FB is the devil... Its been 9 months & more coming to surface

[JohnTheMan]

Ohhh man... I've been in NC for 2 months with my ex of roughly 9 months. I loved this girl more than anything and she was introduced and became good friends with all my college friends. We'd lived together for 3 yrs and dated for 2.5 yrs. I went out of state to contract for 2 months and when I got back things were weird and then she broke up with me. I was devastated and still suffer deep depression and pain from the breakup. Until she broke up with me, I had no idea that it was coming. I even paid for her to visit me 2 wks before I got back and everything seemed fine. She was so excited I was coming home... I was completely blind sided to return home to a breakup. She then strung me out for roughly 6-7 months while I believed she was with someone else she had met when I was contracting. I went on believing her for so long because the things she told me, I was sure she wouldn't lie like that. Later I found out I was wrong... She had emotional cheated on me and left me for someone who was "just a friend." The pain was unbearable to know someone else was getting what my heart desired most. That she was doing the things we were supposed to do with someone else... I once again began NC.

 

Since the breakup she hasn't deleted anyone from her FB that were MY friends. In fact, she has continued to stay in contact with some, but they never respond. I deleted more than 2 dozen people and have them blocked so I can't see their updates. But I still keep finding crap out. Last night and today I was missing her terribly. I was really wanting to talk to her or be around her. Until tonight, I was forced to see a mutual friend "friending" the guy who she left me for and him writing on her wall... What a slap. They must be doing so well together!?!? Whats worst, is, am I going to have to see this guy start befriending MY friends??? I think I made a decision that anyone who is friends with him, cannot be friends with me... Thats just messed up. Pretty much, everyone knows the story.

 

Either way. I feel so betrayed by evyerthing. She was all I ever wanted, and when I had her I was happy and thankful. This was the worst thing that could have happened to me. I don't want to delete facebook. I stay in touch with so many people daily that way, but I also have now witnessed gifts she gave him that were similar things we would joke and talk about...

 

I have no real question... Just needed to write this down somwhere...

 

To this day, I have never confronted her fully about what I know... I have wondered to what extent she thinks I know... But I know way more about everything than she thinks. I have thought from time to time to confront her on the issue. Just ask "Why did you lie for so long?" She seemed to have a really good heart, so I am so confused why she willingly hurt me so badly...

[luckyman]

Block her....

[Justrandom]

Sorry to hear that.. I'm going through a situation somewhat similar to that. Except my Ex

was never friends with my friends while we dated. She refused to hangout with them and

me. Now, that we aren't together she hangs out with some close friends and is dating one

of my best friends. I'm not sure but that pretty much pushed me over the edge of caring

anymore and I'm feeling a lot better about the situation. Even though it is sad, the worst

part is over now. You know you're not getting her back, time to move forward. I know you

may not meet another her, but you will meet someone else eventually. Just take

sometime for you. Sorry again, when it's in your face it makes it that much harder.

[eggplant47]

I absolutely understand how you feel. To me, loyalty is an extemely important aspect of friendship. True, it can be hard on truly mutual friends when a couple splits... but I tend to think you keep who you came in with. It's pretty tacky that she's trying to bond your friends to her new boyfriend.

 

On a side note- I've thought for a while now that Facebook creates a kind of inadvertently creepy, co-dependant atmosphere that isn't good for anyone & this is exactly why!

[petite]

Block! Sometimes easier said than done, but once you click that BLOCK it hurts, however you will feel so much better later.

 

Facebook is the devil and people make it even worse. It's also a major problem is relationships, too many friends of the opposite sex, messages from ex's and the list goes on and on. Next time I enter a relationship I'm making it well I don't want or need facebook to keep in touch with people. The right guy, will of course agree

[JohnTheMan]

Facebook is the devil and people make it even worse. It's also a major problem is relationships, too many friends of the opposite sex, messages from ex's and the list goes on and on. Next time I enter a relationship I'm making it well I don't want or need facebook to keep in touch with people. The right guy, will of course agree

 

While I don't see anyone giving up their facebook, i completely agree. The guy she left me for lives around 6-7 hrs away and close to her hometown. I had to watch their relationship develop on fbook while she denied and denied, and I was working out of state. I caught her many times chatting with him on fbook and never said a thing. I didn't want to muscle her out of talking to him, so I just observed. It was pure torture to watch them facebook each other while we were still together. Like she was slipping from my hands and I couldn't do anything to save her. I'm starting to think I gave her too much freedom. That complete trust means also allowing someone to have temptation in their face 24/7. Lets face the facts, there are a lot of really terrible selfish people out their that will actively pursue someone in a relationship. She constantly had guys writing questionable material on her fbook. I was always mad at her for not being more upfront that behavior like that wasn't tolerable cause she was in a committed relationship. She labled me as jealous. But look, she indeed left me for someone else... Maybe my jealousy could have pushed her out a bit, but really??? I have had a lot of time to think about what she did to me... I have NOT come up with another way that someone could do worse... And to someone they loved... Its worse then getting shot or stabbed by someone you didn't know, because you never trusted them. But when someone you gave your heart and soul to someone who does the emotional equivalent... Its just terrible. Life altering. Sad.

[petite]

That must have been infuriating. I would have gone ballistic. I was never a major fan of FB to begin with, and we had our own share of problems when it came to it.

I think when people truly want to make it work and make it known they are not keen of such social sites, their partner would agree that they don't really need it.

I know people say relationships without trust is nothing, but sometimes even where there is trust people stray. Your situation is a good example. you trusted her and that is what she did.

I think if someone cares enough they wont have an issue being without a FB, good lord it doesn't define us as people it's just a social networking site. We lived without it before, we can do it again.

[Rob1000]

I think you need to delete everything, as much as you can, even friends you still talk to, as many mutual friends as poss. I did and have moved on so much further.

 

Then you start posting on the 'Healing After Break Up' forum. It's your next step.

[Miss Firecracker]

Facebook IS the devil! More proof.

 

link removed

[Sac]

i wish the stupid site didnt exist, i prefer the days of going to see people too talk and catch up

[Flywest29]

Yep I deleted mine just the other day all together and do not miss it at all. Someone on here mentioned we lived without it before, you can live without it now.

[phaze]

Pretty much the same thing happened to me though I never questioned her behavior or got jealous. You need to remember that regardless of the FB temptation, it was a character flaw in your ex, as well as mine that allowed for the cheating. FB was simply a medium.

[squirl]

 

To this day, I have never confronted her fully about what I know... I have wondered to what extent she thinks I know... But I know way more about everything than she thinks. I have thought from time to time to confront her on the issue. Just ask "Why did you lie for so long?" She seemed to have a really good heart, so I am so confused why she willingly hurt me so badly...

 

Perhaps you should address this with her, since she and the new guy seem to be working their way into your social network. It will continue to depress you and drive you crazy keeping it all inside.

 

Not so much to ask why did she did it - I suspect she'll never fess up -- But just to get it off your chest so you're less confused, can face the facts and move on.

 

And what if she did tell you the reason . . . do you think you could handle it?