I lost my friend. I really need help.

[dc1100]

I am really confused right now, feeling alone and lonely. I don't know what just happened. I don't know where to start with my story, but still hoping someone could understand it coz I really need some advice.

 

It all started when my bestfriend's gf talked to me, seeking advice about their relationship. We got really close to each other. She really loves him, that's all what I realized. Knowing that, I always gave her advice on how to fix their problems since I really know my bestfriend. For months, we talked from morning and before going to sleep. Although, we don't see each other that much, we got really close. We always keep in touch with each other thru texts & calls. At first, I just couldn't believe it; we have a lot of things in common, from movies we watch, music we listen and almost everything. But what I love the most is how much caring and thoughtful she is. I always treat her special. Tired from work, I always stay up and talk with her coz I dont want to leave her alone especially when she’s having bad dreams. When she’s lonely and heart broken, I don’t sleep, just staying up waiting for her to text me. That time, I think I am falling for her, but the fact that she is my bestfriend's gf, I tried to avoid her. I tried to avoid my feelings. We didn't have a communication for a few days. I didn't reply on her messages and didn't answer her calls. She got worried, left me a message, asking if I was mad at her or something. She asked a common friend of our, if I was all right. Feeling guilty and anxious about it, I talked to her and told I was just busy. We continued talking to each other like before, and I was just falling in love. I was really happy 'coz she's always there. Then after a few months or so, they had a really big misunderstanding. My bestfriend left her for months. I just couldn't take it, so I always stayed beside her, checking her if she's all right. She told me about what happened, talked about their misunderstanding and base on how much I knew my bestfriend, I think she's telling me the truth. It has been like a cycle, they had misunderstandings-left her-then she takes him back again. It's been killing me for months, I really love her and there's nothing I can do about it. I didn't want them to break-up; all I wanted is to have a change about their relationship because all she did was forgive him by just saying "sorry". Last week, they had this misunderstanding; he got so mad and told so much that hurt her feelings. We talked over the phone, she was crying. My heart was really broken. Yes! It's a cycle, after a few days, he said "sorry" and that's it, their together again! I felt bad about her decision; I couldn't hide my disappointment on her. I just said "good luck".

 

For the past few months, I just wanted to let go my feelings for her and everytime I tried to move on, seems that chance won't let me. Those times she had troubles, she needed me and I needed to be there that's what I felt, that's what my heart says. But what hurts me most now is, it seems that she's avoiding me. These past few days, I felt that she doesn't want to talk to me anymore, late replies and so many excuses. She told me she's been busy coz she's doing something but a friend told me she saw her online. I felt really bad and heart broken coz it feels like she's not the one I used to know before. The caring has gone, the closeness we had. I really missed my old friend, the old her, caring, loving and understanding. I am having some personal problems lately, I asked her if we could talk and I just needed some company. She didn't replied that night, I even saw her online. So heart broken, I remember her as a caring person, she doesn't leave me alone when I'm in pain, she has always been there. The next day, she said sorry she couldn't reply, she was busy and told me some lame excuses. She even told me that she'll get even busier the next few weeks. Without even asking what was my problem why I needed a company badly that night, she just said good bye, take care, and just left me a message if you have problems. I don't know if she already knows my feelings for her and I think it's most probably the reason why she's been avoiding me but all I wanted is her company, my old friend who's always there when I needed her. I never left her. I miss her so much.

 

I promised to myself as soon as she's fine and happy, I will start to stop these feelings for her. I will remain a as a friend and wouldn't ruin anything. But she already left me. I lost my friend. She's gone. I miss her so much. They think I am a tough guy, tough as nails, no problems, easy but I am very emotional, and I cry a lot. That's why I made this thread, I am really alone. Crying everynight, praying she'll be back. I just wanted to know why would she leave me all of a sudden, why would she avoid me?

 

 

Why do you have to leave me? I am sorry if I did something wrong. I miss you so much. If you won't be back, I will always treasure the memories we had. Please be safe always, I hope you're happy right now. I wish you all the best in life.

-rhopsialphanu

[eggplant47]

You may disagree... but what you have with her now is a far healthier relationship than what was going on before. It is clear that whatever problems they have, she is in love with her boyfriend. You say that this person is your best friend's girlfriend so that means some where along the way a line was crossed that shouldn't have been & your relationship with her became far too intimate. It is clear that she is now trying to distance herself from you. I'm am sorry for the pain this has caused you but I think that given the situation, it was unavoidable.

 

If you're going through a difficult time, why not talk with the male half of the couple you also refer to as your best friend? Or the other friend you mention in your thread?

 

I know her insensitivity hurts now, but I think eventually you will come to see she has made the right decision.

[dc1100]

Thanks for the reply.

I know I crossed the line, Yes, I blame myself for letting this happen. I was just really enjoying her company. I was so happy because somehow she made me feel important. It really hurts, when she left me, when I really need her. Hope it didn't end this way, I love her, but I won't do anything about it. I just missed her as a friend.

 

Anyway, she's the "friend" I was talking about. I am sorry about that, i couldn't explain it well. I couldn't talk to my bestfriend, I am feeling guilty for what I did, and besides where not really that talking lately since I moved to my place.

[Capricorn3]

I agree with mar_tini78. She was never your's to begin with and it's best you remind yourself of that. She's with another guy and that means out of bounds. If she wanted to be with you then she would have broken off with her boyfriend and stayed with you. She's chosen to be with her b/f.

 

If she's avoiding you it's probably for the best for all of you.

