Ex-Girlfriend Confused About The Future.....Need Help, Please?

[redeyedandblue]

So, me and this girl go way back. We've known one another since elementary school, through high school.....lost touch, and eventually, we started dating. We've been serious for almost 2 years, even talking about marriage and her even telling me I was "the one". Her family loves me, her friends love me, hell, even her co-workers love me (pre-and-post break-up).

 

Well, things happened and she left me about a month and a half ago. She goes to school in another state, so when she came back to our hometown, she called me up and showed-up right outside my house (as like a surprise). We actually went on a date that week as well, and of course, everything went as if we never broke up (that means intimacy and everything). By the end of the night, we were able to say "I love you" without being hesitant.

 

Now she's back to school, and she's been calling me non-stop (as in about three, four times a day).....and also throwing mixed messages. The other day, she explained that she needed to be alone to worry about school, and not a relationship. Also, that we both had immaturities we had to work on. I accepted, and began to analyze myself in the areas I could work on.

 

From here, she continued to call me multiple times a day, for long amounts of time. Tonight, however, we spoke about the "deep" stuff.....

 

She claims the reason we split is because she'd been pushed away by my immaturity. Granted, she can see I've been working on myself, but I can also acknowledge it takes more than a month to show change in a person. She also claims she needed to worry about college, which I accepted and told her that school happened to be more important at the moment.

 

I did ask if she wanted us to be back together, and she responded "well, of course, I hope you grow up, though". She claims she'll always love me, but when asked if she's still IN love with me, she responded with both "that's obvious, I'm madly in love with you" and a confusing "I certainly believe I am.....I call you a lot".

 

She said while she made her decision, it wouldn't be fair to me to leave me hanging. Correct, I'm glad she did the mature thing.....but I also let her know that regardless if we'd been together or not, it'd hurt. I asked if she wanted to see other people, to which she said "no, but sometimes I think that would truly tell me how I feel".

 

She says the only thing that can help her make her decision is time.....which I don't mind, but in the meantime, it hurts. I've been trying to get used to living without her, as in no contact unless she contacts me first......which she's been doing quite a bit, obviously. I've been cutting the things I used to be immature about, as in worrying about when she'd call, or accidentally being overly-possessive. I no longer get angry at such childish things that brought the relationship to a halt.

 

Alas, I'm not quite sure what I can do.....I believe actually making an attempt to win her back would only prove badly, but I did try to show her just how much attention and love she shows to me, to which she responded "trust me, I know".

 

So, I guess my question is.....what the hell do I do? Is there a way to show her or help her make up her mind? Is there anything I actually CAN do? Any tips? Hints? I'm at a complete loss.

 

Thank you.

[DN]

What is it that you did that she considers immature?

[redeyedandblue]

I had really bad insecurity problems, so I'd accidentally be suffocating sometimes. Or, if she forgot to call me or something as simple as that, I'd get angry and think she was "forgetting about me".....when that was completely the opposite. I'd also keep needing reassurance that she loved me, when everything she did proved that she obviously loved me immensely.

 

.....it sucks that I notice these childish things way after the fact.....and it's embarassing to mention, but I need any kind of advice I can get, so I figure, what the hell.....be open.

[DN]

I would tell her that if she wants to try again you would be open to that but that you are not going to wait indefinitely and at some point you are going to have to assume nothing will happen and start to move on with your life.

 

I agree you were not handling the relationship well but she probably contributed to that as well so if you do get back together both of you will have to make adjustments.

[redeyedandblue]

Yeah, luckily she's been mature enough to say it was both of us contributing to the break.

 

The worst thing is she wants to "continue the conversation tomorrow". Personally, I'm on the side that would just make things worse. I doubt I've really got a chance if we continue to wax intellectual about the same relationship conversation.

[redeyedandblue]

UPDATE: This morning, she wanted me to wake her up. When I called, I just said "wake up", no sweet things like "honey" or "angelface". She immediately noticed the difference and was stunned, even going so far to say "well, I hope you have a good day".

 

I've texted her to say hello, but she hasn't responded. I guess I'm stuck waiting to see if she'll call.

 

Anybody got anymore advice?