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I wanted to update you guys on my situation. I deleted my original thread...out of fear and embarassment... so for those of you who don't know the situation, sorry...

 

I called my ex Friday night. I told him that I couldn't even entertain the idea of 'us'...that it wasn't fair to my marriage or to myself. I asked him to please let me go, to leave me alone. That regardless of our past that I loved my husband and had no intention to persue anything with my ex.

He tried the 'tell me you don't love me then, I know you love me, we're suppose to be together, I know I messed up and missed my chance, but you're married to a man that cheated on you and disrespected you for over a yr! He doesn't deserve you!"

 

As hard as it was for me I told him I didn't love him and that we couldn't be friends.

 

I cried for what seemed hours after...I even almost called him back, but I didn't.

 

But I feel like I did the right thing, although that doesn't erase the pain.

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The pain you feel now is nothing compared to cheating and living with that kind of guilt though. That guy has no right to judge your husband now, not after this for sure.

 

Exactly! Common sense ruled, even though you feel the pain, you did the right thing!

Good for you!

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This is amazing. I am so happy for you. I know this hurts so bad, but you did something that very few people could go through with. You stared human weakness in the face and overcame it.

 

Very inspirational.

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You did the right thing. What I am concerned about, however, is the fact that this has completely broken your heart and that it is your heart that is torn in pieces. You were thinking of this ex even while you were planning your wedding...so even if you are doing the right thing, your heart is still not completely in your marriage. I think this is what you really need to think about now, whether or not this marriage itself was a good idea. I have seen far too many posts on this forum from people who went into their marriage with reservations or not totally feeling it for their partner, and those feelings remain years into the marriage so that eventually they want out. Now is the time to be really really honest with yourself about whether or not this marriage is a good idea. Your relationship with your now husband has never really been the two of you completely in sync and with eyes only for each other. Early on he cheated on you for a year and a half with his ex....so while with you his heart was not with you it was elsewhere. Now you have been facing the same dilemma, with him but your heart not completely with him. He lived a lie with you, and now you are living a lie with him....and this is supposed to be the honeymoon period of the marriage. So I think you really need to think about whether or not this marriage was done for the right reasons. You may love your husband, but not with every fiber of your being if your heart is torn like this over your ex. Something to think about and not sweep under the rug.

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