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Going through a very hard breakup. Any support would be amazing.


heartbroken

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Hi Everyone,

 

I'm looking for some support, and I've been on here before, and it helped a lot.

 

I've had some terrible luck with guys in my life. I just went through an extremely painful breakup last summer.

I decided to do some traveling a few months after that breakup happened. Just to experience something different.

After my last breakup, I wasn't really looking for anything. Just travel, have fun.

I've been traveling since September (still am). And recently just started dating a guy that i met - who's also a traveler.

We had been together almost 3 months. It all moved very fast. Seeing eachother almost everyday. Him staying at mine, me at his. We just took a weekend trip together easter weekend. It was all amazing. Both excited to receive a text from eachother, a phone call, see eachother, even if we just parted ways 2 hours ago.

It all fell into place very easily.

And, sure, it was only 3 months, everyone says that. But i think its true that its not the length, its the quality of the relationship and the feelings that were there.

 

He broke up with me over the weekend. Saying that i deserve better, all he does is hurt me, all we do is fight. And it just doesn't feel right for him. He's knows in his heart that we're not good together and he can't ignore that feeling.

I tried talking to him. I felt so pathetic bcuz it felt like i was basically begging him to give us another shot. he said he has, he's given it 3 months.

there was nothing i could do or say to have him give our relationship another shot.

 

I'm having a crazy hard time dealing with this because, we didn't fight. It was amazing how good we were together.

There had been a few instances where he might do something, and i'd just say "you wouldn't like it if i did that." and hed be like "you're right!". and we'd be fine. or vice versa. we always said one of the things we loved about our relationship was if anything bother one of us, we'd just bring it up, right away, rationally, talk about it, and move on - which can be a difficult thing to find in relationships.

I see them as normal couple/relationship discussions. And then you're fine. It's all about getting to know eachother.

 

All in all, i just feel devastated. I don't understand.

No matter how hard other breakups have been, I always know that it's for the best because there are fundamental problems, or we weren't compatible.

and there's nothing i can do. he's made up his mind. and i realize i have to accept it, there's no other choice.

 

Guess I'm just looking for a bit of support, or advice, or anything i guess.

i should forget about him. but i can't.

i should move on, but i feel like he is such a great match for me.

i'm trying so hard not to contact him (i haven't), but part of me feels the need to.

and a big part of me is just hoping that something will snap in him and he'll realize that he's made a mistake.

 

he has said that i've treated him amazingly, even too good. that i'm an amazing person and deserve better, and i'll find someone who treats me right.

but we just don't work as a couple. bcuz "all we do is fight".

i've had fights before with bfs...and that was not what we had.

 

Sorry,

this is a rant. this just happened yesterday morning. and so many thoughts are going through my head.

 

thank you for anyone who has the patience to read this and respond.

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I tried talking to him. I felt so pathetic bcuz it felt like i was basically begging him to give us another shot. he said he has, he's given it 3 months.

there was nothing i could do or say to have him give our relationship another shot.

 

I think I can relate with you on this, because I was trying to save my just gone relationship as well. Because to be at the time, the reason was not worth it for a breakup, and as all mighty women, we believe things can eventually work out.

 

But in the end, if the other person is so inconsiderate, and can't appreciate for your presence and for what you've shared with them, then they don't deserve to receive your affection.

 

I'm having a crazy hard time dealing with this because, we didn't fight. It was amazing how good we were together.

There had been a few instances where he might do something, and i'd just say "you wouldn't like it if i did that." and hed be like "you're right!". and we'd be fine. or vice versa. we always said one of the things we loved about our relationship was if anything bother one of us, we'd just bring it up, right away, rationally, talk about it, and move on - which can be a difficult thing to find in relationships.

I see them as normal couple/relationship discussions. And then you're fine. It's all about getting to know eachother..

 

Sound like, he hasn't been totally honest with you in this relationship. He tried to put out a civil face, in inside he might had been reacted differently. Or he is just picking on excuse to break it off with you. Once again, it shows that he is not dedicated or committed with this relationship, even if you still tag along with him, but eventually it will still heading for the down fall, so the earlier you break it off, the better. You don't want to be wasting any more times and effort on a person who thinks you're less important than him.

 

All in all, i just feel devastated. I don't understand.

No matter how hard other breakups have been, I always know that it's for the best because there are fundamental problems, or we weren't compatible.

and there's nothing i can do. he's made up his mind. and i realize i have to accept it, there's no other choice...

 

Just cry, if yours love one is not around you, then just hold on to something tightly then cry all you want. Afterward, go to the mirror and have a look at the person in there, she is the one that deserve all your love. So loves her more by smile more and go out there to enjoy life more. You are travelling, so focus on the new place and experience everything you can get your hand to.

