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She won't leave me alone


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I split with my girlfriend of 18 months in January, we were living together but I knew it wasn't right for me. I liked her but I didn't love her so I know I did the right thing for me.

She knows I don't love but she just won't give it up, she was sending me emails more as a friend so I stayed in touch, then she wanted to meet up as she had something important to tell me, I declined but I know it was about saying sorry and wanting to get back with me.

Then the other day she left messages on my phone about an urgent thing she wanted to discuss, I didn't reply.

So yesterday she turns up at my house uninvited, wanting to get back with me, I told her again that I don't want this.

Each time she tells me that I won't see her again, but she keeps coming back, is there anything I can do? She obviously knows where I live so it's difficult to hide.

She makes me nervous now I just don't understand how someone can want to get back with someone who doesn't want them, I just don't get it.

Any advice?

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She can't let go. You have to be firm and refuse to see/speak to her. No contact. You may feel guilty about this because she will get very upset, but you can't help it if you dont love her anymore.



i agree with mca1975. Was she in love with you? If so, she probably doesn't want to let you go and cant come to terms with it. Go no contact. Be firm if she just shows up.


Can i ask tho, in those 18 months did you ever tell her that you loved her?

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Well I had this done to me and I agree it can be a bit overwhelming and scary at the time, but I have also done it to someone else in the past though I wouldnt do that now (I dont think!), I think it is quite common. But yeh the only way forward is to be firm and have no contact.

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I wouldn't go as far as calling her a Bunny Boiler, seriously people these days throw words around as if they are nothing.


Only thing you can do is make it clear and be firm that you do not want anything more with her and it's over. Ignore her in every possible way and change your number. She will give up. Trust me!


I did with my ex, and I regret a lot of what I did. It was pointless and silly. She will learn, she is just hurt. You can't always expect people to just say "okay" and move on. Relationships take time to develop, and it takes time to end it and move on. You didn't fall in love in a day, so can't expect someone to fall out of love in one day either.

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Bunny Boiler. Avoid all contact with her, change your phone number, log everything she does just in case you have to get a restraining order on her.


I find this comment a bit harsh and upsetting!


Its difficult to turn off feelings for somebody and let go as the majority of people on here know.


I've put myself in a very similar postion to your ex - although my situation is extrememly different involving a man who strang me along, cheated and never comunicated with me, but I can apprecieate how she is feeling.


What you need to do is cut all contact completely, but before you do make sure you are clear to her that its well and truly over and your moving on.

After this never reply to any of her messages again, as hard as it is you cannot play the friend card with her - this just gives her a little hope and it will go round in a vicious circle.

She may send you a few messages but just let them wash over you - she is hurting and eventually she will realise she also has to move on and her efforts to contact you will gradually become less.


Its just a time and patience game

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