[dc1100]

I agree with mar_tini78. She was never your's to begin with and it's best you remind yourself of that. She's with another guy and that means out of bounds. If she wanted to be with you then she would have broken off with her boyfriend and stayed with you. She's chosen to be with her b/f.

 

If she's avoiding you it's probably for the best for all of you.

 

thanks I understand. It hurts me more, when I really need her company and she left me. I just couldn't understand some other things. I really missed what we have shared.

[eggplant47]

Thanks for the reply.

I know I crossed the line, Yes, I blame myself for letting this happen. I was just really enjoying her company. I was so happy because somehow she made me feel important. It really hurts, when she left me, when I really need her. Hope it didn't end this way, I love her, but I won't do anything about it. I just missed her as a friend.

 

Anyway, she's the "friend" I was talking about. I am sorry about that, i couldn't explain it well. I couldn't talk to my bestfriend, I am feeling guilty for what I did, and besides where not really that talking lately since I moved to my place.

 

It is unfortunate that she (we'll call her A) wasn't able to be there for you even in the capacity of a friend... but chances are things would just have gotten out of hand.

 

Actually, I was wondering if you could talk to the other friend you mentioned? The one who told you that she saw A online?

[dc1100]

It is unfortunate that she (we'll call her A) wasn't able to be there for you even in the capacity of a friend... but chances are things would just have gotten out of hand.

 

Actually, I was wondering if you could talk to the other friend you mentioned? The one who told you that she saw A online?

 

I tried to talk to that other friend, but I got no reply from her. She's the only one who knows about my feelings about A. I don't know if she told A about that, since their really close. I just don't know. It's my mistake talking about my feelings to that friend, I am not really sure about it.

[dc1100]

It adds more because that other friend doesn't even reply to my messages. I really don't know what's happening.

[eggplant47]

It adds more because that other friend doesn't even reply to my messages. I really don't know what's happening.

 

Maybe friend B told A how you have been feeling about her and that is what triggered A to pull away from you.

 

I know it seems cold but it is possible that they both had your best interest at heart... A may not want to lead you on & B may be uncomfortable talking to you about it since she's so close to A. Especially if she's been sharing info. about your feelings with A. Let's hope, if she did so, it's because she was concerned about you getting hurt or A permanently damaging her relationship.

[dc1100]

Maybe friend B told A how you have been feeling about her and that is what triggered A to pull away from you.

 

I know it seems cold but it is possible that they both had your best interest at heart... A may not want to lead you on & B may be uncomfortable talking to you about it since she's so close to A. Especially if she's been sharing info. about your feelings with A. Let's hope, if she did so, it's because she was concerned about you getting hurt or A permanently damaging her relationship.

 

I started talking to B when A wasn't answering my calls, got so worried. I thought something might happened with her bf (i was right, they really had a fight again). Then B asked me if why do I care so much with A, I told her I am really worried, I treat all my friends just like A. Then B told me, "just stay beside her, she just wants to feel special, just take care of her". I don't know why she told me that. B even tells me about how much she's pissed about A's bf. I haven't really admitted to B when she asked me about my feelings for A. She told me, "just continue being there for her, and maybe somehow she'll appreciate what your'e doing for her".

[eggplant47]

I started talking to B when A wasn't answering my calls, got so worried. I thought something might happened with her bf (i was right, they really had a fight again). Then B asked me if why do I care so much with A, I told her I am really worried, I treat all my friends just like A. Then B told me, "just stay beside her, she just wants to feel special, just take care of her". I don't know why she told me that. B even tells me about how much she's pissed about A's bf. I haven't really admitted to B when she asked me about my feelings for A. She told me, "just continue being there for her, and maybe somehow she'll appreciate what your'e doing for her".

 

I think there's a very, very good chance that B knew exactly how you were feeling. I knew just a few lines into your post that you were in love with this girl. People are usually pretty easy to read and not to sound sexist... but most women are really good at picking up that kind of thing.

 

And it's true.. B may very well HATE A's boyfriend but there is probably very little she can do about it. And I sympathize with both of you having been there myself!

[dc1100]

I think there's a very, very good chance that B knew exactly how you were feeling. I knew just a few lines into your post that you were in love with this girl. People are usually pretty easy to read and not to sound sexist... but most women are really good at picking up that kind of thing.

 

And it's true.. B may very well HATE A's boyfriend but there is probably very little she can do about it. And I sympathize with both of you having been there myself!

 

Thanks for replying. I just hope I can move on fast since I really felt bad about it. First, I lost A and secondly I betrayed my bestfriend. I am really sad, now she has to avoid me. I'm really stupid, It's all my fault.

[minou]

you made a mistake. Don't beat yourself up for it, just move on and learn from it. In the future, if a friends's bf comes to you for advice encourage her to talk things over with her bf. That is really the fair thing to do for their relationship. you were depriving them of a crucial part of their relationship. Working things out together. Sorry, but I think you interfered too much. maybe she has made a choice to invest her emotional energy and thoughts about their relationship, where it belongs, with her bf. Maybe she realizes you had feelings for her and is doing the right thing. What about your best friend, her bf? Can't you develop that relationship again? Sorry you are feeling so sad right now. I hope the next time you fall in love, it is with someone available. If you find yourself having feelings for someone who is not next time, cut it off. If you really care about her, let her emotional energy be channeled to the one she wants to be with.

[dc1100]

Thanks for the reply. I always tell her that they should talk about their differences. I never wished her to break up with him 'coz I know how much she loves him and if she's in pain it hurts me more. This is all my fault, I can't blame anyone. I am still trying to move on, just missing her company.

[mca1975]

There are other girls out there who will be this caring towards you.