Why is my ex so vindictive w/o reason?

[britomart]

He was the dumper. He dumped me for someone else. It was an online relationship that lasted 4 months and was pretty serious. I took the break-up really hard - the sordid details are in the thread below.

 

 

 

Recently, I've been trying to make some space for myself. I went on a trip and only answered 1 out of 4 emails, to wish him a good spring break. I initiated contact 2 days after the trip. He blew up and said something along the lines of "You disappear and don't respond to emails? You can do whatever you what. I don't care anymore."

 

Since then I've initiated contact most of the time to try to patch things up.

 

1. email: no response

2. msn: he signs off after I ask him if he wants to stop talking

3. he initiated contact, and pretty much says i'm boring

4. msn: I said hi and end up helping him with his paper

 

On Saturday I confronted him about our current relations:

 

[11:23] me: do you prefer little to limited contact with me from now on?

[11:24] him: where is the appeal of talking to you when all i get is this emo bull * * * * or very badly forced small talk?

[11:26] me: i'm not trying to make small talk, and that doesn't really answer the question

[11:28] him: ok

[11:28] him: i'll go sleep on it

[11:28] him: bye

 

After that, I blocked him on Monday. There was only so much passive aggressiveness and verbal abuse I can take.

 

We play an online strategy game together. He knows how important the game is to me as I spend a lot of time leading a core group. His last login is on Tuesday. On Friday, I sent him a short email:

 

me: "Are you too busy to login now?"

him: too busy to login to msn and talk to me yourself? go away [my name]

 

I go online to talk to him.

 

[17:47] me: hello

[17:47] him: last line of the e-mail

[17:48] me: let's just take care of uto

[17:48] him: let's just take care of you * * * * ing off

 

I tried emailing him again, Yes, I am stubborn.

 

me: "I just need to know what is going on with Uto here. If you're too busy

to login now, I understand."

him: "congrats on needing to know things. bye"

 

I'm ashamed of myself, but I lost my composure after that and sent him 3-4 texts about how I loved him, I didn't need his love or kindness as I only wanted to be honest, and for him to please talk to me.

 

His response was: "time to move on." "seriously, not responding anymore. do not send another message." I tried talking to him when he got online but he signed off.

 

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I'm so mad and confused!

 

He dumped me for someone else!

He has a girlfriend!

I try to make space and it p*sses him off. I talk to him and it p*sses him off.

 

I block him because he ALL BUT TELLS ME to go away and he does something childish by quitting our online game without saying anything. What makes him do this? Why does he need to make me miserable when I'm trying to move on? Why does it feel like he's not letting me move on? Does he just want me to be miserable?

[Starbourne]

Ex's are messed up like that some times. My girl dumped me back in feb, and post break up she turned into a vindictive ice queen. Prior to us breaking up, we had an amazing relationship with plenty of mutual respect and love... then all of a sudden, she changed.

[britomart]

He IS so messed up. But for the life of me, I can't see why. He has a girlfriend - it's been 3 months. He should have moved on. HE'S the one telling me all the time to move on. But it doesn't feel like he is - he has to go and do something petty like quitting without a word.

 

Whether I talk to him on MSN or not, whether I respond to all of his emails or not, it shouldn't bother him. I totally don't know why he has to make me feel like h*ll all over again.

[Starbourne]

I highly recommend going into no contact with him. He sounds like an idiot.

 

My ex also told me to move on as well, yet pursued talking to me after we broke up. It's a bunch of mind games.

[Resolute]

People grow bitter and cold for no reason... Take his advice and forget about him - not worth the time anyway, he is emotionally making you long for him. All you are doing is damaging yourself.

[Starbourne]

People grow bitter and cold for no reason... Take his advice and forget about him - not worth the time anyway, he is emotionally making you long for him. All you are doing is damaging yourself.

 

Definitely. This is what my ex tried to do to me as well. When I pulled back (she made it easy given all the rude things she said) she flipped out on me and basically told me off.

 

So now im in no contact and will not be contacting her.

 

 

Stick to your guns, keep your chin up, and find someone who actually appreciates you.

[jenmar]

I dont quite understand wahat you need to patch up. You both have been broken up for quite sometime, and he is seeing someone else.

If I were you I would not try to contact him anymore, that is just making you look needy.

You can do much better, you deserve someone that is going to treat you with respect. This guy clearly has not been respecting you- but in a sense you and not respecting his wishes as he has told you to move on.

 

I know this is hard, but you will get through it.

[HeartGoesOn]

By talking to this air-head, you're losing every ounce of self respect that you have. Move on, and find someone who respects you.

[britomart]

I dont quite understand wahat you need to patch up. You both have been broken up for quite sometime, and he is seeing someone else.

If I were you I would not try to contact him anymore, that is just making you look needy.

You can do much better, you deserve someone that is going to treat you with respect. This guy clearly has not been respecting you- but in a sense you and not respecting his wishes as he has told you to move on.

 

I know this is hard, but you will get through it.

 

I was respecting his wishes. Like Starbourne, I withdrew when he became incredibly rude. No initiating contact, no MSN. He does the one thing that would make me contact him (quitting the game) - and his reason for it? Not talking to him.

