Pregnant and Need Advice

[emma16]

Well I want to make this short as possible for now I just found out two weeks ago that I am prenant. The unborn childs father and I have only been together for a month. I had brought up an option of giving the child up for adoption and the other abortion. I have a two year old son already and am lost on what to do. The unborn child father gave me money for half of an abortion so I assumed since he did not say anything this is what he wanted.

 

I went to one apt and on the way to the second I truned around and could not do it. The things I thing as he is 27 and I am 25 we shoudl be able to discuss this a little he seemd to have written me off completely. I have called numbersous time in the last few day and he left a message for me stating. I am soory I did not take your calls but give me a call we need to discuss this. I called last night did not answer.

 

I am not sure what to do. Any adivce or if I need to fill in more blanks I will answer more questions/

[ang3l2004]

Hi this must be really difficult for you because this is a baby your talking about.My question would be are you ready for another child and if so would he be there for you and that baby?Me on the other hand I dont believe in abortion but that is just me,Now another thing is this is you and this is your body do you want to keep the baby?I understand that he wants for you to get an abortion or give the baby up for adoption but what do you want?It is up to you on if you are ready he will be there or you want to get an abortion or give the baby up for adoption,I wish you the best of luck and I hope everything works out for you in this hard situation.Please PM me anytime if you want to talk about anything!Good luck

[avman]

Hello emma16,

 

This must be a very difficult time for you. Its always a tragedy to me when a father will not take responsibilty for his child but this seems to be more commonplace than I ever even thought.

 

At this point I think maybe you should consider that you will not have the support of the father regardless of your choice. This means that you should do what is right for you and for this child. Whether that means keeping the baby, giving it up for adoption, or aborting. My personal beliefs aside, I feel you should get some serious counseling before making your final decision. Examine all your options and assume the father will have to be dragged kicking and screaming no matter what you do.

 

You WILL be able to get financial support from him if you keep the baby. So if thats what you want to do, I can help you go about getting that. If you decide to put it up for adoption the agency will work on your behalf with the father to try and involve him in the process. But you can't force him to if he refuses.

 

Regarding the abortion, well thats really a strictly personal choice. While thats the easiest thing for the father, I think you should put far more weight on what YOU feel is right. I'd ask you not to do this, but I realize this is an individual choice.

 

Let us know how we can help.

 

avman

[wendella]

Whatever you decide to do don't feel bad about doing it.

 

Put into the consideration what the life of this child would be like, if you give it up for adoption can you deal with it? Could you support the baby? I work at a family law office and I just saw a 19 year old give up her baby to a couple, thousands of miles away. She was devastated but she signed the papers.

 

This is a tough but common problem many young girls face, as i have in my life. I was irresponsible about birth control and didn't think of the effects that having unprotected sex can bring about, stds, aids, not to mention a baby.

 

Please think long and hard about this. And whatever you decide don't beat youself up about it. If you do you will never truly forgive yourself for giving it up or having an abortion.

 

The guy sounds like a lost cause. Sad but true so many young fathers just don't care and see it as the women's problem. Yikes what is this world coming to....

[GeeCee]

Emma

 

None of us here can really advise you as to what you should do. You do, however, know the difficulty you face each day, bring up a child single-handedly. I think that the baby's father has made it clear what he wants you to do, now you have to be clear that you can live comfortably with teh choice that you make.

 

I wish you luck.

 

G xx

[emma16]

Well tonight this guy finally called and we talked a little he stated he was sorry for not taking my calls and that he thought we had already talked about this. He stated that he does and doesn't want me to have an abortion. However he then stated that I should do this. I still have no clue I told him that I would get it done this week, but I still do not know.

 

The thing that frustrates me is that i have always used some sort of contraception. I got pregnant on the pill with my first son. And now this no contraception because we were drunk and he made the assumption that I was on the pill. Just beucase his last girlfriend of five years was.

 

I am so confused and I am sure that he tinks wow what a whore gets knocked up in a month. A friend of his who I have known since I was a little kid said he would take me to have this done however he does not agree with it.

 

I wish I new why men could not give a damn about the entire situation except for all the sweet talking before of well I still want to see you. Why would I why would he if I did do this and it is clear he doesn't becuuse he couldn't call for well over a week.

 

I just don't feel I can have an abortion and why should I I don't want to trap this guy I feel as far as we are concerned it was done before it even began. I am still confused this is a life part of him part of me.

[avman]

emma,

 

If you've decided that you do not want an abortion, then do not let this guy talk you into it just because it makes HIS life easier. You will have to live with the abortion for the rest of your life.

 

Do what YOU feel is right. This guy is obviously only concerned with one thing - himself.

