Is he cheating on me?

[december_x]

So every night for nearly the past 2 weeks

 

From (around) 9:30pm to (around) 11pm, my boyfriend will get off the phone. He won't even text me back in these few hours.

 

He always says all these different friends are calling him, (friends who never called him before) or he has to clean his room (but he never ever cleans his room, so that already seems sketch)

 

Could he be cheating? Maybe on the phone with another girl?

 

Or am I completely over-reacting?

[misssmithviii]

I wouldn't go right into cheating, but I would say he's hiding something from you if he habitually goes NC in a specific time frame... that just seems odd.

 

I wouldn't even consider really asking him about it because if he's hiding something, he'll continue to hide it

 

Either which was that is curious...

[arcadefire]

That does seem like suspicious behavior. I'm an advocate for doing a little PI when you think things are getting fishy. Next time he's in the shower or something, check his phone log to see if he's calling the same number/name, and if it's a girl's name, then you've got your answer.

[FarthestEdge]

Maybe he's watching "Dancing with the Stars", and doesn't want to admit it..

 

It's an hour and a half- maybe he just wants some down time.

 

Why did your mind go directly to cheating?

[addictedblue]

Is this long distance?

 

Do you have any other evidence?

[d24]

Any chance you can visit him during this time period.

 

LOL @ dancing with the stars

[RedDress]

Is this the only reason you think he might be cheating? If so, it's pretty weak.

 

How long are you usually on the phone when he wants to hang up? Is it hours?

 

Maybe he's just tired and set 9:30 as your cut-off.

Maybe he's making you a b-day present!

And I'm also laughing at that 'dancing with the stars' thing... LOL!

 

I wouldn't jump to conclusions over this ONE thing.

[geekgirl4]

Hhmm, if there are no other indicators of cheating - being distant, not treating you as well, etc. then I don't think it's something to really worried about. If everything else was normal in the relationship, I would be more curious (than suspicious) and just ask him directly, you always get off at the same time, what are you doing during then because I'm kind of curious.

[december_x]

I did do some PI over the weekend while he was in the shower, but he takes quick showers and I only had time to go through his text (There was nothing suspicious in there)

It is sorta long distance.

 

He lives a little over an hour away, but we still see each other nearly every weekend.

 

I guess this isn't my only indicator of cheating. Over the past few months, he's gotten less.... affectionate. He barely kisses me anymore and I can't remember the last time we were intimate...

 

He's smart so he would know to delete phone calls or texts... so yeah.

 

(he doesn't like DWTS and my birthday is in October! lol)

[ItRainsItPours]

do not go through his phone! it's such a violation of privacy. I've been highly offended when past girlfriends have gone through my phone and I have never had anything to hide. it's just disrespectful.

 

with that said I think the best thing to do is be upfront and ask him

[SpeedingCars]

Maybe he's watching "Dancing with the Stars", and doesn't want to admit it..

 

It's an hour and a half- maybe he just wants some down time.

 

LOL!

 

 

Ok anyway-

Since it is long distance... I'd be suspicious. Maybe he's not necessarily 'cheating', but he sure is hiding something from you. If it is chronically 9:30-11:30 on the dot, something is up.

 

Maybe someone comes over to his house, maybe he has another obligation at that time... maybe he's playing a game online that requires him to get on at a specific time slot?

 

Although I am not an advocate of snooping through your SO's stuff, I've found that when I had a 'hunch' and I went through their things (yes yes it's bad, blah blah blah)... I found dirt.

 

You say he is being distant and less affectionate, so I would definitely try to find some things out.

[FarthestEdge]

She's already gone through his phone and found nothing.

 

So now she figures that just because he's smart enough to hide 'the evidence'

 

What if there is nothing to find? How do you find that? You are heading down a dark road OP...

 

Stop snooping, and talk to him.

[MinziGirl]

Hi.