 

You can do it, the girl in the mirror believes that you can do it.

 

*BIG HUGS*

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thank you newbie2010

 

i really appreciate your insight.

 

i just feel really pathetic for basically begging some guy i care so much about to give us another chance. that discussions in a relationship are normal, and we ARE great together.

i feel like now, maybe he thinks i'm crazy ! like, the actually breaking up with me went on for hours bcuz i just didn't want to accept it.

and now i worry that he will never regret this decision.

he said he wouldn't. he said he'll be sad, but in his heart he'll know that he made the right decision.

he said that i'm an amazing person. and he'd still like to be friends. but we can't talk for at least a week. but then i noticed last night that he deleted me off facebook. i'm assuming he probably deleted my phone number from his phone too then. and since we're traveling, with unfamiliar #s, i highly doubt he remembers mine of by heart. so...if he wanted to still remain in contact,...and be friends...how does he plan on it ??

 

why would he do that ?

does he think that i'm gunna be a horrible person and like post things on fb, like pics of us and tag him. even though we're not together.

or is it something like he doesn't want to see what i'm up to ?

 

i know i'm just having all these thoughts and questions and wonders. and i know i shouldnt do this to myself. but its just how my brain works.

i think and worry and wonder.

 

i just want him to regret doing this. i want him to realize that he made a mistake. that i was amazing to him. and that we had a solid, great relationship.

 

just feeling really sad, confused, lost.

and it doesn't help that i'm traveling and don't really have a support system.

 

any more thoughts and advice or support would be soooo great right now.

 

thank you

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i should mention that we are both adults. 25 & 26. so i would think he'd think we're mature enough that we can deal with the breakup and not have to hurt eachother more by deleting off facebook and such.

and i feel that since he said he still wants to be friends, etc, and he broke my heart, if anything, i should be the one cutting HIM out.

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i just feel really pathetic for basically begging some guy i care so much about to give us another chance. that discussions in a relationship are normal, and we ARE great together.

 

Don’t worry you’re not pathetic, what you are going through is normal, and exactly what I was going through about a week ago as well. I think you just need time and space at the moment, most of all, believe that you are still you and it’s the guy who will be missing out opportunity to spend his time with a great person. You’re not losing anything when removing yourself from a person who is careless and selfish.

 

and now i worry that he will never regret this decision.

 

He will let you know one way or the other if he does regret it, and start seeing the valuable point in you. Defriended from FB doesn’t mean that he can’t search for you on FB ever again and request to befriend again. But the bottom line is, would you still want him back if in another 3 months time, he’s going to put you through the same crap because he hasn’t seen the need for you again.

 

he said he wouldn't. he said he'll be sad, but in his heart he'll know that he made the right decision.

 

*Rephrase* Some men are naturally at lying, and unfortunately the particular male in this story tend to have a very similar pattern to a liar.They are very good at twisting what they really have in there mind to say it out differently. Has it ever cross your mind that he’s might be attracting to another female traveler. I know it hurts to think about it, but once again, if the guy doesn’t want to be with you, then he doesn’t deserve you.

 

he said that i'm an amazing person. and he'd still like to be friends. but we can't talk for at least a week. but then i noticed last night that he deleted me off facebook. i'm assuming he probably deleted my phone number from his phone too then. and since we're traveling, with unfamiliar #s, i highly doubt he remembers mine of by heart. so...if he wanted to still remain in contact,...and be friends...how does he plan on it ??

does he think that i'm gunna be a horrible person and like post things on fb, like pics of us and tag him. even though we're not together.

or is it something like he doesn't want to see what i'm up to ?

 

Once again, coming back to my upper view, he might be hurry to delete you off his FB because he doesn’t want you to see that he cheated on you, lied to you and he’s with another person now. Be friends later or not, that’s in the future, but at the moment, you need to remove yourself from him. It might be or might not be that he doesn’t want to see what you are up to, but it’s could be because he doesn’t want you to see what he’s up to. I know it hard because your mind wondered back to the good time and then you kept asking the “What if?” question and even start blaming yourself for not doing certain thing differently. But I’m a big believer in faith and everything happened for a reason.

 

i know i'm just having all these thoughts and questions and wonders. and i know i shouldnt do this to myself. but its just how my brain works.

i think and worry and wonder.

 

Unfortunately, it’s the innate thing for female to worry and wonder. I’m no different. I’m 28 so I had more time worry and wonder than you. 

 

I just want him to regret doing this. i want him to realize that he made a mistake. that i was amazing to him. and that we had a solid, great relationship.

