?! 6 Months tomorrow.

[PandaEyes]

So this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I have broken up with some one before but that was when I was 18. 6 months ago my ex boyfriend of 2 years and 9 months broke up with me. There was no cheating, no huge fight. he just came home from work and said he was unhappy and couldn't live like this anymore, took his tooth brush and his pillow and left. We have spoken 3 times since, twice in person...which was both times pretty disastrous to say the least and one very short email asking how I was early january. I haven't spoken to him since.

 

I was lonely, depressed, had really low self esteem and increasingly unmanageable anxiety in our relationship. it developed over time from about 10 months into our relationship and progressively got worse. He couldn't deal with it and neither could I but I didn't think I could deal with it alone.

 

I have done everything, EVERYTHING every break up manual has prescribed. I've spent hundreds $$ on therapists, spoken to friends and family, cried my eyes out on many occasions, kept myself insanely busy, tried dating (turns out Im really not ready), thrown myself into travel, made new friends, moved house, got a cat, lost weight etc. I have worked really hard and handled this pretty well I think, I dont know anyone else who has been through this. None of my close friends or family. The only person I could think of was MY previous ex ahah (turns out he didn't have any supportive words of wisdom for me..understandably). I haven't done any thing psycho, I deleted him off my facebook (we both have private profiles) no angry text messages, no drive late night drive-bys, no depressive emails (I certainly wrote them... I just didn't send them)no drunken phone calls etc.

 

but

 

Now what?

 

I am still really sad and I still get pretty anxious when I hear things about him or see things of his on my facebook. My two best friends are also his best friends. One of them is his sister in law. His brother works for my older brother. I moved house to get away from him and he also moved...into the same suburb. This is the longest we have gone with out speaking since I was 13. He has made no effort to talk to me, and neither have I, even though i've thought about it and so so so nearly sent a late night sms.

 

I don't want to sleep around but feel like I should - I know he has been - How do you do that? I dont understand this - Is that something that guys do? Is that a way of getting over some one? Or if you are already over some one is that what you do? Is it differnt because I am a girl? Is it an age thing? we are both 22.

 

Also - am i going to be stuck like this forever? I try so hard not to, but I still really care about the things he does, who he is seeing, what he's doing. I dont want to know but I also really really do at the same time. Its like an addiction. My whole life has been about him for the last 3.5 years and I am trying to change that but i'm also really scared of that. I don't think I love him any more, it is fading fast. But will i never get over this? I am pretty good at putting it in perspective but some times forget. I am impatient and just want this to be over and for me to get over it and move on. I don't know where my future is heading really - I thought we were going to get married. Now I am scared it is just going to be me and my cat (battlecat) alone for the rest of my life.

 

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Does any one else ever feel like this? AM I CRAZY?

 

My brain just farted all over this forum, ahahahaha.

[blanche88]

I don't want to sleep around but feel like I should - I know he has been - How do you do that? I dont understand this - Is that something that guys do?

 

That's a terrible idea. Don't sleep around. It's different for guys (less risk of becoming emotionally attached, and less stigma for sleeping around). I don't know why they do it. It's probably just meaningless gratification.

 

Anyway, I can sort of understand what you're going through... Being in a similar position, I'm not sure what to suggest to fix the situation... It's likely that if you start dating someone you're really attracted to, you won't care about your ex anymore. Maybe you could ask him if he wants to have coffee or something, and chat with him amicably... Seeing him again might help. Or make it worse.

 

sorry i'm not more helpful!

[PandaEyes]

I'm not sure what to suggest to fix the situation... It's likely that if you start dating someone you're really attracted to, you won't care about your ex anymore. Maybe you could ask him if he wants to have coffee or something, and chat with him amicably... Seeing him again might help. Or make it worse.

 

thanks for your imput

 

I am really REALLY nervous about seeing him or about initiating contact. I am not ready to be rejected again, I think that I have also been avoidingit because I know when I see him, i'll see what I saw last time - that he is completely over me. That we are NEVER getting back together.

 

I know what you mean about the dating thing. I think I do really need to be really attracted to some one.

[ladydayblues]

Hey panda eyes! You've been posting in my thread so i'll return the favor! I feel like you and I are in very similar positions with our exes (as you can read from my thread).

 

You are not crazy, unless I am crazy too! I feel the same ways as you do.

I also think of my ex constantly and wonder what he's doing and whom he's with even after 6 months. I see people on the street from behind who look like him and wonder if it's him. I see similar cars to his and wonder if he's in them. It is a little of an obsession, but I think it's more withdrawal symptoms. You have known your ex since you were 13 - that is a very long relationship to wean yourself off of. I think that you are filling the void in a healthy way by exercising, etc. I think spending your time with someone else might help too. A lot of it is retraining your thoughts too, like stopping yourself when you have a thought about him instead of letting yourself fall into a downward spiral of painful memories.

 

DO NOT SLEEP AROUND! I feel like that is a very bad idea. Sometimes I get those thoughts too, but realize that is only a temporary fix to make you feel like you have men's attention but later on it will only make you feel crappy about your self-esteem. I don't understand how men can do this and not really have any emotions about it.

 

A healthier alternative to "sleeping around" is just to go on some dates. I have been going on dates and that kind of helps me realize that there are indeed other nice men out there who are interested in getting to know me. Like you, I am not completely emotionally ready to jump in with anyone now. I let my dates know this up front and most of the time they are fine with it. One of them has ended up a friend, one was a little too into me just after the 1st date and I could tell it would be too much so I cut it off. Just make sure you're not leading them on because you don't want your hurt and confusion to cause more hurt and confusion! But maybe eventually when you're ready you'll find a guy you actually do feel like jumping in with, and that should ease the ex-pain. I dunno, that's what I'm hoping! Just don't fully get involved till you're ready.