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To Message or Not to Message?


Kate Monster

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So I'm sort of "seeing" this guy online. The details are complicated, but not particularly important. Suffice it to say that this is a pretty recent thing (think weeks, not months), and nothing serious yet, although we both know there are feelings there.

 

Long story short, we've been talking online at least a little every night since this started. Last night, we had a conversation (again, I'll spare you the details) that involved me pointing out that he would never even know about it if I died, since none of my friends or family would know to tell him. He seemed a little upset by this idea, enough to ask me to stop talking about it. Tonight, I'm going to be out until late, and I'm sure we'll miss each other. These are last minute plans, so he doesn't know about this.

 

The question is this: Do I send him a message to let him know about my plans, or not? I don't want to upset him by disappearing (in light of last night's conversation), but at the same time, letting him know that I'm going out tonight seems odd. I mean, we don't have a standing "date," or anything, and I don't want to come off as clingy for assuming that he needs to know where I'm going to be every night.

 

What do you think?

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I say if you're comfortable enough with him, it shouldn't hurt... that is unless you're feeling him out as one of those guys that'll run the second they feel commitment... I too am the type to over think things and I wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings by making them feel I bailed on em... But then again that's a co-dependency issue lol... I totally am a worry wart and would be like you worrying if I hurt someone's feelings or made them worry...

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yeah you should message him and say something like: "hey, i probably won't be online tonight tonight cause i made plan to go out with friends last minute, but we'll talk tomorrow night or something..." that way shows you were thoughtful, BUT without the clingy intention.

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You could send something light-hearted like, "hey I'm about to head out with my friends for the night, so I just wanted to say hi and I hope you had a good day!" That way he doesn't think you're blowing him off but it's not really checking in with him either.

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I totally am a worry wart and would be like you worrying if I hurt someone's feelings or made them worry...

 

Thanks! I'm glad it's not just me!

 

I think it would be very thoughtful to let him know. Are you planning on meeting him in person soon?

 

The meeting in person is complicated, since he lives very far away. That's one of the reasons I'm especially leery of seeming clingy, since we haven't talked yet about where this is going, if anywhere.

 

And thanks to everyone else who has replied so far. I appreciate it!

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