there are things that I dont understand... Please help me... (long post)...

[fr0z3n]

Hi guys... last sunday, my gf broke up with me... My mind is blank this past few days and I can't say anything...

 

We've been dating for more tahn a year, we have lots of ups and downs and issues like religion that she always brought up during our early months, parents issues (her not introducing me to her parents, but I managed to introduce myself to her mom), disregarding me because of work and friends, and lied to me a few times...

 

Thats the sum of our previous issues, though I tried to understand what would might be her reasons even though she didn't tell me her reasons (because her only reason is she just told me what she feels)...

 

Fast forward this past few weeks... Everything seems fine... we're talking on the phone almost everyday... she seems happy...I dont feel that theres something wrong in our relationship... but one day...

 

Just last week, she told me that she feels that I only want her for display and it devastated me... How come that would be my reason for being with her?... Afterall I gave everthing I can for her, support her on the things she do, I did everything not to control her, I dont know if I spoiled her as I dont think about it, I just give everything that I can but I dont see why she will feel like that... After she sais that, I remembered the times that I invited her e.g. Birthday of my father, birthday of my aunt, christmas party with my friends and she always refuses, with unreasonable excuses like she forgot it, went somewhere else, blah blah...

 

I tried to reason out with her... Tried talking to her, but she always try to find a fault on me and slap it on my face like she doesn't like the way I'm acting when in front of my friends but she only met around 4 of my friends, at 4 different time and places and all by just because I met my friend accidentally and I just introduced her to my friend... I also told her, I'm proud of her, I want her to be comfortable around the people who are close to me too, they also like to meet her, I dont see anything wrong with that... But in your perspective guys, do you also see something wrong there?...

 

Now after 3 days, just last sunday, she texted me and broke up with me... I said ok if thats what you wish, maybe theres nothing I can do...

 

Then after that dat, monday evening she texted me saying hi... I replied you broke up with me yesterday now you're saying hi?... she replied whats wrong? we're going to get back sooner... and she also told me that I'm the only guy he wants to be with, and only wants to let things pass, and want to focus finding work (she broke up with me too last 5 month while she was looking for a job)...

 

Now... I've been thinking lately... Why does she needs to break up with me if she wants to focus on her job? I also remembered the things that she said to me that she's still young, want to do other things, maybe she'll be ready for marriage after 5 years... All I can see is... She still doesn't what she wants in her life... Everytime she neglect me or disregard me or ignore me, she says she did that because she knows that I'm always right beside her and she is confident that she wont lose me... OK, for her I'll be here always here to support her but I cant stand being neglected... Now I realized maybe she still young and curious about the world but I only find that reason being immature... She's 20 and I'm 21... I feel like I'm sick of her child like attitude, sometimes acting like a super matured individual specially when she acts like my mom... I'm not too old but I have a come what may and devil may care attitude, granted thats immature but Im aware of it... I'm focusing on my studies and my career and shes always on my plan... But on her, I dont see myself on her priority list...

 

I'm still hanging on until now but I'm feeling tired... I want to ask you guys for your perspective about our relationship? Is there still a chance? am I doing something wrong? Is it time to call it quits? I know the decision will be all mine, but with the state of my mind as of now, I dont trust myself that I can make the right decision... Please help me guys... Sorry for the long post, I thought I dont have anything to say but it all came out just this time... thanks...

[Tangz]

Sounds like shes confused. She wants to be with you and she doesn't. Possibly playing mind games.

 

If she said "we will get back sooner" and she means that and not trying to comfort you then play it cool. Next time when she txts you don't throw it back in her face like "you broke up with me why are you saying hi", just say hi how are you back and play it along. Remember any negative feelings will get in the way!

 

Play hard to get buddy.

 

P.s how long had you been togeather for?

[wayoverit]

Tangz is right, don't harbor negativity just go with the flow. Have you ever heard of the phrase "if you love her let her free"? We'll let her do her thing and you do yours. On the next weekend or so she'll be wondering what you're up do. Provided she doesn't have another guy on the side her old habit (you) just will not go away. Play it nice and you will remain her habit unless you don't want to deep down.

