snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Ok, so I broke up with my ex 3 months ago, I am not ready for a relationship yet I just want to have fun with someone who wants the same. Nothing serious yet and no strings attached...so my issue is that everytime I get a girl, she seems all interested and texts me and calls me...but when I mention that I am not ready for anything serious yet they seem to just switch off...they do confirm they dont want anything serious either but just kind of change their attitude towards me...should I even mention this anymore? I dont like to play with peopls feelings thats why i say that up front just to not give false expectations....but it seems like thats not what girls want... Link to comment
Catdancer Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I commend you for being straight up with these girls. It sucks because most girls dont like a player, and by saying that you are not looking for anything serious, they are taking that as "he just wants sex". And that may be true, you may just want sex. That's ok, as long as the girl knows it. So, what a conumdrum! Can you rephrase and say that you are fresh out of a relationship and you've like to date and take things very slow? Link to comment
george237 Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Funny when I tell girls "this isn't going further then what we have", ie sex, they get crazy clingy. Anyways when I see someone as a hookup I will tell them that. IMO if I tell them that then I don't look like an a-hole when I stop calling. Link to comment
DontGetStung Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I have a habit of not saying anything regarding my intentions, and many times, I'm not sure of them myself. I've been trying to break the habit, since it's caused some very hurt feelings in the last year. I don't understand how people can be so hurt, when I've never said how I feel about them though. Link to comment
Springs Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Are these girls that you've been dating saying they're ok with just sex too? If so, then I don't see the problem. Surely, if it's just a no strings thing, then it wouldn't technically matter how they react on an emotional/communicative level? Link to comment
Gabo Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Some girls will be intrigued by you saying that you aren't ready for something and see it as a challenge; other girls will be turned off. I am usually silent about my intentions until it is brought up. I have always had the most success with women when I am charismatic and a gentleman but when they aren't *quite* sure what I am looking for. Link to comment
snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 I think these girls I have been seeing wanted a relationship but acted like they didn't. women are a complicated species ...with my trust issues I dont even expect anything from anybody anymore...for now anyway...I want to hang out and I want the sex part too, but when they start texting or calling every 5 minutes and one of them asked me if i wanna meet her son...i freak out and I told her that I dont want anything serious...and to chill out... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 So, you start seeing girls and then when you tell them that you don't want anything serious, they lose interest? How is that "confusing girl behaviour"? They want a serious relationship and you don't. And, yes, you should continue to tell women that you don't want anything serious or else they will get emotionally involved. That's how you hurt people. Link to comment
snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 I know, I will keep saying that because I was hurt and I know the feeling more than anybody else...trust me! maybe I will just rephrase it to where it sounds less direct... to cat dancer, something you said caught my attention, you said most girls dont like a player, how do you define a player? you personally...because I have had this problem to where girls or people in general think of me as being this player, they said i look like player even without knowing me well, even my ex thought the same thing when in fact I was the most faithful person there could be, more faithful than her since i caught her cheating...but anyway, i would really like to know what your perception of a player is! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I think you just need to rephrase it. You could be saying it in a way that sounds like rejection or that you're interested in FWB. How old are you and the girls you are dating? Maybe you can say something like "I really like you and I hope we can just have a fun/drama-free/uncomplicated relationship. We're young and I don't think we should strive to be in super serious relationships. If it develops into that over time, then that's great. But, I am mostly looking for a girlfriend...not a wife." Hmm, maybe something like that? Is that what you mean by non-serious? Or do you want sex with others? Link to comment
snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 yeah just that thanks, well I am not a * * * * * I dont sleep with anything that walks either lol. I am 30 and the girls ages range from 23 to 28. they get attached too easily...dunno why! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I'd just keep the word "fun" out of the conversation letting the woman know you are not interested in anything serious. It's better to know upfront what both of you want anyhow. So these women who are shutting off yet continuing to see you once you have made it clear you do not want serious: that's most likely bc they do want serious. I'd personally avoid casually dating those women if you want to avoid troubles. Look, there are times and women out there who aren't looking for a long term relationship either and will be upfront about that. But no one wants to feel like they aren't "good enough", so in a way casual relationships I think that aren't filled with lies take even more work as far as communication. Be upfront but respect the other persons ego and feelings - no woman wants to feel she is just around for sex. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Well, if they are getting close to 30, they want something serious. Society and our biological clock is pressuring us to get married and have children. Some women won't want children or marriage. Sounds like you may down the line though...so, maybe that's not a good idea unless you don't plan on this relationship lasting? Young women who date older guys typically date older men because they think they'll want to settle down fast. Link to comment
snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 Dammit i feel old after that last comment! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Dammit i feel old after that last comment! 30 is far from old. Many people still cite that at 30 they still feel like a teenager. But, a lot of people are looking for something serious around that age. Link to comment
snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 I was too, I was engaged 4 months ago... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I was too, I was engaged 4 months ago... It's understandable that you don't want to jump back into something serious. It's responsible too. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I know, I will keep saying that because I was hurt and I know the feeling more than anybody else...trust me! maybe I will just rephrase it to where it sounds less direct... to cat dancer, something you said caught my attention, you said most girls dont like a player, how do you define a player? you personally...because I have had this problem to where girls or people in general think of me as being this player, they said i look like player even without knowing me well, even my ex thought the same thing when in fact I was the most faithful person there could be, more faithful than her since i caught her cheating...but anyway, i would really like to know what your perception of a player is! To me personally, a player is someone who has alot of one night stands. Who will say what the woman wants to hear in order to have sex with her. And then he's done. He is a man who sleeps with alot of women and leaves heartache in his wake. That is why I suggested telling these girls that you are fresh out of a relationship and you want to take things slow. If you let that be known, it says to me that you dont want to meet my son or my parents, you just want to hang out on occasion and see where it leads us. Link to comment
Go Habs Go Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Not to be offensive, but asking women for dating advice is one of the first dating "no-no's". They have good intentions, but they aren't upfront like men are and see things the way they want to see them. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, but any man that has a decent amount of experience will tell you never to take a woman's advice regarding dating. As for your question, you are upfront and honest about what you want and that's commendable. You should never lead someone on. It's downright cruel. The thing with many women in that type of situation is while they know the relationship won't go anywhere, they are hoping for more. They are hoping you will change your mind. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Not to be offensive, but asking women for dating advice is one of the first dating "no-no's". They have good intentions, but they aren't upfront like men are and see things the way they want to see them. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, but any man that has a decent amount of experience will tell you never to take a woman's advice regarding dating. As for your question, you are upfront and honest about what you want and that's commendable. You should never lead someone on. It's downright cruel. The thing with many women in that type of situation is while they know the relationship won't go anywhere, they are hoping for more. They are hoping you will change your mind. I love how you insult our advice when you said the exact same thing all the women before you did. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Not to be offensive, but asking women for dating advice is one of the first dating "no-no's". They have good intentions, but they aren't upfront like men are and see things the way they want to see them. Again, I'm not trying to offend anyone, but any man that has a decent amount of experience will tell you never to take a woman's advice regarding dating. As for your question, you are upfront and honest about what you want and that's commendable. You should never lead someone on. It's downright cruel. The thing with many women in that type of situation is while they know the relationship won't go anywhere, they are hoping for more. They are hoping you will change your mind. talk about two faced! I told the OP the exact same thing, yet because I'm a female I cant give him good advice? Link to comment
Go Habs Go Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 I love how you insult our advice when you said the exact same thing all the women before you did. Because the advice doesn't have to do with attracting the opposite sex. It has to do with being honest and not leading someone on. That's not attracting someone, that's just decency and consideration. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted April 6, 2010 Share Posted April 6, 2010 Because the advice doesn't have to do with attracting the opposite sex. It has to do with being honest and not leading someone on. That's not attracting someone, that's just decency and consideration. The OP question wasn't asking for attraction advice. He was asking for ethical advice. It's rather foolish to throw out advice based on sex. Especially since you had the exact same answer that the women had before you. But, what do I know. Us silly, emotions driven women folk can't give a man advice. Link to comment
snoop Posted April 6, 2010 Author Share Posted April 6, 2010 this is getting interesting and very philosophical...I was asking for a point of view, attracting is not a problem I can do that, the issue is being honest and keeping the person that is the problem...I think everybody gave the same answer, men and women Link to comment
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