempting to avoid a conflict although maybe that's what is required.

[Tbit]

Thank you all for the replies.

 

Yes, she did borrow my car and did not clean it out and she is planning on visiting the restaurants in the area (of which would mean that she would be drinking) and not able to drive all the way back home. I don't appreciate her presumptive ideas of this situation. I spoke to her yesterday and asked that she wait to be "invited" but she is still making plans and futures dates to visit my home and to now go out with me and my significant other when I only see him once a week. It's very bizarre!

 

And now it has become a matter of being intrusive.

 

I will take all of your ideas into consideration and thank you again.

[catfeeder]

In that case, it's easy, "Sorry, SO has booked me for that time. I hope you have a terrific night, though."

 

You're smart to avoid being bullied.

[3boys]

I couldn't imagine "requesting to be invited over" to someone ELSE'S house....that's just downright RUDE!!! The way I see it, this "friend" has a problem with boundaries. It's one thing to "stop by and say 'Hi' while I'm in town," but it sounds like she's expecting you to be her "hotel." I'd just tell her you'd be more comfortable if she stayed somewhere else and you can get together for lunch or something while she's in town.

[eggplant47]

Wow. She's definitely a little rude...

 

I'm assuming you don't want to just drop her as a friend or hurt her feelings... So why not take the liberty of reserving a hotel room & at the end of the night drop her drunk butt off there! If she asks you why the next moring tell her you didn't want to risk your shiny new pad getting puked on!

[Thx]

I hope you don't mind if I smile a little for sentimentality's sake.

 

At one time I had people coming over to my house constantly... I guess I was a popular guy.

 

Some friend comes over and brings another friend with them, now I have two people coming over and the circle expands exponentially.

 

Also, if I let one in I can't play possume if another comes by...

 

"PARTY AT THX'S GANG!!" (every night and every weekend!

 

So, when someone would come by, I quickly get my shoes on, grab my keys and when they are about five feet from my door I open it, lock it behind me and I am just on my way out and in a big hurry... "sorry, I'm late, maybe some other time."

 

Also, I would on occasion park my car over on the other block so it looked like I wasn't home. (Uh.... I recently signed up for yoga and am always at yoga class... yep, every evening and every weekend...)

 

It's a pity when you have to jump through hoops like this to get some peace in your own home.

 

I guess you would have to decide how much value you place on this friendship.

 

It sounds like there wouldn't be much love lost, a friend should respect your wishes for no other reason than those are your wishes.

 

Good luck with this, it was hard for me, but eventually I managed to thin out the pesterers and get my life back.

 

edit: When your friend comes by unexpectedly... put her to work. Have her help you polish the windows pull weeds and clean out the rain gutters. lol

 

Thx