Transitioning to the next stage of life.

[waveseer]

I made an important decision today to permanently end my ability to bear more children. I feel lighter and excited and weird all at the same time. At this moment my choice is more theoretical than practical since abstinence is completely preventing pregnancy regardless.

 

I feel lighter knowing that my body will never produce another child because it is a fairly dangerous process for me medically. I feel excited that I am preparing myself for a relationship where the number of children is a limited factor. I would happily accept a potential partner's children, but the option of more is now off the table.

 

For me that's a relief and I've already noticed a change in my attitude as I interact with men. I am more relaxed and happier. I have committed myself to overcoming the procreation instinct and it's allowing me to expand my visual field, staying more open while conversing.

 

What I feel weird about is that I've been fertile for 31 years, three fourths of my life so far. I have no experience with physical intimacy as a non-viable woman. I really have no idea who I will become in that area of my life now and it's scary and promising all at the same time.

 

I am hoping that it will become easier to work out an amicable relationship in the stage of life I am entering. I am hoping it will be easier to relate knowing that it truly is each other that interests us rather than needing each other for raising more children. I'm sure many people enjoy raising children together, but I haven't had that great a time sharing it with anyone else.

 

So, if you have any opinions, insights, or questions I'd really like to explore this transition.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Aren't you in your mid-forties now? I would think that most men would assume a woman in her mid forties is not looking to have any more children. Quite frankly I get irritated with men in their mid forties who suddenly decide to have children...I think it is unfair to the child to have a father old enough to be his/her grandfather.

[waveseer]

I am in my mid forties, but naturally I could be fertile for another 10 years. Since I've turned forty I've been 95% sure I was done having children, I was reserving the other 5% for the possibility of one more with the right man. Yesterday I decided that the right man will be totally okay with no more babies.

 

I'm not sure how age figures into it, although it can make it more difficult to conceive. If the mother and the father are healthy and take good care of themselves there is no reason that they couldn't keep up with their children. Young and old is a state of mind and the increased risk of age in parents is often balanced out with wisdom from being more mature (it helps figure out what's important, what's fun, and what's dangerous).

[Seraphim]

Hey long time no see.

 

I guess it is good that you have got to that place. I think we are close to the same place at least in age. For me too medically pretty dangerous to have another child and yet I still yearn for one. Whatever it is inside me just wont let that go. I am happy though you are more settled and it does bring peace of mind. I keep waiting for the day I just let it go and it does not matter anymore.

 

I am happy to see you happier though.

[waveseer]

Once I make a decision the action part is easy, it's already done and I'm healing well. Good to see you too. If I had to say my overriding feeling I would call it relief.

[Catdancer]

When I had my son last March at the age of 35, I made that decision also. I had my tubes tied. I must have looked resolute because my OB never questioned it. We talked about it, I thought it over for a few months, and then decided. I am glad that I did it. And to be honest, I did have the baby urge again when he was about 3 months old. I really wanted a little girl. So, I did alot of shopping for my ex's daughter and bought all the cute girl things and had fun, then thank god, it blew over. lol Now, I am perfectly satisfied with my little boy. I want him to have everything, and I do mean everything. He has a trust set up for school, travel, whatever he wants to do. He'll be a millionaire when he turns 18. I cannot do that for more than one child. I want to focus all my energy and give my all to make life perfect for my son. I dont want him to have to share me. i know that my thinking sounds screwed up to some, but it makes sense to me. He does have a half sister and cousin that he sees all the time, so he isnt the proverbial "only child". My only problem now is how to balance my "give him everything he wants" mentality with how to raise a non-bratty, self entitled child. lol

[Hermes]

My father was forty when he married my mother (first and only marriage for both of them). He would have been over 41 when they had me, just four years off mid-forties. I never looked on him as a "grand-father" and he was the best father a person could have wished for. Knowing Dad I can just imagine his reaction to someone being irritated with him for having me at that age. LOL.

He died some years ago and I still miss him. If the father is a good father, I do not see what is "unfair" about his age. Far worse IMO is an abusive good for nothing father of 20/30!!!

 

What you say, Waveseer makes sense.

 

Hermes