What is he doing? Does he want to get back with me or not?

[TwiLight172]

I just can't figure out my ex boyfriend. We had a terrible breakup because he ended up cheating on me (one-night stand) when he was drunk and the fact that he couldn't handle a relationship didn't help matters. We've been in contact through email 4 or 5 times in the course of 4 months. About a week ago he emailed me a friendly catch up email...nothing to do with our relationship. The past emails before that one were always telling me that he missed me and loved me but he couldn't be with me. One of them pretty much said he wanted to be friends after "we've both moved on because the feelings are still so fresh". Now yesterday I get this email saying "Good to catch up. I miss you so much. I went to see matchbook romance at the metro Sunday with russ, eric, nirut, and andy. It was a good show, their music makes me think of you and I actually cried at the concert...no one saw though." He confuses me, hurts me, makes me cry because it's always like "yes I love you but i just can't be with you." To me that makes NO sense. What does he want? Is he going to want to get back with me soon? It's been 4 months since we broke up...please help. It's so hard to move on when all he is doing is giving me mixed signals.

[bleeder]

Hi TwiLight172,

 

Judging from what you have mentioned about his behaviour, I think he is in a confused state right now. Or maybe the guilt of carrying out a one-night stand is getting to him. Most people tend to question themselves about their past relationships after the breakups.

 

I suggest that you give him some time. You might want to use the "no contact" rule for now. Though this method has been praised and condemned by many, I personally think it is the best way to get around a break up.

 

Keep us posted.

[TwiLight172]

I think that you are correct in that he is confused. I did try the no contact rule for 3 months then all of a sudden this fourth month we've been emailing each other....through his efforts always...it's never me... I guess I'll just wait and see what happens.

[smiles314]

hey.. my ex did something similiar that yours is doing, but I think he just wanted to feel like he had control of my feelings, and wanted to be wanted. He ended up finding someone else, after throwing me mixed signals for 2 yrs, then dropped me for a week then proceeded to try to hurt me after. I kno this is not about me, but my point is just to not get caught up in all he is saying, actions truly do speak so much louder and it took me so long to realize that. Protect yourself, and i'd say ignore your ex, or tell him to stop or be serious. Just don't get caught in that web,,, I did, and I just wouldnt want you to get as hurt as I had. These guys need to step up or get lost in my opinion.

[TrueHeart]

Mmm, sounds to me like yes he's confused. Sometimes, people do things out of spite because they're hurt. Since its been 3-4 months, he's probably testing the waters.. You can guarentee that he's sad and has thought about what he's done, but I understand when you say that all he does is hurt you by saying "i love you but I dont want to be with you"

 

The NO CONTACT rule might have been a great after-effect pending this 1 night stand.. Perhaps you might need to spend a little bit more time TALKING to him about things, instead of letting him pour his heart out. Ask him questions, but none that will spark an argument. Its hard because there are a lot of tender things that can cause one, especially now.

 

I think he's thought about getting back with you, yes... Mostly, what YOU need to do is just analyze things a little bit. Do you really want him back after he did that? Could you trust him getting drunk again without you? If you feel he's worth forgiving, then tell him... If not, perhaps keeping him at a friendships-distance is probably all for the better..