[fr0z3n]

we've beent together for a year... I dont think she has another guy, shes not like that... I'll try what you tell but what is this habit thing?... ami I just a habit of hers? does that mean she will do what she likes then if she somewhat missed me then she'll catch up with me then forget about me the next day...

 

If we're together maybe it's easier... but as of now, she broke up with me because of this and we haven't reconciled yet... If she doesn't want to be with me then fine, I have other things to do... But I dont get the idea... The way she talks is as if were just friends... If shes busy doing her things then I dont exist, and if she doesnt have anything to do then I exist but only as a friend for now but sort of "theres no big deal, in the end well be together again"... Im effing confused...

[faithful14]

It seems as though she thinks she can have you back whenever she likes this. Reading all this information on how she treats you, she knows she can come back at any time and you will be waiting with open arms. I don't know if she's really confused, but I think there's not much of a challenge here. Sorry, I'm not trying to be hurtful here but I think she's playing games here and you don't deserve that. She doesn't make you a priority or an important person in her life but I can tell that you made her #1 priority. Don't let her walk all over you.

 

There probably could be chance together but you're not doing anything wrong, you just have to learn to put yourself first and stand up to her when she disrespects you. If this is going to work, the relationship should be equal, not her having all the power and walking all over you. (please don't think I'm insulting you because I'm not. you sound like a nice guy and I don't want to see you get taken advantage of).

[fr0z3n]

no... you're not insulting me... I also realized this thing and yes, I now feel like this... I've had enough with her disrespecting me... Last time we argued (also the time when she lied to me) I managed to stand for myself...

 

now... I dont have time for her games... I'm focusing on myself right now, end of semester really makes me busy...

 

Something is on my mind and i'm not sure of it...

 

1. should i send her a text message and tell her that I now realized that she needs her time and I'll wish her all the best... (After that, i'll cut her in my life though I still care for her, it's just that if she want me to disappear, then I'll do it...)

 

2. Just let it be this way... I'll just ignore her... I dont see any point in continuing to reply back to her or me contacting her... It will just prove her that she has a full controll over me...

 

I dont care what will happen next... Though I love her, but I wont allow myself to be taken advantage of or should I say Im tired of it...

[fr0z3n]

right now in my mind... I want to disappear... I dont feel alone as of now... I'm fine without her... It's just that... I can't stand being like this (something like a pet waiting for my owner to come home)...

 

I know I am a nice guy, for me theres no reason to be an A Hole or a jerk unless they deserve to be treated like that...

[faithful14]

I think you shouldn't contact her anymore and just let things be. Just focus on yourself and be happy. If she wants to get back with you, let her make the effort to come find you and talk to you about it.

[fr0z3n]

thanks faithfulll for helping me... last night, I sent her a message that I wish her all the best, that I need to disappear for her to focus on herself and said bye... I'm not expecting for any reply but she replied and said she'll feel relieved if she always know that I'm always beside her and that she loved me, luckily I dont have any balance on my phone so I didnt bother to reply... Now not contacting her anymore will be easier for me... Ibrainstormed the things that I can do without her and I see alot of things that I must do (specially one thing about myself that I will also ask for help here in ena)... Thank you guys for reading my long post and helping me... I appreciate it very well...

[Tangz]

let us know how it goes, good that you didnt txt back. let things be, work on yourself. if she contacts you again post here for advice before replying

[Ms Darcy]

right now in my mind... I want to disappear... I dont feel alone as of now... I'm fine without her... It's just that... I can't stand being like this (something like a pet waiting for my owner to come home)...

 

I know I am a nice guy, for me theres no reason to be an A Hole or a jerk unless they deserve to be treated like that...

 

This doesn't seem like a stable, happy relationship to even consider going back to.

[fr0z3n]

Yah... I also thought that... but the hell I care, I'm not thinking about it anymore right now... She's not my concern anymore... I have alot of things to do, and also alot of things to go back to (i.e. old hobbys)... For me that relationship has ended, who knows what tomorrow can bring... I initiated NC not to hope for a reconciliation but to continue life, I hope she got the idea... Thanks guys for reading my post and helping me...