 

Haven't you thought that maybe he just wanted his own private time during those times? I think everyone needs some hours of the day to just him-/herself

 

I always have certain hours of the day to just myself. This is for me very necessary because of the nature of my job. Those hours are for me very refreshing & my boyfriend don't call me during these times. ( And of course, i don't call him during those times too)

 

I wouldn't jump direct into cheating. To say someone is cheating, you need to have hard evidence... To say someone is cheating is breaking trust in the relationship and trust is very important. Then again, giving each other space is also equally important. One can't be 24/7 with another person, even in a marriage.

[MinziGirl]

She's already gone through his phone and found nothing.

 

So now she figures that just because he's smart enough to hide 'the evidence'

 

What if there is nothing to find? How do you find that? You are heading down a dark road OP...

 

Stop snooping, and talk to him.

 

OP, Stop snooping and start talking to a professional counsellor if you still treasure this relationship! Maybe you did have some bad experiences with other men cheating on you?

[hexaemeron]

Uh, OP, honestly, what gives you the right to go through his personal things? Since you didn't find anything, I am confident you told him you went through his phone, since that would be the honest, respectful thing to do. Since we're all about seeking honesty and respect from our partners? Right?

 

Right?

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, some posters suggested that he is just having his own private time during that time slot. If you love and respect your partner, wouldn't you keep them in the loop and let them know you're just relaxing and having some "me" time, rather than evading the subject? If it's not a big deal, then he should be confessing to it easily if OP asks. It's not a difficult question to ask and it's not a difficult question to answer.

 

OP: "Hey, I've noticed you always sign off at the same time, I was just curious what you're up to during then. Watching American Idol?"

SO: "Oh, I'm just having some me time."

>

 

OP, I think you should stop snooping and be up front, ask him. Word it off like you're just curious on what's going on, rather than sounding like you're snooping and want to know what's going on every second. Partners are respectful of each other's privacy but at the same time, respects their partner by being honest. If he respects you, he'll answer your question.

[december_x]

Woah, Woah. I understand where everyone is coming from, snooping is bad. But it's not that bad. We look through each other's phone when the other is around.

(not to mention, sometimes when I ask to see his phone, He takes it first, and "looks through it" Which I'm almost positive he's deleting stuff, or at least making sure there's nothing in there he doesn't me seeing.)

 

Everyone has snooped at one point in there life, so yeah.

 

It's not like I even read his texts, I just went to see who they were from. Just his usual friends, which got rid of my suspicions for the time being.

 

And I agree with the previous post. If my boyfriend was having personal time, he would tell me. He's told me before. "Hey, I'm gonna get off the phone, I don't really feel like texting right now, is that cool?" And I always let him do that, because I don't mind. I understand wanting personal space. When we want it, we tell each other.

 

I just feel as though there's something he's keeping from me...

 

I mean, its like I said.

He's less affectionate and steadily growing more distant. He has half ass excuses for things like these absences and he's lied before. (usually about things that would "impress me" Which I've told him time and time again to quit doing. He doesn't need to impress me. It impresses me more when he's NOT trying to impress me. Yet he still continues....)

 

Maybe I am overreacting.

[december_x]

oh, and yeah I told him I went through his phone.

 

But its just something we do.

After we look through each others phone we'll jokingly be like

"So who's this Alex you've been texting? Eh?!"

But it's all in a joking manner. (an inside joke, if you will

[geekgirl4]

Hmm, I would focus on the distant thing for now then. Talk to him, let him know you feel the romance isn't as strong as before and suggest things you two can do to get close together again. Let him know you miss those random acts of affections and that it makes you really happy when he does.

[Juxtapoz]

is he a very structured person? like, gets up early every morning and has his days more or less planned out? I have a friend like that, who designates time slots throughout his day to do certain things, even if those things vary each day. Maybe 930-11 is one of those time frames he sets aside to do different things, kinda like productive me time.

 

talk to him. if he's being distant, ask him if he wants to talk. it can't hurt can it?