Boyfriend is way too indecisive

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

What is this really worth in the grand scheme of things? You've admitted that you love him and everything like that; you certainly keep it in mind, but things like this tend to drive a wedge in between people when it really isn't the biggest deal in the world.

 

This could be as simple as a little bit of "training". When you ask about something and he continues to not offer insight or seem to have any ideas and is just appeasing you, do not engage him.

 

You: What do you want to do today?

Him: Idk, whatever you want.

You: I'm going to go to the beach, give me a call when you think of something you'd like to do. I'd like to spend time with you today, but I won't keep making plans for us without your input.

 

I think if he feels he is making you happy by letting you run the show, it could be time for you to step back. You might not realize if you're being dominating or something.

[hers]

i know you're right, ISHy. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm so mean and dumb like this. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. It's not a big deal. I'm just letting stupid things get to me and build up.

 

How do you go about accepting the quirks and eccentricities and even little annoyances of your partner?

[Cognitive_Canine]

i know you're right, ISHy. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm so mean and dumb like this. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. It's not a big deal. I'm just letting stupid things get to me and build up.

 

How do you go about accepting the quirks and eccentricities and even little annoyances of your partner?

 

You stop spending so much time together and then really miss all those little quirks and annoyances.

[hers]

You stop spending so much time together and then really miss all those little quirks and annoyances.

 

maybe that's what it is. we do spend a LOT of time together. Mondays we don't get to see each other b/c of my work schedule but all the other days we are able to be together and we take advantage of that. Maybe it's getting to be too much?

[Cognitive_Canine]

maybe that's what it is. we do spend a LOT of time together. Mondays we don't get to see each other b/c of my work schedule but all the other days we are able to be together and we take advantage of that. Maybe it's getting to be too much?

 

Perhaps you are. I'd try getting a little project on that takes some of your time up. Or, go away on a trip for a weekend.

 

Pretty soon after being a part (even just emotionally, if you are too busy) you'll miss their quirks the most.

[hers]

i have been wanting to go visit my sister soon but i don't know when i'm gonna be able to. i wanted to take a few days and go down there. maybe we just need to decompress from each other a little.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

i know you're right, ISHy. I don't know what's wrong with me and why I'm so mean and dumb like this. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn't matter. It's not a big deal. I'm just letting stupid things get to me and build up.

 

How do you go about accepting the quirks and eccentricities and even little annoyances of your partner?

 

It's not that you're being mean and dumb at all, I just think maybe it gets scary when there is a bit of discord, because you want it to work out so much! It may be the good ol' child of an alcoholic syndrome, but I know I tend to focus on the little things that go wrong because I'm afraid things will implode if it isn't always smooth sailing.

 

I think CC is right, maybe a bit of time apart will cool things down. Everyone clashes sometimes.

[hers]

It's not that you're being mean and dumb at all, I just think maybe it gets scary when there is a bit of discord, because you want it to work out so much! It may be the good ol' child of an alcoholic syndrome, but I know I tend to focus on the little things that go wrong because I'm afraid things will implode if it isn't always smooth sailing.

 

I think CC is right, maybe a bit of time apart will cool things down. Everyone clashes sometimes.

 

see i'm so used to crap and drama and things going badly all the time that sometimes i wonder if i purposefuly try to sabotage things when they're going well just so i can have that discontent in my life that keeps me going.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

see i'm so used to crap and drama and things going badly all the time that sometimes i wonder if i purposefuly try to sabotage things when they're going well just so i can have that discontent in my life that keeps me going.

 

I definitely sense I do that sometimes myself, but in any case, it is good you recognize it. There is a balance between not settling on someone who isn't good for you and not nitpicking the little things. Kinda hard to tell sometimes, but you'll be ok.

[hers]

yeah i know. but i just don't want him to start resenting me for it all

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

yeah i know. but i just don't want him to start resenting me for it all

 

That's a good point. People can only take so much criticism. Just try to see your actions through his eyes sometimes and honestly? Genuinely apologize when you feel bad for doing something or get in old habits. It is simple but I'm sure he would appreciate it and may in time learn to be more considerate to you as well.

[hers]

the thing is that i realize i'm being liek that AFTER i do it. it's like I don't realize it till it's already out there. i don't know how to reverse it.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

You need to then really focus on your own behavior and become perceptive to certain patterns. For me, when someone talks about their career or education plans, I get REALLY jealous and cold to them about it. Deep down I'm happy for them, but I act like a witch to them. I am practicing not doing that anymore. It takes time.

[hers]

He just stopped by my house. I'm getting ready to go back to work and he was passing by my house. It was good to see him just for a few minutes b/c we don't get to see each other on mondays usually.