Feeling a bit of grief tonight, missing the good things even though was right decision..

[mca1975]

I am missing the company tonight, missing talking and the good things like cuddles..... even though he is downstairs.

 

I do feel happier in myself and that my decision was the right one, but there is a little hole inside me which is not being filled now, the price I had to pay for letting go of a bad relationship I guess.

 

Just want to know its normal to feel this.....I guess it is

[mushmouth]

None of us can tell you what's the right way to feel and if its right or wrong to feel that way.

 

What is good is you are posting on this board. Only you know the reasons why it didn't work and why you had to end it. I'm guessing there was real love if you feel something missing. If so, I hope you guys both had a chance to work out whatever the problems were before your decision.

[mca1975]

There were bucket loads of chances, sadly even when I lost our baby, it still wasn't a good enough reason for him to even try to change things. Can't get past it. i tried my hardest to get through to him. My heart is closed from him and won't let him back in, but it doesn't stop me grieving for what could have been and for the nice times we had/the company/the closeness.... SIGH

[misssmithviii]

I'm sorry for your loss but you are better off especially since you are not going to be a doormat.

 

Time will heal your troubles if you let it, and you'll get cuddles again from someone who deserves and earns them someday

 

Best wishes.

[mca1975]

I am dreading this week because its his birthday on Friday. I have taken the day off work to be with him but I won't be going now. I think he has arranged to go out with friends, but I will feel so guilty that day.

 

I had got him some presents, I'm going to return some of them, but one of them I promised him ages ago and its very bulky, so I am thinking I am going to give him that one present and wish him a happy birthday anyway, what can I do? I think I will feel satisfied that I acted kindly if I do that.

[Ms Darcy]

I am dreading this week because its his birthday on Friday. I have taken the day off work to be with him but I won't be going now. I think he has arranged to go out with friends, but I will feel so guilty that day.

 

I had got him some presents, I'm going to return some of them, but one of them I promised him ages ago and its very bulky, so I am thinking I am going to give him that one present and wish him a happy birthday anyway, what can I do? I think I will feel satisfied that I acted kindly if I do that.

 

Yeah, just give him one present and work that day. You are not his girlfriend anymore.

 

Good luck!

[MarmiteCrumpet]

but it doesn't stop me grieving for what could have been and for the nice times we had/the company/the closeness.... SIGH

 

And it is this that makes is call our decision to end it into question. Well, I am speaking for myself, but I think for many others too.

 

Is so much easier when one is 100% glad to be out of the relationship because ALL OF IT was awful - even if only at the end.

 

I am in the same boat so can't offer a lot of advice, but I am following your posts to see how you are coping. FWIW, I think you are being very mature and ethical about your situation.

[mca1975]

And it is this that makes is call our decision to end it into question. Well, I am speaking for myself, but I think for many others too.

 

Is so much easier when one is 100% glad to be out of the relationship because ALL OF IT was awful - even if only at the end.

 

I am in the same boat so can't offer a lot of advice, but I am following your posts to see how you are coping. FWIW, I think you are being very mature and ethical about your situation.

 

Thank you, I appreciate that. Its a huge thing I am doing, but I know it is definitely the right choice, Each day that passes, I am getting surer and am really starting to see his true colours.

[Batya33]

It all sounds normal to me. Are you sure you're being 100% honest with yourself about your part in why things didn't work out? It might help you in moving on and for your next relationship.

 

I would not give him the present - that likely will give both of you additional excuses to talk when it's too soon to talk, you're both too vulnerable. He is going out with his friends which is a great plan for him.

[mca1975]

Batya, I tried my hardest with this relationship but I now realise that there was something holding me back and now I know what that was. I am the first one ALWAYS to look at myself and try and make changes and I have been doing this all along, because I have/used to have low self-esteem. Well I can tell you that I havent any more, because I know I am a good person and that I know I CAN have a normal relationship now. He has made me see that.

 

I feel like I never even knew him now. The depth of his selfishness is so immense. He doesnt even think its wrong to be so selfish, which is no surprise considering his mother. I have never met someone as selfish and self-centered as him who only thinks about his own feelings. He is pathetic and just feels sorry for himself. I tell him that I feel under pressure from him and have felt slightly controlled like I had to be home by a certain time, even getting anxious belly ache from it and what did he say - he said "that's your problem" - nah, you don't do that when you love someone, you don't rubbish their feelings and tell them they are just stupid, you care (a word he doesn't even know the meaning of, though he can pretend for sure).

 

I cannot stand him. I applaud myself for putting up with him for so long and for getting over losing the baby on my own (because he never even supported me after that emotionally - he sat there on the laptop every night just ignoring me) and starting my new stressful job since after Christmas, all at the same time - and he tells me that he has had a hard time recently. Pathetic.

[Ms Darcy]

I'm not going to negate anything you say about him right now. Take your time and your distance to heal. Perhaps in the future you might rethink some of your assessments, but for now the bottom line is that it needed to end because you weren't happy and you tried your best. There is nothing mroe that you can do otherwise.

[mca1975]

I'm not going to negate anything you say about him right now. Take your time and your distance to heal. Perhaps in the future you might rethink some of your assessments, but for now the bottom line is that it needed to end because you weren't happy and you tried your best. There is nothing mroe that you can do otherwise.

 

I'm sorry, I know I'm just hashing it out. Of course, I am looking at myself and wondering if I did something wrong, but I think at the end of the day, it hasn't worked between us and to keep trying is keeping us both unhappy.

 

Thanks for the insight. x