My Father

[Mr. Rosewater]

I have an unhealthy relationship with my father. I believe it is rooted in 2 things: genetically predisposed differences in our personalities and the fact that he has always been CONSUMED by his complulsions that are symptoms of an extreme case of ADHD exacerbated by low self esteem and issues with his relationship with his father. This self absorption resulted in NO father/son bonding at all. It was always about him...it still is.

 

I never talk to him, there is not a natural desire to. I know a lot of the problems I have with male relations in my adult life are a direct result of my relationship with him. I feel like I need to reconcile with him in some way but I know he doesn't have the vocabulary to talk about things in the way I need to.

 

How do I deal with him? What is the most noble approach?

[Hermes]

Prehaps have a look here:

link removed

 

Hermes

[TechResQ]

There is an old saying that rings so true... "We can't choose our parents" What ever issues our parents may have, they are theirs. That doesn't mean you have to accept them or even deal with them. I realize you would like to have a closer relationship, but sometimes that's just not possible, unfortunately.

 

Have you been to a counselor about your feelings? If not, it may be a very good place to start dealing with the way this is affecting you.

 

I'm sorry.

[Seraphim]

There is an old saying that rings so true... "We can't choose our parents" What ever issues our parents may have, they are theirs. That doesn't mean you have to accept them or even deal with them. I realize you would like to have a closer relationship, but sometimes that's just not possible, unfortunately.

 

Have you been to a counselor about your feelings? If not, it may be a very good place to start dealing with the way this is affecting you.

 

I'm sorry.

 

I think this is a good suggestion. Resolve the issue within yourself. I do not have a good relationship with my father either. It is mostly like not going to get better between him and myself. I just accept this and so does he. I would try resolving it inside yourself and you will find when you let go of bitterness,anger and resentment you actually CAN have a better relationship with your parents. I just had to set in my mind that my dad and his problems need understanding and compassion and forgiveness. It helped ME the most and it helped him too.