kholdstare Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Well I have written about my break up, make a long story short for all new readers. We went out three years lived together, the works, talked about marriage three weeks before break up, then she gives me the ever vague I dont love you the same way. I moved my stuff out, went on a vacation, tried to get my head on straight, but one thing keeps bothering me. If it was just a question of not loving me in the same way, wouldnt you still call, or email to find out how I have been? I truly think there is another guy, it is the only explanation for this total cutting off of contact. Well any advice would be appreciated. I know I wont contact her, but I am confused at this ability for her to separate me from her life like a flip of the switch. It has been two weeks since I saw her last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ang3l2004 Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Wow similar I am the one to always initiate my ex and he left me so I know what your going through Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melrich Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 Usually the partner that dumps the relationship will feel pretty guilty about doing so. She may not show much emotion about the whole thing but you can be sure that she is working to bottle it up. One way she will do this is to remove you from her life...out of sight out of mind. Seeing you, talking to you reminds her of her guilty feelings, it is easier for her to just stay away. If you have broken up after three years my advice is you both need some time apart, the feelings you would both have about the whole relationship will be too raw for you to start to establish a platonic friendship right now. I'd leave it for 12 months or so, allow both of you to let go of the residual issues you have with your relationship break up. I am sure you will then be able to have a great friendship with your ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
if only Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 My ex & I broke up nearly 7 weeks ago and I know it is hard to think things will get better now but I promise you it does!!! He has not contacted me once since the break up at first I sent him a couple of text messages but he just ignored me so I gave up. At first I was the same as you I thought there has to be someone else how can you break off all contact after 5 years?! But i thrashed this out with him and he promised there was no one else and I believe him. What ever reason your ex gave you, it will never be enough but honestly there is no point in thinking about other reasons as it will only make it harder for you. Think of this as a learning experience I dont know off anyone who has died of a broken heart and from all the advise in these collumns I can see it only gets better. I have realised how good my life really is and I dont need him to be happy im sure you will too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mun Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 On this site I have learned a few things about men, suprisingly! I didn't know that men noticed the amount of time going by with NC, but wow! they do. I am sure you have a full life and many things going on. Try to fill up your time with these things. Your ex might not be contacting you but I doubt that she has totally forgotten about you already. You had a long relationship and many memories-those don't just go away overnight. I don't know about her feeling guilty about breaking up. I have never felt guilty when I have done it, but I have taken the time to evaluate the relationship and sometimes there are regrets. Use this time to sort out your feelings and get a grip on your relationship. Maybe there were things going on that you didn't notice. Things maybe both of you did wrong. It's easier to see them when you are on the outside looking in. If she contacts you again take it slow, but if she doesn't use this time to grow as a person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristesse Posted June 8, 2004 Share Posted June 8, 2004 they don't contact becaue they made a choice and they're trying to stick to it! do the same! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragonlady Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 Hi I am totally confused with how someone who loves you, leaves and then doesn't make contact. I am in the same situation, I was with a guy for 3 years, living together for 2, planned a wedding everything then without warning he left me, I've not seen or heard from him in 10 weeks. Did I mean that little to him? I also want him back but NC is easy as I have no choice. To begin with he wouldn't take my calls, told me to stop texting him (this was before I moved my stuff out of his house 10 weeks ago) and then nothing. If I can't talk to him or see him how do I get him back. I want him back because I want him not because I need him, I see the good and bad within his character and behaviour but I thought we were soulmates, he wrote me some of the most beautiful things I have ever read. I have been keeping busy - lost 2 dress sizes and have been told I'm looking great, I have also changed mentally due to the counselling that I continued with. Also it is his sisters wedding in a couple of weeks, will he think of me and what our day / life would of been like? Full story here: link removed Please help - I feel so lost and confused. Thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristesse Posted June 9, 2004 Share Posted June 9, 2004 oh my.... this is almost like my situation....Oh I feel your pain so much...I cried reading your message. I know …please believe me I feel your pain. Oh sweet thing, of course he will think of you, of course he will…I don't know what happened to him? Did u ask fr explanations? But I know you think he's your soul mate, but if he can leave and goon without you then he's not your soul mate. My ex told me beautiful words too… he was the dream boy friend for four years…… I'm not saying he didn't love you or he doesn't love you… but his love may just not be as great as yours…. Do u want to spend the rest of your life and have kids with a man who doesn't love you just as much as you do? I don't know what happened, so I can't tell you if he will come back or anything, but that's not important right now, you are…. You must try to think of yourself…It's hard to have a life when u're so use to worry about someone else all day…I know… but you must try to live for yourself first…find yourself again. I'm sure u're lost. I know u're tired of hearing people who tell you, you'll be fine and that he didn't deserve you and all…. But forget about all that… feel ur pain, but don't let it destroy you, make it make you stronger… each time u feel the pain, pray to become stronger use your pain as a tool to make you a stronger person…. Time will tell you the rest. Good luck "hugs" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mun Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 Ladies, when a man leaves you... you don't call him. You don't ask for explanations, you just let him go. It takes alot of willpower to do this but you must keep your dignity intact. Especially so soon after the breakup. A man needs to value you and treasure you and he will do this only if you value and treasure yourself first. Treasure your time and your space. Treating a man special is good after he had done the same for you, not before. He will feel smothered and he will take you for granted. Sometimes we want the relationship so much that we lose ourselves for it. We shouldn't, we should continue to have our friends and our interests away from him. We should continue to have a life. I'm not saying this pertains to you but I have learned this, maybe someone can use it. When someone truly loves us they will miss us and look for us. If they don't, then we must take it as an experience and learn from it. Trust that things will work out for the best either way. Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tristesse Posted June 10, 2004 Share Posted June 10, 2004 muneca, I admire your way of thinking and evaluating things. You're so right and true! You inspire me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mun Posted June 11, 2004 Share Posted June 11, 2004 I read it in a book and it rang so true. You can pm me to find out which book. Love Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jarofpinecones Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 I am confused at this ability for her to separate me from her life like a flip of the switch. It has been two weeks since I saw her last. It has been my experience, both as a dumper and a dumpee, that when you get cut out of someone's life quickly, there usually is someone else. This would be for a couple of reasons. They met someone they felt a strong attraction to, and are trying to do the decent thing and break it off so they are not in a cheating situation, or... They realize they can no longer carry on the relationship, but are not strong enough to just go it alone. Hence, the term "rebound." They need someone to cling to while they work you out of their system. That is the one that has my head spinning right now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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