 

So do you really want to be with him again based on how he treated you or do you want him to feel sorry as an act of revenge? I was in the same shoes. My relationship was very short 4 months, but I do love the person, because technically he’s my 1st love, that will never be replaced. We broke off, well he broke off after we had our first silence fight, and I didn’t see it was coming at all. I still see so much ground in the relationship that we can work on to save it. But then again, I can’t do it all by myself, he needs to recognize that and be willing to put in his efforts, but once a guy said or acted like he can’t bother, it really means, he can’t be bother. Once again, he just doesn’t know what he’s missing out of.

 

just feeling really sad, confused, lost.

and it doesn't help that i'm traveling and don't really have a support system.

 

I know how scary feeling alone can be. I’m surrounded by family and friends, but they are too sensitive, talking to them would only cause them to worry and then it will stress me up more, therefore I had and am going through the letting go/moving on process by myself and love to help another broken soul as well.

It you want to add me in FB and see what I’m going through to get pass this, then PM me, I’ll give my name for you to look up.

 

Just remember, you are never alone. Lots of people out there are going through what you are going through. Be positive, focus on good rewarding things.

 

Take care

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Men are the biggest LIARs, the ability to lie comes naturally. (Sorry to all the guy readers, no offence). They are very good at twisting what they really have in there mind to say it out differently

 

This is a really unhealthy view of the opposite gender. This gentleman in particular may fit the bill, but but extending hyperbole to the entire sex is dangerous. We've all been wronged and scorned, but let's not misplace our anger here.

 

[quote name=heartbroken

why would he do that ?[/quote]

 

You won't like this answer, but there's really no knowing. It never stops us from torturing ourselves with speculation, but there's virtually no way of learning without going to the source itself--an idea I hope you recognize would do far more harm than good.

 

Look at it like this: if he wants to contact you in some way, shape, or form he'll find a way to do it. It's not like you're changing your name any time soon. In the meanwhile, you now have one less temptation in your life.

 

Nothing will change the heartache but time and an active desire to be happy. That may elude you now, but it won't forever.

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This is a really unhealthy view of the opposite gender. This gentleman in particular may fit the bill, but but extending hyperbole to the entire sex is dangerous. We've all been wronged and scorned, but let's not misplace our anger here.

 

I do apologize if I did offend you, it was more or less a generalization, based on what I've seen in my life. Unfortunately have not since a decent "gentleman" ever in my time so far. Sad, but when you consider that the men in the city that I'm living were voted "Worst husbands in the World." You can see where I'm coming from.

 

But incase I'm going to offend more people. Let me rephrase my words.

 

"Some men are naturally at lying, and unfortunately the particular male in the story posted by the thread starter tend to have a very similar pattern to a liar."

 

So be fair, some women also lie, I know that too!

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he would never cheat. i know that.

he's not interested in anyone else.

i could feel his love for me and his dedication and commitment to me when we were together.

it was just all of a sudden this week, he just started saying that all he does is hurt me. and he can't handle that anymore. he has an amazing girl, who does anything for him, and he just hurts her.

when, he wasn't even hurting me. just normal discussions ppl in relationships have. clarifying things. discussing things.

that's it. nothing ever made me upset or anythign. he was verrrry compatible with me, and had all the amazing qualities i was so grateful to find in someone. (him!)

 

he rarely uses fb. he didn't even have a wall at first. when we started dating, he added his wall. when we broke up, he took it away again.

we never even posted to eachother's fb.

like, if he thinks i'm an amazing person ... you'd think he'd want to give me a bit of time, to get over him. and then contact me.

that's what he did with his ex. he has wanted to stay in contact with her. didnt delete her on fb. even tho he said that when he was with her, he could never be himself, and that she always got mad at him for everything and anything.

 

i guess even if he came back to me (which he won't) (ive never seen/heard someone sooo sure about ending something). no, i think i know i couldn't be with him. as much as i have my moments that i think we're great together ... i guess even if that could be the case again - back to us being great together ... he still broke up with me.

 

i guess maybe im just worried that the way i acted when he tried to break up with me. crying and crying, telling him it cant be over, saying to him not to leave. this went on for hours. maybe that took away from everything good he saw in me before. maybe ppl have told him "woah, she's crazy".

i look back and as i said, feel pathetic for acting like that. i've never done that before.

i apologized when it was happening for how i was acting. and he said "dont apologize !!! im breaking up with you and you still want to be with me. and you care. id on't know why you still care about me. but you do. don't be sorry"

but maybe all that was BS. or he's changed his mind now.