 

But now we have nothing tying us together. I have no more reason to contact him. Instead of telling him off, I told him I simply would not contact him anymore and if he wanted to be friends in the future then it's his prerogative. It's less than what I should do, but I've taken the high road since the break-up and it's satisfying to know that I won't stoop to his level, ever.

[britomart]

I definitely could have handled that last exchange better though.

 

The best thing to do would be to say that I was giving him space as per his supposed intentions and that if he wanted to return to the game, he is welcome to.

 

Still too emotional about this whole thing. Bah, humbug.

[o_hopeless_o]

People grow bitter and cold for no reason... Take his advice and forget about him - not worth the time anyway, he is emotionally making you long for him. All you are doing is damaging yourself.

 

I agree with this too. cept i kinda blew off my ex for playing such mind games with me. He ended up lying alot etc, and once i said i dont thnk i'd ever take you back he had the nerve to ask me in a sad voice, "..Why?!" LOL. Just dont talk to him anymore there is no use and its not healthy ! forget him. as a person you deserve so much more respect but not everyone is willing to give it.

[britomart]

Yep, forgive and forget. Thanks for the support. everyone!

 

Trying to talk to him yesterday was so draining. It totally messed up 1 week of healing and I had to go to work right after.

 

I need to keep telling myself I'm not at fault here. He pushed me away, and when I withdrew, he retaliated in the most hurtful possible, and told me to "f*** off" when I approached him about it.

[britomart]

The realization has set in that he's gone. Not just from the relationship, but from everything. It's his way of saying, "You don't want to talk to me (even though I treated you like dirt)? I'm going to walk away from anything to do with you."

 

Now all I know how it feels like when the dumper doesn't even tell the dumpee, just walks away.

 

It hurts, and I feel like I'm back at Step 1. I know it's for the best. I know that this was only continuing the pain, in small doses. I know that without him I'll get better. I know that time heals everything. But I feel so sad and lost right now...

 

Sorry for the rant .

[Lifes4Living]

have you actually met this guy? or is he potentially some 12 year old kid havingn some cyber fun? no offence... but thats my concern when I talk to people online, are they real? am i a fool? i talked to a girl online once and she sent me pics etc, but the way she constructed her sentences, it was almost broken english in parts and being she was educated and from america all i could think about was "is this some nigerian scam artist who is trying to get me to fall for them then is going to ask me for money". I ended it after planting that seed in my head, who knows if she was real but I wasnt going to be one of those guys on the news who lost 100k because I was a fool.

 

he sounds like an idiot anyhow. drop him like a cold stone in the ocean. Id never be a complete a*hole to an ex, ok that is a clear lie from me I know I would if they cheated on me but in your case hes just a drop kick.

 

ps: im not a nigerian scam artist, if any of the above doesnt make sense grammatically its because im typing super fast and not re-reading anything i write.

 

[britomart]

Yes, he's real. Plus his grammar is too good to be a 12 year old kid. I know what you mean though - online relationships make it easy to not reveal everything about yourself.

 

I'm an idiot. Am I'm doing is appearing needy and embarrassing myself.

[Starbourne]

The realization has set in that he's gone. Not just from the relationship, but from everything. It's his way of saying, "You don't want to talk to me (even though I treated you like dirt)? I'm going to walk away from anything to do with you."

 

Now all I know how it feels like when the dumper doesn't even tell the dumpee, just walks away.

 

It hurts, and I feel like I'm back at Step 1. I know it's for the best. I know that this was only continuing the pain, in small doses. I know that without him I'll get better. I know that time heals everything. But I feel so sad and lost right now...

 

Sorry for the rant .

 

This is exactly what happened to me. She dumped me, treated me like crap after, and then expected me to stick around. When i didnt, she got angry and deleted me off facebook, blocked me on msn etc...

[britomart]

Exactly. HE BROKE UP WITH ME. FOR SOMEONE ELSE. But he makes himself out to be the victim.

 

It's pathetic, but sometimes I feel like sending him an email just to forgive me. But...for what purpose?

 

He broke up with me, treated me like crap for the first 3 weeks. After that I just couldn't be "myself" anymore. I didn't trust myself, didn't trust him.

 

Sure, I made some mistakes. But he crippled me and then expected me to deal with him as if I were never broken.

 

And yet he blames it all on me. And now he's cut me from his life completely.

 

But regardless of bad he's treated me / is treating me, I still care.

[doiiiieeezie]

He broke up with you yes but his ego is still hurt. He knows that he can get to you and in turn he is blaming any of his mistakes and faults on you. Simple solution? Stand up for yourself and ignore his grade 8 behavior... you are much better than that

[britomart]

IMHO, happy people don't need to be like this...

 

Honestly, he should be happy. Happy as in the "my life is good, I'm on top of the world, I have no need to be an * * * * * * * " kind of happy.

 

He has a new girl, who I know little about, but appears to be an awesome, outgoing person and is expanding his social life. He has no need to get offended if I want some space, or treat me like crap.

 

Does he actually care about what I do or the only thing hurt is his ego?