What if he doesn't fancy me anymore?

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys

 

So my husband and I have been married for getting on 2 years and dating 3 years previous to that.

 

My problem is he doesn't seem to notice me as an attractive woman any more. I'm not suggesting i'm super attractive or anything. But I think i'm okay looking and I feel nice when I get dressed up to go out. I often get compliments from others, mainly men. I used to be quite over weight and have lost 100lbs, still have about 14lbs to go but am miles away from that woman I used to be.

 

My husband is a lovely kind mand and a great hubby, we was very supportive through my weight loss, but has always made me feel he would love me, no matter how I look.

 

However recently (for about the part 12-18 months) he doesn't ever compliment me never tells me I look pretty even when i'm all dressed up. When I ask him how I look, he always says Lovely or very nice. But he never offers an opinion.

 

 

I've asked him if he's still attracted to me and he says yes. He assures me he loves me very much. Which I know, I know he loves me. I just don't think he fancys me any more. Do you think this is the case?

 

How can I change that?

 

Sugar xxxx

[Honey Pumpkin]

Do you think that he might have fancied you as a larger woman, and finds it hard now you've lost so much weight? Or were you thinner when you met? That seems to be the most significant change.

[MinziGirl]

I think he knows you too well for who you are and is genuine in his compliments to you.

 

Why do you want that reassurance from him that you are indeed still attractive?

[sophie274]

Is your sex life good?

If so, he likely still finds you very attractive, and is just not giving you compliments. Did he used to compliment you a lot? Giving compliments is one of those little gestures that can fall by the way side in a long-term relationship, and I'd say the best way to bring it back is to compliment HIM (lead by example) and thank him profusely/state how good it makes you feel if he ever does offer a compliment (positive reinforcement), so that he knows how much it means to you.

 

Also, perhaps I'm remembering wrong, but I seem to recall threads that you have deleted about possible infidelity/you wanting to leave/another man being somehow involved? If so, your marriage might still be recovering from that, and that might be why your hubby is not as attentive.

[lavenderdove]

There's an old expression, that familiarity breeds contempt.

 

In this case he is probably just settling into the marriage and is so used to seeing you every day now it doesn't occur to him to compliment you, even if he does find you attractive.

 

I wouldn't worry too much if he still initiates sex with you and your relationship otherwise isn't bickering or unhappy most of the time.

 

Unfortunately, a lot of people start to take their spouse for granted and treat them a lot less 'special' after the initial courtship phase.

 

So i don't think it's that he doesn't fancy you, it's probably that he just thinks you already know he loves you, and he is so familiar with you, he takes you for granted.

[Sugar-Rush]

Hey Guys,

 

Thanks for the replies.

 

Sophie, yes you are right there was another man who was interested in me and this led to me being confused for a period last year. I am over this now and very regretful, nothing actually happed, however it did lead me to question things at home... that said this situation that I am posting about now was the case prior to that.

 

Our sex life is fine, its about 50/50 as to who initiates it. But no problems in that area.

 

Honey Pumpkin, I do not believe it has anything to do with my weight loss as I was smaller when we met, then got bigger and now have gotten smaller again.

 

Thanks Guys xx

[Convict7]

It's easy to take your partner for granted after a few years. I did this not long ago and have been regretting it ever since. It had absolutely nothing to do with her appearance or her personality. I was just getting too comfortable in the relationship and got lazy with the affection. What stinks about it is that it's the opposite of how you feel. I loved her so so much and I didn't even realize I wasn't appreciating her the way she deserved.

 

You need to tell him how you feel and that you need a little bit of the magic to find its way back to the relationship. If he feels anything like how I feel/felt, then it would be no problem to put in more effort and turn up the romance and lovey-dovey stuff again.

[Gath]

Hey Guys,

 

Thanks for the replies.

 

Sophie, yes you are right there was another man who was interested in me and this led to me being confused for a period last year. I am over this now and very regretful, nothing actually happed, however it did lead me to question things at home... that said this situation that I am posting about now was the case prior to that.

 

Our sex life is fine, its about 50/50 as to who initiates it. But no problems in that area.

 

Honey Pumpkin, I do not believe it has anything to do with my weight loss as I was smaller when we met, then got bigger and now have gotten smaller again.

 

Thanks Guys xx

 

It sounds to me like he's just in a typical husband mode of taking you for granted, but his feelings have likely not changed at all.

 

I would just go to him and have a heart to heart talk and let him know that you'd like it he communicated verbally a little more. That knowing how he feels isn't the same as hearing him say it.