 

i just have this problem with worrying about what is going through the other persons' head after a breakup.

and "The Wheel"., you're soooo right that i will never know. but my brain still goes there, and still wonders what the most likely scenario is.

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I do apologize if I did offend you, it was more or less a generalization, based on what I've seen in my life.

 

I was hardly offended. I was concerned you actually believed what you wrote. There are plenty of good men and women in the world to be found.

 

i look back and as i said, feel pathetic for acting like that. i've never done that before.

 

What's done is done and regret will only make your stomach hurt. Just try to remember it next time you find yourself in a situation like that.

 

There are plenty of people in your life that will tell you to buck up and move on: you're better than him, you deserve better, and so on. I won't claim to know what's best for you, but what I do know is it sounds like this is something that is currently out of your reach right now.

 

So what can you do?

 

Telling you to stop thinking about is as useful as telling a [insert force of nature] to stop [doing its nature-y thing]. And we all know it gets better with time, so that's no good.

 

So what will help?

 

Well, as cliche as it is: be active. Quiet time for introspection is the enemy. I won't tell you to join the Cult of Busy and obsessively schedule your time, but having things to do will engage your mind. You say you're traveling? This is a wonderful and awful situation to be dealing with this. I don't need to explain the awful, but you have a chance to experience some new things and make some new friends.

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i guess maybe im just worried that the way i acted when he tried to break up with me. crying and crying, telling him it cant be over, saying to him not to leave. this went on for hours. maybe that took away from everything good he saw in me before. maybe ppl have told him "woah, she's crazy".

i look back and as i said, feel pathetic for acting like that. i've never done that before.

 

You can't change the past, so don't put yourself down for what already happened. However you were in a situation where emotional breakdown is acceptable. So just let it go.

 

Don't pay too much concern on the ex either because he the one who refuses it. So put your care on concerns where it needed most. YOU.

Take one step at a time. May be set small goal to achieve everyday, like day 1, not think about him, day 2, not think about the times you were with him...etc. And distract yourself straight away with something to do it you find your mind was wondering back to him again. You will get through it.

I you haven’t already, I suggest reading the Healing forum in here, it has some great advices that should help you.

 

I was hardly offended. I was concerned you actually believed what you wrote. There are plenty of good men and women in the world to be found.

 

I’m glad I didn’t offend you. But to be honest I do believe in what I wrote. I think life experiences help shaped the belief or perspective of one mind. And unfortunately the number of gents that I’ve met is like 1 out in 100. So my faith in it is quite slack. But I do know and do try to treat everyone fairly and individually. There are good and bad to both sides. But still waiting for the good to come forward and literally turn my belief around.

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I am starting to realise that there is just nothing you can do if someone decides that they don't feel its right and want to break up. Agreed, its very hurtful and also it can come as a real shock, because people are thinking things all the time and not voicing those thoughts and are using that time to try and figure their own thoughts out and what they mean. You should change your thinking around to say to yourself that if someone doesn't want to be with you, then they are not right for YOU, because believe me you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you.

 

And another thing is, it does not mean that there is no-one out there for you, just because this one person does not feel it is right. You are most probably not well enough suited in his eyes. Are you sure there weren't some things there that you could maybe make you agree you weren't suited. Of course, we all hurt in a break-up whether it has to happen or not, because we become attached to that person. Its a very horrible business, but one that will go on til the end of time. But we will always learn a lot from it along the way and become stronger people who will make better decisions in the future for ourselves, ultimately, we will find it easier to make these decisions, because we have to true to ourselves.

 

Don't hate your ex, he is just being honest and cannot help the way he feels. I am sure he never meant to hurt you and is most probably feeling guilty very for that right now.

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i just don't understand why HE would say that i treated him amazing - even TOO good. and that he of course would still want to be friends (not that i think i could). and then he goes and cuts me out.

someone told me that he's been on facebook more frequently. and he deleted the ONE pic that was on there of us. yet, he still has ones of his ex up.

that he's msging ppl. putting status updates. when he never did this before. he said he basically hates facebook.

he knows i cant see any of this, bcuz he has deleted me. so its not like he's trying to make it seem he's okay to ME.

 

it just seems to get more and more confusing to me.

he said i did nothing wrong in the relationship. and that hes treated me like * * * * . and i will hate him soon.

but if that was all true... then y isn't it me having the option of deleting him, or cutting him. why is he the one doing it if he's supposed to be the ass in this, and i'm the good person???

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i am sorry you met such a person, i know how heart broken you must me. my opinion is i think he is a player, he doesn't want any serious relationship now.

 

you must forget him, treat him as an entertainment and now it is over, just like a game.

 

hug you.

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