quirky Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 It's been 9 months since the breakup, some lame reconciliation attempts and the longest time of NC was 9 weeks. My ex wants us to be friends and who knows it might happen with time. Not yet though..I'm not completely over it. I think I have experienced every feeling possible. From the deepest love to absolute hate. I have had my grandiose delusions that he will understand how unique I was and he will come and tell me that life is not worth living without me. The breakup was just a part of a major life transition that I embarked on by my own choice. My life was flat, not unhappy, and I decided to bring everything upside down. I realised yesterday how many things I've done, how much I've learned. I feel freer in a way, I have accepted myself more. I don't feel that close emotional dependency I used to feel with family, friends, partners. After this sad and introverted journey I'm now starting to feel a little ready for love again. How great is that? I fought for this..my natural feelings have been disillusion, lack of trust, crashed spirit, fear..and in that time I was telling myself "NO Quirky, you won't become like that, not you". I'm happy enough to be single but I think I can now welcome a nice man in my life. My ex was the only guy I dated that I felt I couldn't fully trust. So in my case, he WAS the exception, everyone else had been reliable and loving. What is even more great is that I haven't got a list. I'm ready to be surprised That freedom I now feel can also possibly filter into a career move, or a move abroad. I don't know in what area it will be..but I feel more at ease to take a risk again. Just wanted to share the progress Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Hey girl. Good for you! My friend and hairdresser just recommended a book to me called "The Surrendered Single" she read it and started dating and was married within the year. She is so happy, she radiates. I guess that is the next book on my list! Link to comment
Leighton Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 That's amazing, seriously. There are literally millions of people who were in your position and wanted to give up. The fact that you're not is courageous. I wish you the best! Link to comment
testcase Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Hey that is great! Good luck in finding someone awesome! Link to comment
OntheWire Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Congrats. If you have the means to move abroad, then by all means do it. Link to comment
kind of blue Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Terrific post. Sounds like you've grown a lot with you experiences and you've come through it a stronger person, your in a good place to start a new chapter in your life. Its encouraging to read positive posts, shows theres light at the end of a long and very dark tunnel. Link to comment
quirky Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 yeyyy, thank you for your comments My friend and hairdresser just recommended a book to me called "The Surrendered Single" she read it and started dating and was married within the year. She is so happy, she radiates. I'll have a look at it. No online dating really where I live, plus I become paranoid reading all that stuff. I have supressed desires and was scared all this time that now I wanna just be myself. But I'm open to any suggestions as I haven't actually ever dated. Link to comment
OntheWire Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Move to the United States and date me. That's my best idea. Good news is if we don't work out, there are other people here too. Link to comment
Hobbes Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Great post QG! Very happy to hear of this development. I think you are right that it is best to be surprised, no lists, no expectations (well not too much), just be free, play things by ear. Will happen. You have a lot going for you. What a journey though huh.. Link to comment
mirrorman Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Very interesting posting, quirky (by any chance did you take your handle fromlink removed?) I'm skeptical of books which are about sure-fire methods for attracting a spouse. They seem to appeal to desperation, and desperation to me is a giant red flag that other things in one's life probably need attention. Having said that, I wish you luck in your search for new friends and/or a partner. Link to comment
uncomfynumb Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 yeyyy, thank you for your comments I'll have a look at it. No online dating really where I live, plus I become paranoid reading all that stuff. I have supressed desires and was scared all this time that now I wanna just be myself. But I'm open to any suggestions as I haven't actually ever dated. Like with any book or advise, you take what you want and toss the rest. I am in a similar sitution with dating because I have been out of the loop so to speak for many, many years. Just busy. And my last BF was someone that I met at work so it was different. We started off as friends. So I'm relearning and learning more. One thing that my friend mentioned that was in the book was to toss aside your preconcieved notions and methods when it came to dating because face it, if you were so right about it all in the first place, if you were doing it all right, would you even be where you are now, single and alone? Link to comment
quirky Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Congrats. If you have the means to move abroad, then by all means do it. The move would be back to same country/city as my ex. I have avoided it because of the breakup. If nothing else I wanna visit, haven't been there in a year and it was my home for 9 years. It was difficult to stay away..I wanna go there even for a couple of weeks, I think it will be another step to my healing. Link to comment
quirky Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Very interesting posting, quirky (by any chance did you take your handle fromlink removed?) I'm skeptical of books which are about sure-fire methods for attracting a spouse. They seem to appeal to desperation, and desperation to me is a giant red flag that other things in one's life probably need attention. Having said that, I wish you luck in your search for new friends and/or a partner. I very recently discovered the book, it speaks to me in many ways I am sceptical of these books as well..nevertheless some tips I have obtained seem to work. I never knew the concept of taking my time. Link to comment
quirky Posted April 7, 2010 Author Share Posted April 7, 2010 Terrific post. Sounds like you've grown a lot with you experiences and you've come through it a stronger person, your in a good place to start a new chapter in your life. Its encouraging to read positive posts, shows theres light at the end of a long and very dark tunnel. What a journey though huh.. Say that again..I'm not exagerating, I really thought this is the end. From the early days of not eating, no sleeping and crying at least 5 hours a day to my next ultimate low 6 weeks ago where I felt I had no reason to live. I've never faced anything harder. I could write pages and pages of the conclusions I've come to of my behaviour in life, career, relationships. So many unresolved issues and many fears on an emotional level..but I did choose to look at them in the eye and face the monster. And no matter how difficult it's been I'd do it again. It's been like a process of clearing. Of course there's still stuff that is challenging but I've actually realised I can't "fix" everything. What sets me free is to live in the present and understand that there are no guarantees in life, that relaxes me somehow. I could never do that in the past. Link to comment
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