Having a problem getting through to him..

[Now_what]

I have been with my boyfriend 4 years now. We recently celebrated our 4 anniversary, which he proposed to me. It has been a roller coaster relationship. We have a daughter together who was a surprise. She is one. I said yes to the engagement, but im wandering if we'll be able to mend our relationship for the long haul. We argue often, but our my main problem is his lack of providing for us. He is jobless, and has been since before i was pregnant. He says he wants a job, but I wander some times. I work full time pay all the bills etc. He does some temp work here and there but i feel like he should be doing more. He wasnt taught to be a provider in fact his whole family includingf his mother doesnt have jobs, and have always lived off some one. I do believe he wants a job, but hes always getting mad at me for getting on to him bout it.

 

We get into daily arguements about it because he says all I do is complain, but really im really getting tired of it and he just doesnt get it. I dont want to leave him I really love him and would like to see us work out but he just doesnt get it. He doesnt try to get a job. Weeks go by and he doesnt even go out to look. He even asks me to look for him, but i feel thats not my responsibility its his. I just want him to get his crap together.

 

I guess im asking for advice on my situation and a way to make him understand I mean business..

[eggplant47]

Marry him if you want but understand that you'll be getting a dependant and not a partner.

 

He will not change.

[cazmoore]

wow, that's pretty bad. No offense girl, but your fiancee sounds like a lazy slob. Why would he want to work? He's got it made. You work, I bet you make the dinner, you provide him with a roof over his head... it's a pretty comfy spot he has. Is this the sort of man you want to raise your daughter around and have her think that THAT is the type of expectations she should have in the future for a mate?

 

Put your foot down. And as far as you being a NAG - tell him to get a bloody job! You're not a nag, he should be doing cartwheels if you ask him to. Let me tell you, if you could go back a few years from now, and you found out that this was the man that was going to be with you for the rest of your life, would you be okay with that?

 

People do change, only if they want to. You don't need him to raise your child. You can do fine on your own without him. He's seems just like another mouth to feed.

[Memphis81]

He needs a wakeup call in some form. I agree that he sounds comfy in his current situation with you providing for your family. And it definitely isn't your responsibility to be looking for jobs for him. We all know these aren't the greatest times but even if he wasn't finding anything, he should still be giving it his all to find something...anything to help.

 

As a guy, I would feel horrible watching my significant other providing for the both of us while I did nothing to help. Like less of a man. I don't know how to go about that wake up call but threatening to leave is definitely one way. Trying to sit down with him and calmly explaining your thoughts to him is another, but from your post, I'm not sure if that will work. It'll take something big to wake him up.

[sidehop]

He even asks me to look for him, but i feel thats not my responsibility its his. I just want him to get his crap together.

 

He needs to pick up his slack and start looking really hard. I don't know how he was raised but to ask you to look for a job? He needs a serious wake up call.