 

avman

[Val]

Emma, I hope you realize that sometimes people make mistakes they regret for the rest of their lives. You come accross as such a sincere and considerate sweetheart. Unfortunately, ur man does not seem to possess the same qualities. You may be sitting there contemnplating what would be best for the two of you (and this unborn child) but all the while HE is only concerned how this could affect HIS life and HIS future. I can't tell you what it is you should do, as the decision is really up to you. But I will say this, my mother almost had an abortion when she fell pregnant of me (she was after all only 20) and I can't express in words how happy I am to be here today and I appreciate EVERYTHING she has EVER done for me.

You said just don't feel I can have an abortion and why should I" Don't let yourself be pressured into doing something u may regret the rest of your life. You can't turn back the clock in the long run. . . .

 

Hope this helps.

[emma16]

Well I thought about it last night alot andevery possible option I have seems so difficult. I know I have become a complete bitch to a few people who know me so well and they no something is wrong however I do not want to tellt hem yet.

 

I still do not know what it is that I am going to do. Yes sall this guy does is think about himself from what I see I mean we only dated a month. Like I said this is the first time we talked in over a week. NO yelling about it.

 

To me he does not want to take responsibility for this and I do because it was irresponsible I guess it takes longer for ment o mature. We both agreed we can not act weird around each other in pulic beucase someone will figure something out just need to make it look as if we didn't hit things off which I agree to that.

 

I just feel abortion I will regret do men ever regret haveing someone have this done?

[avman]

I have a very close friend of mine who's ex-girlfriend had an abortion without asking him about it. This happened probably 15 years ago. And he STILL is upset about it. He says he feels like an accessory to murder. He's cried on my shoulder about this when he talks about the situation. So yes, men get hurt by abortion too.

 

emma, I really suggest you head for some counseling to help you with this. Planned Parenthood has some. Adoption agencies also have counseling. And this is all free of charge. You need to talk to people about this so that you can make the best decision possible. This guy is obviously NO help to you. So I really suggest you talk to these folks and then make the decision thats best for you and for the baby. I sense you have a good head on your shoulders so trust your own instincts and judgement on this.

 

We're here for you.

 

avman

[emma16]

I see how in your friends situation he was hurt however. He said this is what we should do I just feel that everything will be akward after the fact when we see each other in public so forth and so on. I mean I am letting it be part of his decision also and if that is what I feel is best I don't want him looking at me for the rest of my life thinking that is the girl that got knocked up in a month and snuffed of my child.

 

He stated he had been thinking about it alot and he wants me to do this and doesn't I mean if we knew each other longer it would have been different.

 

Alot of our friend wonder why we ahve not did anything in a week together and its just hard to explain and question as to why i ahve not been drinking so I am sure they will put two and two together eventually. I have already visited planned parent hood and an still undecieded however if I feel abortion is the right choice I do not have that long..

 

Are there alot of men that have women do this and still feel akward everytime they see each other and the same for women?

[t-dog]

Emma,

 

I'm a 25 year old woman and I had an abortion when i was 22. I am pro-choice. I always have been, but I understand how other people feel differently. While some women may always regret making that choice, i feel like I should let you know that I DO NOT regret having it. For me, it was the right thing to do.

 

After I left the clinic, I can honestly say that I felt happy, relieved, and stronger. Granted, abortion is not a choice to be made lightly. But I'm just writing to tell you that not everyone makes that choice with regret and sorrow. Just be honest with yourself. And if you do want to keep it, more power to you. The father is obligated to pay child support, and most of all, don't beat yourself up! Everything will be okay.

[emma16]

I have been thinking and I do know where he stands on this seeing as what he had to say. I know if I were to choose abortion that iI only have so much more time and I already have the money from him.

 

The thing I need to deal with is the the fact that what ever decision I am make it is all up to me and I will live withit the rest of my life I already do not eat and sleep. Mostlikely there are people that have went threw the same thing it is just that If I ever want to talk about it I really have no one to talk about it with.

 

I know a guy that was in the same situation and all of his friends said she will have the baby and he will be gone and he stuck with here going on five years I know he is not happy but for the babies sack they are getting married. It is my cousin and I am proud of him.

 

I wish life was easy but its not cut and dry, i guess its not a question but a lesson learned in time and in the end I hope my choice is the right one.

[emma16]

Well I first want to thank everybody for your adivce on how I should go about handling and making my final decision. I know everyone had their own opionions and in entitled to their own opionions. Afet some counseling sessions and time on my own I did make the decsion to have an abortion.

 

I know this may be bad to say I was very relieved when I left the clinic however due to my medical condition I ended up in the hospital for two days after the procedure.

 

I do feel that this was my choice and the father did no persuede me in anyway since we have not talked in two weeks.

 

I do realize at my age I should have been responsible but now I know how much more resopsible I have to be and will be without a doubt.

 

I don't expect anyone to understand why I made my decision it is a personal choice and I can't turn time back to before my child was concieved or to before the procedure was performed. I do know I will never do it again.